-- Posted by Wolferz at 8:54 am on July 19, 2008 I used to like a guy a whole lot.  He was prolly my first REALLY big crush since Jr. High or something...Even though I'm in college, I have to say that it can still be just as strong and hurt just as much when someone doesn't like you back. But I suppose I've learned from it.  Next time, I will not come on so strong.  It was quite an intense crush and I was falling wayyyy to fast and too hard (you know the quote "Don't fall for someone unless they're ready to catch you") I learned not to make assumptions about people based on first impressions.  I was very quick to assume he partied hard and liked the single life....then I come to realize he is completely against alcohol and likes having a serious relationship.  I learned that "Facebook" and Myspace are NOTTTTTT even remotely good sources of information to get to know someone.  I became obsessed with checking what his online activity was (and his girlfriend's), but it rarely represented the person he was.  I became very let down to realize that my assumptions were false and that the "scenerios" in my head would never happen in real life.  Of course it feels goooood to daydream and fantasize your cares away, as a way of not dealing with the more unpleasant things in life (such as work, school, stress, etc.).  So in many ways, my crush was an ESCAPE from my own problems and something that felt "good" at the moment, like a wave of ecstasy.  But, these were untrue fantasies and I wasted a lot of my life dreaming about them. I learned that he also was "not the guy me."  He has certain tendencies and ideas and is strong willed in his own beliefs.  I disagree with many.  He seems hard to handle at times and hard for my friends to take.  I learned that maybe we never would have worked in the first place.  I learned that he is not as much of a hard worker as I am, and he is not as focused or determined about some things that I am.  He was not as motivated to get a certain job, and I ended up getting it while he did not.  That explains a lot about what we want in life, but that he couldn't achieve it the same way. He taught me not to cry over a guy more than you cry over someone who dies...You might shed a few years once and awhile, but to cry more than a few times is way to much.  Someone who makes you cry with sadness is not worth it.  Happy tears are ok, but not sad ones full of regret. I learned that being jealous, envious, anger, or bitter toward another person's boyfriend or girlfriend is wrong.  It is just pointless to be upset with his girlfriend...only because she got him before me or because he liked her more, etc.  It takes great maturity to realize that people are meant for each other and I should have left them alone.  I should have let them (in my mind, of course) live happily and not try to mentally break them apart. I learned from his girlfriend that I need to be more confident in myself.  She always seems very excited and happy with herself .... At first I wanted to BE her, then I realized that I need to be myself.  I can't change myself (and trust me, I really tried to physically and emotionally become her).  She taught me to be more myself because THAT is what attracts guys to you.  Be yourself, have fun, and show that you have a great personality...have confidence in yourself and you will win no matter what.  She taught me to take a CHANCE.  When a boy I didn't know well asked me out, I was willing to take a chance (which I never would have done otherwise).  I learned about myself that I USED to be very shy around guys and had a huge fear of getting close to them...I never liked the idea of someone liking me back because I never felt that I was worth it.  But obviously the girlfriend of my crush had the guts to go on a first date with him at some point and it turned out nicely for her.  So I figured there was nothing for me to lose.  Since, I have become more comfortable with myself and with guys/dating.  My own dating life improved and I believe that because my confidence was better, guys noticed and at least 3 different guys had crushes on ME (which has never happened before).  I also admired her fashion sense and her seemingly fun attitude about life...I went for a more creative approach in my own wardrobe and she helped me realize that life is about having fun.  I slowly am becoming more comfortable in my own body and love accessories and whatnot that I was afraid of before.  And even though I do not know her PERSONALLY on a real friend level, from what I have observed she seems like she would be an awesome friend.  And small observations have lead me to feel that I have more confidence because of her. I learned that although he is a nice guy, that in no way makes him the "best".  When I look back, I thought he was better and nicer than his friend (who was truly an asshole) and I deep down made myself believe that I liked "him" rather than the other guy as a means to prevent my heart from being hurt by the "jerk" friend.  It seemed like a good preventative mechanism as the time, but hurt me in the long run.  Yes, he was nicER than some guys - but not the ONE who is WORTH giving all of yourself to.Most importantly, my crush taught me that I cannot please everyone.  I cannot make another person like me.  They have to do that on their own.  Whether that means as in a friend or possibly as a partner...  I can't FORCE him to be attracted to me.  It has to happen on it's own, in the right time and place.  I realized that I had to stop trying to "impress" him with looks or with charm.  Because even at MY personal best, he was blind to see that because he was busy with his own life and girlfriend.   In spending so much time worrying what he thought of me, I neglected to see how I saw myself in my own eyes and was not true to myself.  I realized that I mistook his friendliness for flirtiness and I made the mistake of believing he liked me back in some way.  So looks can be deceiving.  You can make yourself believe anything that you really want - you can manipulate the truth to how you WANT it to be, all in your own mind and fantasy.  The theme of blindness comes up a lot...I was blind to a lot of these things above, and for a long time I wanted to be blind to him, I did not want to see him anymore.  Then I was blind because I missed his flaws and his bad side.  He is not perfect, nor am I.  I must unblindly be myself and show my true colors in order to be liked. NOTE: Please do not reply to my topic unless you've read this or most of it . . . I'm only looking for replies that mean something -- Posted by Reefer at 8:54 am on July 19, 2008 He sounds like a great guy. -- Posted by hi sarah at 8:56 am on July 19, 2008 I hate the word crush and every childish person who says it. NOTE: Don't tell people not to reply if they haven't got anything good to say, otherwise put it in the serious forum or something. And yeah that is good you learnt something. -- Posted by boombabyy at 8:57 am on July 19, 2008 this is the longest post ive ever seen, but im glad you learned something -- Posted by welovedisneyworld at 9:04 am on July 19, 2008 I fully understand this. I really do. "This" happened to me over the course of this year. Wow, I get you. And rest assured, that if no one else read this, I did. I read, and understood.