-- Posted by WhiteDwarf at 10:01 pm on July 7, 2008 well, i've had quite a few of my friends commit suicide over the years, like over 5 i think. they dont call seattle the suicide capital for nothing, i guess. it's the weirdest thing, because in your head people aren't actually supposed to 'disappear forever' when they're young, so i can never wrap my head around the concept that i can never see this person again...ever. i'll imagine their smiling face in my head and not be able to truly believe in the thought that that is forever just a withering memory and never a reality again, because they were so fresh and alive when i knew them- and now they're dust. anyhow, for some reason i seem to have a problem having an emotional reaction to death/suicide, im not insensitive, i have my hard sides at times, but i am pretty soft for the most part, but for some reason i can never develop a proportionate emotional reaction to this. not too long ago, this one friend i was pretty close with blew his head off with a shotgun, and i seriously had no emotional reaction whatsoever. like if i kill a bug on accident, and see it laying on the ground suffering and slowly dying, i feel pity and sorrow and regret. but with him, felt absolutely fucking nothing. i dont even feel anything writing this. i dunno, just interested in hearing something about this....not really looking for the 'coping with death' is difficult run-of-the-mill stuff or "how to cope with death". i dunno. -- Posted by WhiteDwarf at 10:07 pm on July 7, 2008 the suicide before the most recent one didn't really make me wonder about this, because i was affected by it, i didnt like cry like a lot of other people but i felt something, most people seemed so extremely emotionally impacted by it for months, people were sobbing and sobbing in groups together, i was probably sad for a day, but at least it's something, but the last one i didnt feel anything so i guess that was just sort of a shock and made me curious.