Quoting Post Archived Topic: It will not be bumped to the top of the forum. Topic How to end a relationship? Membername   Not a member? Sign Up Free (takes 20 seconds) Password   Forgotten your password? Post Font: Verdana Arial Black Georgia Comic Sans Impact   Size: Tiny Normal Big Huge   Color: Default Dark Red Red Orange Brown Green Olive Cyan Blue Dark Blue Indigo Black [ Check Spelling ] [ Post Preview ] [ LiveTags ] Quote: from Anonymous at 1:48 am on June 24, 2012[quote]Quote: from [mod]JennyColada[/mod] at 1:34 am on June 24, 2012[quote]Meh. I probably wouldn't. Mainly because you don't want to put them in the position of feeling resentful of their friends. And it's not that his friend's are (likely) bad people, they're just not your taste. I'd keep the reasons focused on you, if possible. That tends to make it appear less like you're blaming or putting fault on your partner (e.g. Instead of saying something like "you never treat me right" try "I feel like at times I am left wanting _____."). Using phrases like "I feel like, at times" is a good way to start things. It's less accusatory and keeps thinks in discussion, rather than pointing fingers ("you don't do this or that"). But at the end of the day you two just aren't right for each other. That's generally what I've always left it as myself.[/quote] Okay thanks, I'll try to keep it vague and if asked, leave out the part about the friends.[/quote] FAQ Keyword Search: Post Options Favorites Manager Notify me of new replies to this topic by email Notify me of new replies to this topic by private message Original Post Anonymous Posted at 1:00 am on June 24, 2012 I don't want to get into too many specifics but basically I am with my first significant other, I have never dated or done anything with anyone before. We've been together for only a few months and according to that person and their friends, they love me but I don't feel anything at all for this person. My SO is so amazing and sweet and I have really tried to care for them but still nothing. I have no idea how to break up with said person and when ever I finally get the courage to start the conversation something happens that I have to delay it so I can give emotional support. Some reasons why I think I don't feel anything: -I'm used to being on my own -My SO has crazy friends that do very stupid things that end up hurting my SO either physically or emotionally. -This is the first time I have ever been with someone not as a friend. -Since meeting, it has been problem after problem happening to either my SO or my SO's friends that I have to help clean up/give emotional support. I wouldn't mind doing it every now and again but it's all of the time.   Example: Say we have been together a week, within that 7 days, there will have been an incident atleast 6 times. Please help!

Replies Anonymous Posted at 3:26 am on June 24, 2012 Yeah that is true. I guess I will have to try and address it and if I don't see change then just end it. iconoclast Posted at 3:19 am on June 24, 2012 If they're close and they're doing stupid shit that hurts him, chances are it isn't so mutual and maybe he'll see the truth after awhile. Could take time though. I guess also make it more about that you can't deal with it and can't take seeing them give him so much bullshit, especially if its really bad. Anonymous Posted at 3:15 am on June 24, 2012 Quote: from iconoclast at 3:13 am on June 24, 2012 Least likely to hate you if you do it this way. I'll try, I just don't know how well it will work out because of his friends. They are extremely close and I don't want him to have to choose between us or feel like he has too. iconoclast Posted at 3:13 am on June 24, 2012 Least likely to hate you if you do it this way. Anonymous Posted at 3:03 am on June 24, 2012 Quote: from iconoclast at 2:47 am on June 24, 2012 Hmm...well let me know how it goes. Just try to keep things calm above all else and make sure he knows you're not just suddenly cutting it off and you just want to work some things out. Okay I will. Thanks, I hope we can. Worse comes to worse he hates me. iconoclast Posted at 2:47 am on June 24, 2012 Hmm...well let me know how it goes. Just try to keep things calm above all else and make sure he knows you're not just suddenly cutting it off and you just want to work some things out. Anonymous Posted at 2:44 am on June 24, 2012 Quote: from iconoclast at 2:40 am on June 24, 2012 I guess if hes a frat kid type, there's not much hope but you should just try anyway. If he's shy or something, sometimes people like that get shit friends because they're insecure and lonely. I don't think he is the frat type and he doesn't seem shy to me. But were not always together, so what I do see of him he seems normal to me. iconoclast Posted at 2:40 am on June 24, 2012 I guess if hes a frat kid type, there's not much hope but you should just try anyway. If he's shy or something, sometimes people like that get shit friends because they're insecure and lonely. Anonymous Posted at 2:39 am on June 24, 2012 Quote: from iconoclast at 2:37 am on June 24, 2012 Is the guy older? yes by a year. iconoclast Posted at 2:37 am on June 24, 2012 Is the guy older? Anonymous Posted at 2:35 am on June 24, 2012 18 iconoclast Posted at 2:28 am on June 24, 2012 How old are you anyway? That can make quite a bit of difference. Anonymous Posted at 2:25 am on June 24, 2012 Quote: from iconoclast at 2:14 am on June 24, 2012 Yeah, if that's the case I say give him a chance to get his shit together. If he's a good person, he shouldn't be hanging around with scumbags. Just cutting it off sounds like it'll cause unnecessary pain and confusion, possibly with you too since this is your first relationship (though it might be delayed). Yeah that is true. I guess we'll just have to talk it out and straighten things out. iconoclast Posted at 2:14 am on June 24, 2012 Yeah, if that's the case I say give him a chance to get his shit together. If he's a good person, he shouldn't be hanging around with scumbags. Just cutting it off sounds like it'll cause unnecessary pain and confusion, possibly with you too since this is your first relationship (though it might be delayed). Part of the reason I say this is because an 'unfair breakup' can cause some kind of resentment long term and will often result in there being 'no friends'.  You can never tell how people will react until something actually happens. Happened to me. I broke up with someone because the relationship wasn't working (but in my case, it was a long time coming and problem solving was tried dozens of times) and the reactions I got were...well let's just say I'd rather not talk about it. I'm 23 though so it might be different, Anonymous Posted at 1:53 am on June 24, 2012 Quote: from iconoclast at 1:32 am on June 24, 2012 I'd honestly try to talk to them about the issues. Figure out the level of attachment and feelings they have for you etc before you try anything else. If they're just beyond any kind of reasoning go ahead and do it, or if the level of attachment is high and they're capable of changing (doubtful) try a 'break' first; an actual one not just BS and demand they quit the shit or its over. I think my SO is very attached and the problem isn't with the SO really, it is more of the friends. I mean he has some stuff but not as bad as the friends. They are great people when something bad isn't happening. Like if you took away all of the bad decisions they make they would be fine. But another part of it is that it seems like I'm the one that has to be strong and clear headed out of all of them. One of them does something/something happens to them and I have to fix it, even though there is literally nothing I can do. Most recent 15 of 26 previous replies displayed.