Quoting Post Archived Topic: It will not be bumped to the top of the forum. Topic I don't 'get' people. Membername   Not a member? Sign Up Free (takes 20 seconds) Password   Forgotten your password? Post Font: Verdana Arial Black Georgia Comic Sans Impact   Size: Tiny Normal Big Huge   Color: Default Dark Red Red Orange Brown Green Olive Cyan Blue Dark Blue Indigo Black [ Check Spelling ] [ Post Preview ] [ LiveTags ] Quote: from [m]DeForest[/m] at 7:38 pm on July 5, 2009[quote]I just don't get how they can stay with verbally/physically abusive people, or just.. shitty people. I also don't get how they can devote their entire being to said person, to the point of "being unable to live!!!" without them. I just don't get it. Is there something I'm missing, or are these people as dependant and clingy as I think they are?[/quote] FAQ Keyword Search: Post Options Favorites Manager Notify me of new replies to this topic by email Notify me of new replies to this topic by private message Original Post DeForest Posted at 7:38 pm on July 5, 2009 I just don't get how they can stay with verbally/physically abusive people, or just.. shitty people. I also don't get how they can devote their entire being to said person, to the point of "being unable to live!!!" without them. I just don't get it. Is there something I'm missing, or are these people as dependant and clingy as I think they are?

Replies Stormblazer Posted at 9:37 pm on July 5, 2009 Quote: from tell me again at 9:03 pm on July 5, 2009 It's complicated, you're missing something, people who are very involved with each other (and this unfortunately includes abusive relationships) have their identities or sense of self intertwined. They can put up with a lot of bad treatment and feeling bad, but the prospect of breaking up would hurt a lot more because it would seem like a part of them died. In extreme cases (and obviously in abusive cases) it's not healthy. But it's real and i think it's something that's hard to imagine for you.   But it's perfectly possible to have a relationship without being dependent at all and turn out fine. On the other end of the spectrum there are couples who hardly see each other or touch each other, and i don't "get" that, but it works for them. I don't think it's healthy period if your sense of self is intertwined with the relationship itself. You can have an extremely close relationship without doing that. Once you do that, you're inviting problems like abuse and dependency to the point of clinginess. And in shorter-term relationships it causes serial monogamy, which as I've said before I emphatically reject as anything but a perversion of what a relationship is at all. tell me again Posted at 8:03 pm on July 5, 2009 It's complicated, you're missing something, people who are very involved with each other (and this unfortunately includes abusive relationships) have their identities or sense of self intertwined. They can put up with a lot of bad treatment and feeling bad, but the prospect of breaking up would hurt a lot more because it would seem like a part of them died. In extreme cases (and obviously in abusive cases) it's not healthy. But it's real and i think it's something that's hard to imagine for you. But it's perfectly possible to have a relationship without being dependent at all and turn out fine. On the other end of the spectrum there are couples who hardly see each other or touch each other, and i don't "get" that, but it works for them. tj sprinkles Posted at 7:43 pm on July 5, 2009 ya lost me sorry SpRiNgS Posted at 7:42 pm on July 5, 2009 Quote: from DeForest at 7:41 pm on July 5, 2009 Quote: from SpRiNgS at 7:39 pm on July 5, 2009 it's a mentality thing from what i've noticed. that person has them wrapped around their fingers to the point where they cant or wont live without that person. Sometimes the people stay cause they thin the abuser will go back to who they WERE I've noticed it, too, and I'm just dumbfounded. Even with GOOD relationships without any kind of abuse, people seem so goddamned clingy and dependant that it drives me nuts. They act as if they can't possibly do a thing without so-and-so by their side every second of every day. Love is a trippy thing it can throw your emotions out of wack some people are just generally clingy too DeForest Posted at 7:41 pm on July 5, 2009 Quote: from SpRiNgS at 7:39 pm on July 5, 2009 it's a mentality thing from what i've noticed. that person has them wrapped around their fingers to the point where they cant or wont live without that person. Sometimes the people stay cause they thin the abuser will go back to who they WERE I've noticed it, too, and I'm just dumbfounded. Even with GOOD relationships without any kind of abuse, people seem so goddamned clingy and dependant that it drives me nuts. They act as if they can't possibly do a thing without so-and-so by their side every second of every day. Descartes Posted at 7:40 pm on July 5, 2009 Quote: from Mods1Blow2Me3Daily at 7:40 pm on July 5, 2009 Quote: from Descartes at 7:38 pm on July 5, 2009 Its not that simple! I cant just leave! My cds are in his truck! waqy to kill a funny dane cook reference Oh, excuse me for not being obsessed enough to have it memorized line for line   Areola Posted at 7:40 pm on July 5, 2009 Those people are idiots, and so dependant that they can't be alone. It's pathetic. Miami0429 Posted at 7:40 pm on July 5, 2009 Quote: from Descartes at 10:38 pm on July 5, 2009 Its not that simple! I cant just leave! My cds are in his truck! lol Mods1Blow2Me3Daily Posted at 7:40 pm on July 5, 2009 Quote: from Descartes at 7:38 pm on July 5, 2009 Its not that simple! I cant just leave! My cds are in his truck! way to kill a funny dane cook reference Brinkmannjg Posted at 7:39 pm on July 5, 2009 They "fall in love" But yeah, dont ask me why. Leannbby Posted at 7:39 pm on July 5, 2009 there is more to it im sure SpRiNgS Posted at 7:39 pm on July 5, 2009 it's a mentality thing from what i've noticed. that person has them wrapped around their fingers to the point where they cant or wont live without that person. Sometimes the people stay cause they thin the abuser will go back to who they WERE Descartes Posted at 7:38 pm on July 5, 2009 Its not that simple! I cant just leave! My cds are in his truck! All 13 previous replies displayed.