LiveWire Peer Support Network

Printable Version of Topic "Friendships?"

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-- Posted by lost hopless13 at 8:26 pm on Jan. 30, 2003

I have two very close friends of mine that I've known for at least 3-4 years and we used to do so much together. Host sleepovers, go to movies, or just plain hangout. I enjoyed it. Now they've both got boyfriends, one of which I helped out a lot because she really liked him and I wanted to see her happy for once. I have a boy of my own as well. Now, I can't seem to do anything with them, they're either busy with other plans with their boyfriends or they want their b/fs to tag along. I also make plans with them only to find out that a few days later, a day before or the day of that they've changed their plans to be with their boyfriends. It's become annoying and I don't want to tell them because I don't want them to hate me or something, I've tried numerous times as well to tell them. What do I do?!?!


-- Posted by heffer moose at 9:23 pm on Jan. 30, 2003

guys can be such a problems sometimes. they take all of your time just hanging around you and you dont really know why you want them to be with you. then u two break up and you cry over it and he gets another girlfriend. and everything just seems so pointless. it's not always going to be like this though, going to the mall isn't really a guy thing. why dont you organize some time for your girlfriends to go shopping or something. guys tag along only if it's just them and their girlfriend, but i dont think they want to go shopping or else it'll be like a group instead of just girls. oh well things like this now, it's happening all over the place. but dont worry, u'll get plenty of time to hang out just with your girls either when their relationship with their boyfriend ends, or they get married and dont have to see each other 24/7


-- Posted by Butterfly at 1:25 am on Jan. 31, 2003

I think this is something everytone goes through....I've "lost" so many freinds to their boyfriends. It's like they can't even have their own life or their own friends anymore. And while I try to understand it because I am guilty of doing it myself, especially when I first start going out with someone, it is really hurtful.
The thing is though I really don't think there's anything you can do about it. If you talk to them they may think your being over sensitive and not see that theres any problem and if they change, in someways it defeats the point because you shouldn't have to remind them that you were friends before this boy came along.
I wish there was a solution hun, but I have to say that the unfortunate truth is that a lot of girls forget about their friends and forget that they have their own life and sense of self as soon as they get a boyfriend. It's like the wolrd suddenly ceases to exist, he is their everything.
If they're your true friends theyll come back, otherwise try to just get along with it the way things are, cos theres not a lot you can do about it.


-- Posted by lost hopless13 at 3:33 am on Jan. 31, 2003

Alright, I'll try to put up with it just for them. Since I have a guy of my own, I try not to do the things I cant's stand like choosing a guy over my friends because, to me, guys come and go, but friendship lasts forever, or is that a myth nowadays? Anyway, I also hate too much PDA infront of my friends that don't have bf's because it's torture for them because they don't have one. My friend and her b/f always makeout when they're together too, whether there's a younger sibling there or not. One time they came over my house with another friend of mine and we watched a movie. The whole time they made-out, my lil' bro came in the room and they still did it.


-- Posted by Simply Rayne at 8:19 am on Jan. 31, 2003

This has always annoyed me so bad! My best friend is with a guy now who wants her all to himself. And she just follows where ever he leads her. I have asked over and over again if she could at least pencil me in somewhere in her schedule. I haven't seen her in about a week. :( I know I would never devote all my time to a guy. Well, maybe the guy I'm thinking about seeing....


-- Posted by daltonwrestler1987 at 8:24 am on Jan. 31, 2003

Tell them that you won't be friends with them anymore if there not going to hang with you anymore tell them that you would gladly ruin your relationship if you had to.


-- Posted by phaxtion at 8:38 am on Jan. 31, 2003

As far as your friends go, they should not devote all their extra time to just their b/f's - if anything that is the worse social move anyone can make, it only fuels resentment among older friends and leads to isololation, then the relationship ends and alot of other shit starts.  Try to keep the friendships, dont push them away or imply that you want them to neglect their b/f's; however talk with them about the issue, don't come off strong, but be firm with it, they should understand that you havent been spending much time together and that they do seem to change plans on you alot - my best friend did this with his g/f, they isolated one another from everyone, had a good 1 yr relationship - now they are fighting, breaking up off and on, and have no one to talk to cause they have isolated themselves from everyone else, its a messy situation.  Point being, nip this in the butt early, or else when it comes it will BITE you in the ass.


