-- Posted by swtpie at 7:40 pm on July 22, 2008 My boyfriend and I always fight after he visits his parents. They always say horrible things about me. He just says, "I know, I know. Can we change the subject." Well, it really hurts that he doesn't stand up for me. Six years together, and he allows people to talk shit about me, and agrees with them. He says he can't tell them off cause they are his parents and they'll yell at him. And that they'll say again and again anyways. I can't take it. I hate being with someone who doesn't stand up for me. It hurts. I've been thinking it over, and I decided enough was enough. I can't stand his family budding in and causes us so many problems. So today I told my boyfriend that I loved him, but I can't keep this up. I told him if he can't stand up for me, then I'm gone. I refuse to be talked about like that. He obviously got upset and started getting loud and yelling. He knows it will be hard for him to do, and apparently doesn't want to lose me. Was I right to say that? -- Posted by inkblot at 7:40 pm on July 22, 2008 You were wrong. -- Posted by swtpie at 7:41 pm on July 22, 2008 Quote: from Bzoink at 7:40 pm on July 22, 2008 You were wrong. How? -- Posted by SovSull at 7:41 pm on July 22, 2008 Quote: from Bzoink at 10:40 pm on July 22, 2008 You were wrong. i don't see how -- Posted by Loner Dragon at 7:41 pm on July 22, 2008 you were right -- Posted by Fortis Obscurum at 7:41 pm on July 22, 2008 You were right as a river runs. -- Posted by hound at 7:42 pm on July 22, 2008 Yes. He should be standing up for you!!! I was in a similar situation, where my Gf was being yelles at without explaining. I was so angry I screamed at them about how stupid they are, and how they didnt give her a chance. ..I feel special. -- Posted by boothy at 7:42 pm on July 22, 2008 There is no right or wrong, everything is subjective, nothing is black or white. P.S: You were wrong. -- Posted by DanaStar at 7:42 pm on July 22, 2008 You were right. You have every right to stand up for your self. Hopefully he'll make amends. -- Posted by ero at 7:42 pm on July 22, 2008 Some people avoid conflict with their parents and just accept what they're saying because, well, they're his parents. He knows them better than you (probably) ever will, and as a result, he knows that he can't sway their opinions. To be baited and fight with his own parents about the girl he's dating is ridiculous and it's just easier to avoid the argument altogether. If you want to be an oversensitive, bitchy little girlfriend, then sure, you're in the right. Kin never win fights over their parents, except in special cases, such as, saaaay, filicide. PS: Oh, and by the way, by playing the, 'I can't stand that you can't protect me from your big, bad wolf-parents!' card, you're just further confirming what your parents are saying in the first place. Actions are more of a tell than words are; if he's still with you after all that bullshit that his parents fling, be fucking grateful. Would you rather he defend you and break up with you? -- Posted by Trastie at 7:43 pm on July 22, 2008 Quote: from swtpie at 8:40 pm on July 22, 2008 So today I told my boyfriend that I loved him, but I can't keep this up. I told him if he can't stand up for me, then I'm gone. I refuse to be talked about like that. Jesus fucking Christ, how egotistical are you? So if someone says something mean to you on the street you are going to run home and cry to your mom? Fact of the matter is his parents have more of an influence on his life. Are you really surprised? If so you are the fucking idiot in this situation. It's understandable why he wouldn't stand up to his 'rents. It's human nature. -- Posted by bg kNIFE at 7:43 pm on July 22, 2008 Enjoy being single. -- Posted by PotPom at 7:44 pm on July 22, 2008 i think you are wrong to be mad at him because its not his fault he cant back talk his parents... some people can't, however he should stick up for you, after 6 years. If it really bothers you then he needs to portect you better how he does that you need to work out with him. -- Posted by Evolutionism at 7:46 pm on July 22, 2008 You did exactly what you had to do. -- Posted by hurricanemisses at 7:49 pm on July 22, 2008 i would of done the same thang!! -- Posted by swtpie at 7:52 pm on July 22, 2008 Quote: from Trastie at 7:43 pm on July 22, 2008 Quote: from swtpie at 8:40 pm on July 22, 2008   So today I told my boyfriend that I loved him, but I can't keep this up. I told him if he can't stand up for me, then I'm gone. I refuse to be talked about like that. Jesus fucking Christ, how egotistical are you? So if someone says something mean to you on the street you are going to run home and cry to your mom?   