-- Posted by blufindr at 11:30 pm on July 14, 2008 Livewire members, you don't have to read. I just wanted to get this off my chest. For the love of God, please stop telling me you love me. It's worthless and meaningless, because you don't know how to show it. No, you do, but you only do it when it suits you. I don't know how much I even matter to you anymore. It pisses me off that you keep telling me that I mean the world to you, that you'd be nothing without me, that you want to spend the rest of my life with me. But then you leave without telling me, you choose to spend your online time with your gamer friends, and you never even talk to me anymore. Our conversations have deteriorated into "I love you"s and "I miss you"s, and not much else. Not unless the topics of sex or suicide come up. And speaking of which, maybe I really should kill myself. You're the only person stopping me from doing that, but lately it feels like you don't even care about me anymore. You don't even care if I'm there unless I tell you I'm going to leave, and then it's a 50/50 chance that you'll pay attention and try to help. You spent so long trying to convince me that sex would not become everything, that you would still love me afterwards. Do you love me now? Fucking prove it. I don't get your attention unless I'm basically acting as your whore. Do you like that? Is that all I've become to you? Just a "plug for your socket"? I'm beginning to think they were right about you. You are not going to be around forever, no matter what you say. Remember the times before we were together, when you actually gave a shit about me? Remember when you used to call me at midnight just to talk about whatever? Hours logged on Skype because we ran out of credit yet again. And now we don't even talk about anything substantial. I've tried to bring this up with you. I've tried talking to you about it. And all you can seem to tell me is that you still love me, and I should trust you to do so. How the fuck do you expect me to trust you, if you know I can't even trust me? How do you expect me to trust you when you let me down time and time again like this? I spent so much time trying not to disappoint you. I sacrificed my already fragile relationship with my family, and the friendships of some people I love, to be with you. I tried to get better, for you. I tried to be a better person. And it just seems like now, you're taking it for granted. You're taking me for granted. And I don't know what to do. I don't want to leave you. It'd break my heart to leave you. But honestly, I don't know how else to deal with this. -- Posted by hound at 11:31 pm on July 14, 2008 Geez...I only thought Of you as a mate, but whatever..... -- Posted by reev at 11:35 pm on July 14, 2008 benny problems I'm guessing? -- Posted by blufindr at 11:37 pm on July 14, 2008 Quote: from reev at 4:35 pm on July 15, 2008 benny problems I'm guessing? Long-standing issues which I have previously taken up with him. I have yet to receive more than a temporary fix. And I feel like such a bitch for even bringing it up. Because he does try. Just lately, it doesn't feel like it He says the right words, but somehow the feeling isn't in them anymore. -- Posted by 92perpetual at 11:39 pm on July 14, 2008 Admittedly I only read the first paragraph, but I understand what you mean because my ex was like that. He was all talk, nothing to back it up. He thought that by throwing in 'I love yooooou' at the end of every phone call made up for him never making time for me. Not so. -- Posted by TinyHere at 12:04 am on July 15, 2008 i told you so many times that he was only in it for the sex.   but maybe this will cheer you up. http://xkcd.com/ -- Posted by blufindr at 12:21 am on July 15, 2008 Quote: from 92perpetual at 4:39 pm on July 15, 2008 Admittedly I only read the first paragraph, but I understand what you mean because my ex was like that. He was all talk, nothing to back it up. He thought that by throwing in 'I love yooooou' at the end of every phone call made up for him never making time for me. Not so. I think it's somewhat more complicated than that. We don't get alot of time together, and he'll fight tooth and nail to get that time. But once he has it... It's like he loses interest. Like when he was first trying to get my attention, he would try so hard. But now that he has me, it's like he doesn't even care anymore. -- Posted by blufindr at 12:21 am on July 15, 2008 Quote: from TinyHere at 5:04 pm on July 15, 2008 i told you so many times that he was only in it for the sex. but maybe this will cheer you up. http://xkcd.com/ Seen it. It won't make me any happier