-- Posted by tenchi1084 at 6:12 pm on July 11, 2008 I'm sure I know what I've just done... I wrote my best friend in the whole wide world...and asked him to look after my mother and sister for me.  I know it was planned for me to return home for a visit this year. But I'm openly gay, and my community wouldn't take too kindly to that.  and I can't ask my community(hometown, that is, btw) to make an exception.  it's how they roll.  of course, it isn't right.  But I love my community.   And to keep my family safe from ridicule and such, I'm not going to return.  my family loves me, and I love my family.   I want my little sis to have an older brother who will be there for her.  and I want my mother to have a male figure in her life that she can give advice to(there is no real way for my mother and I to converse at the moment, probably for a good while after). Even where I live, I could easily be attacked, not because I'm gay, but because it is that dangerous here(though, I love this community just as much). I know he's going "wtf?", but if they need anything, there will be some manner of contact, somehow.  I just cannot guarantee I'll recieve the message in time.  so that's why I asked my best friend to be there for them.  and they really love my best friend, too. my sister sees him as her other older brother, and my mother loves him like a son.  so it should be this way without asking.   they're all really close, closer than I can ever be with them again(long story).  so if anything were to happen, like my death, my sister still has someone.  and if anything happens to my mother or sister, one or the other still has my best friend. I so miss them so much, it's been too long since I've seen any of them.  so this is for the best.  I don't mind being alone, as long as I know none of them are alone.   and I don't have to worry about my father.  he's got his fiancee, and her kids(haven't talked to them since last month, and no attempts have been made to contact me, so it's all good). so I guess this would be a sign that all is well, and I don't have to worry about them anymore than I need to. -- Posted by honeybee3333 at 6:13 pm on July 11, 2008 sorry? -- Posted by aGIRLunknown at 6:18 pm on July 11, 2008 WOW... I am lost -- Posted by Uruz 7 at 6:20 pm on July 15, 2008 I'n not sure exactly how to respond to that, but it seems you did what was best for your family. Though I understand its very difficult in the kind of situation you are facing, especially to be able to maintain sucha  composure. Nevertheless, the distance will rarely create a postive impact on your relations with your family. It would be best if you somehow managed to stay in touch constantly, maybe via onlien chat or sth? That will really give them the support they need, and draw you close at the same time. I'm not sure much about the gay stuff, but I don't think the community in general are against that. Sure it may not be the norm for most, but I don't see that any less a reason to treat and respect you like any other person. Trust me, the kind of care you have for your family greatly surpasses a majority of the population already. I'd guess you already seem to know you did your best, and thats what really matters. The last 10%, nothing can be done to change that. -- Posted by Starborn at 10:19 pm on July 15, 2008 Are you entirely sure that you can't go back? You say it's dangerous even for non-homosexuals, but your family still lives there. And does your family know that you are gay? Unless your family has expressly told you not to come back, I still think you should at least tell them in person that you're never coming home again. They really do deserve that much. And you might just come to regret making sure that you don't want to come back by making a goodbye visit. (And ignore anyone in your 'community' who doesn't approve. If somehow your sexual orientation was printed in your paper or shouted from the rooftops, then you walk down the sidewalk like the ordinary person you are.)