-- Posted by SuperHyperSpastic at 12:50 pm on Jan. 31, 2003

I've gone through the EXACT same problem. The thing is that once you get a boyfriend, it's true, you're going to want to spend all of your time with him. Although at the same time, you probably feel guilty for not spending enough time with your friends. You're going to have to face fact number one: Their boyfriends are now apart of your "group", and it isn't going to be the way it was before. That doesn't mean it's over between you and your friends though, it just means things are going to have to change. Try to have group dates and things like that, but also face the fact that everyone needs a little alone time with their boyfriend. Try to make it so that every once in awhile you can hang out without any boyfriend tagging along. Enforce rules where they can't make out in front of your little brother, and ask them nicely not to make out in front of you. If you talk to them about the way you feel, I'm sure you can all reach an agreement. Any friendship can overcome a problem with a little bit of work.


-- Posted by Get a job bob at 2:18 pm on Jan. 31, 2003

Quote: from SuperHyperSpastic at 2:50 pm on Jan. 31, 2003


I've gone through the EXACT same problem. The thing is that once you get a boyfriend, it's true, you're going to want to spend all of your time with him. Although at the same time, you probably feel guilty for not spending enough time with your friends. You're going to have to face fact number one: Their boyfriends are now apart of your "group", and it isn't going to be the way it was before. That doesn't mean it's over between you and your friends though, it just means things are going to have to change. Try to have group dates and things like that, but also face the fact that everyone needs a little alone time with their boyfriend. Try to make it so that every once in awhile you can hang out without any boyfriend tagging along. Enforce rules where they can't make out in front of your little brother, and ask them nicely not to make out in front of you. If you talk to them about the way you feel, I'm sure you can all reach an agreement. Any friendship can overcome a problem with a little bit of work.

Yeah, I know when I was people, I noticed a change in how much I saw my friends, but I still made time for them.


-- Posted by lost hopless13 at 8:46 pm on Jan. 31, 2003

Well I have tried to make group dates, such as my boyfriend, their boyfriends, them and me. I had that Tuesday and we watched a movie and hung out, but one couple was always hugging and holding eachother, the guy had his hands on her or around her. The other group was always making out. I was shoved out of my own hallway so that they could make out. My lil' bro came into the room and they didn't even care. Last night they hung out again and he pinched her ass and he was feeling her chest. She grabbed him, and she tells me, everyday about him. It's all they can talk about. It just drives me up the wall cause I don't do any of this w/ my b/f cause I know that it will make them feel the same way.


-- Posted by Zero X4 at 9:04 pm on Jan. 31, 2003

i like hanging out with my girlfriend.i give her her space too though


-- Posted by XxCrazyDawg69xX at 1:39 am on Feb. 1, 2003

Yeah you gotta allow people there own personal space, b/c if you clutter them all the time, they will get sick of hanging with you and not want to be around you as much, as often.


-- Posted by noisy geek at 4:38 am on Feb. 1, 2003

yeh  totallly agree men fcukeverting up with ur m8s.me and thi girl usd 2be so close got a b/f me totally ot of the oicture. tell ur firnds that u want 2 spend a sleepover.hav sum really girly stff plannedand eat loads pic out d wot u used 2 do b4 u got b.fs. is sure 2 work. good luck!!!


-- Posted by itsallyourfaultsam at 9:43 am on Feb. 1, 2003

ok i think your friends are hanging out to much with there boyfriends they need to hang out with there friends to sooner or later there gonna relize it either when or if they brake up with there b/f and when they do there probly gonna feel bad Guys come and go but friends will always be there


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