-- Posted by Mental ELB at 4:11 pm on June 29, 2008 Ok, so I don't know where to start really. Actually if your going to post a stupid comment then stop reading now cos you seriously need to go get a life! Basically i have been a manic depressive person for around 5 years, being only 16 nearly 17, it all started when i was 11. It all started when my parents spilt up. All my life i was bought up with physical and verbal abuse, at the age of 14 all the sexual abuse started, but thats another story. I began to self harm at the age of 11 as well. I have been clean for 6 weeks now. I also developed an eating disorder but i'm not even going to go into that. My problem is i have attempted 3 times, failed obviously as i'm still here, but still wanting to die. I'm fed up of trying to be happy, i can't even remeber the last time i laughed, the last time i went out with friends, all my life i'v never been happy, not properly. My childhood was taken away from me.. i was kicked out at the age of 14, i never had a real relationship, well i did until the last one decided to break up on our anniversary, i know it was only 3 months, but i truley truley loved her. But anywai. It seems to me, life is out to get me, it doesn't want me to be happy. I keep fightin, but i don't see the point no more.. Yes i'v seen doctors, councillors, psychiatrirts and all that crap, it don't work. I'm not allowed pills for my depression due to my habit of overdosing on any pills i can get my hands on pretty much. I know this sounds really attention seeking maybe and shit, but i'm serious, i just want someone who understand me cos i just do not want to live any longer and soon i know i will suceed... WHAT DO I DO?? IS THERE ANY HOPE LEFT?? -- Posted by Serpent at 4:15 pm on June 29, 2008 pm me darlin xxx -- Posted by ehmusic at 4:27 pm on June 29, 2008 You've been through a lot.  But, you've made it this far, why do you want to give up now? I'm sorry that you've been through so much as young as you are.  You've decided to quit harming yourself. That's a huge step, huge.  You aren't still around the people that were abusing you, are you?  If you are, you might want to consider trying to get out of that situation. You just have to keep on trying to make a better life for yourself. Things will eventually get better, I'm sure.   You said that you've already tried various types of therapy, they didn't help you at all?  Are you getting no help at all for you bi polar disorder?   If you want to talk about it with me, privately, feel free to message me.  Please don't try suicide again, it's truly not the way you should deal with this. -- Posted by KTym at 4:38 pm on June 29, 2008 woah you've been through so much in such a short time. none of this should have ever happened to you. none of it is your fault. but you've got this far so you're doing really well. i hope you aren't around anyone that has harmed you in the ways you mentioned..... if you are then you need to get away from them..... what they have done to you is illegal..... and you should seriously consider reporting it. if you don't have to see them anymore then thats great.... the worst is over..... but its always going to be with you.... you need to find a way to come to terms with what has happened... obviously counselling and all that stuff hasn't helped.... so maybe you really should consider reporting what has happened, someone needs to pay for what they have done to you! feel free to send me a private message. -- Posted by silverbullets at 4:57 pm on June 29, 2008 hey i know how you feel. my last post was similar. i was kicked out at 17 and i cut addictivly too. if you want to talk pm me. sounds like we could talk and understand where eachother are coming from. -- Posted by Uruz 7 at 6:50 pm on June 29, 2008 You won't really b e able to find hope beyond your inner being . . The choice is basicallly yours to make, seing that you really know what real pain is - are you willing to go the distance instead of succumbing to the pressures of the world? I had to force that on myself, or I'd be feeling worthless to day. One of the thing sI've used to share focused on using pain as a driving force to push forward. I believe deep down, we all want to be recognized, to be appreciated by the world, and mroe often than not, we don't get what we want in life, but thats part of life itself . . A very old saying goes like 10% of things that happens to us are beyond our control. 90% of it afterwards is based on how we deal witht hat 10%. I've found this to be very true . . WE can look at pain as, suffering . . lets day, and get all upset over it, that life is an ass. Or, use that pain to instigate change, that despite all the odds, one can find peace in his self, and use that experience to be someone much stronger, nto only emotionally, but in willpower, because it takes a great amount of will to pull through something like this. I've heard the story of a young pastor who went through something like you did. His parents were drug addicts, the mom divorced thrice, fell into prostitution, and the child was neglected, abused, and became part of the drug trade. By the age of 17, he was shooting around the city . . . He finally managed to pull himself together, after the started to realise his self-worth - we are all different, we are all unique, furthermore byt he things that life throws at us. What you've gone through is something few others experience, and if you can succesfully live your life, that is something nobody else can ever match up to. The choice is yours - endure the suffering and use that to drive you on, or give up - but deep down you know giving up won't really do you much good . . . I know you've bene struggling all this while, so when you've been halfway there, do you really want to give up? We are all living halfway through life ..  so those who do give up, well - u know the story