Fact of the matter is his parents have more of an influence on his life. Are you really surprised? If so you are the fucking idiot in this situation. It's understandable why he wouldn't stand up to his 'rents. It's human nature. What? Run home to mommy? Please... Exactly, his parents have a huge influence on him. They are literally running his life. "Oh you can't do good in school"....then he doesn't try. "Oh you're not smart enough to go to College."...so he decides not to go to College. "Oh, you can't make it on you're own."....so he stops looking for a place. I had to basically step up and convince him. He moved out without telling his parents, and is doing a great job. Right now I'm getting him to go to College, cause he is going job to job. His parents alway bring him down. They hate it how he doesn't need them anymore. So, they are trying to make me look bad. They hate the fact I got their son to grow up! And it's not human nature to allow your family talk poorly about someone you love. If you love them, you stand up. Every time they see him, they try and convince him to leave me. They need to know that we're in a relationship and that they have to bud out! They can't control his life forever, they want everything their way. At this rate, they'll be planning his wedding, telling him where he should live, etc. Don't you think its a good time for them to know he can make up his own mind. -- Posted by ero at 7:59 pm on July 22, 2008 Quote: from swtpie at 7:52 pm on July 22, 2008 Don't you think its a good time for them to know he can make up his own mind. SIX YEARS, IDIOT. Think about it. -- Posted by fullmooncurse at 8:09 pm on July 22, 2008 Your right -- Posted by nik1 at 4:33 am on July 23, 2008 I have a friend that is going through exactly what you are going through.  He's a male and his fiance' will not say a word in his defense.  I am extremely demanding in requirements to be my friend and he passes with flying colors in all aspects.  He is kind, respectful, dependable, loyal and very intelligent.  He will be a physician in three more years so you can't question his character in my opinion.  The bottom line it's his religion (and he is not the least bit fanatic about it).  In fact both of us feel the same about organized religion...urgh! My comments to you will be the same as I have had with him.  If you don't respect his lack of support for you now it WILL NEVER get better after marriage.  I would suggest to you to NOT try to drive a wedge between him and his parents by criticizing them but to deal with him permitting anyone to speak negatively about you in his presence.  You have lost respect for him and I think you have taken the right course.  If you give in now you will never respect him and that's the basis for any relationship. He doesn't have to be mean and ugly to discuss the issue with his parents.  All he would have to do is say, "Look Mom and Dad, I love her, she is the one that I have chosen to be my wife, I love her and she loves me, so I am telling you that I do not want to hear any more negative comments about her. ...do you understand? -- Posted by swtpie at 7:12 am on July 23, 2008 Quote: from nik1 at 4:33 am on July 23, 2008 I have a friend that is going through exactly what you are going through. He's a male and his fiance' will not say a word in his defense. I am extremely demanding in requirements to be my friend and he passes with flying colors in all aspects. He is kind, respectful, dependable, loyal and very intelligent. He will be a physician in three more years so you can't question his character in my opinion. The bottom line it's his religion (and he is not the least bit fanatic about it). In fact both of us feel the same about organized religion...urgh! My comments to you will be the same as I have had with him. If you don't respect his lack of support for you now it WILL NEVER get better after marriage. I would suggest to you to NOT try to drive a wedge between him and his parents by criticizing them but to deal with him permitting anyone to speak negatively about you in his presence. You have lost respect for him and I think you have taken the right course. If you give in now you will never respect him and that's the basis for any relationship. He doesn't have to be mean and ugly to discuss the issue with his parents. All he would have to do is say, "Look Mom and Dad, I love her, she is the one that I have chosen to be my wife, I love her and she loves me, so I am telling you that I do not want to hear any more negative comments about her. ...do you understand? You said it very well!! But thats what I told him. I said, "You don't have to be mean about it, but you need them to know they can't talk about me like that. If you don't stop it now, it will always be like this." -- Posted by somelikeitred at 4:11 am on July 24, 2008 Hell yea. Your boyfriend should defend you, no matter what.