-- Posted by canadianlifeguard at 7:07 pm on Aug. 1, 2008 Hi, I am having a really tough time trying to create a relationship with my mother. I am the oldest of five children and am an overachiever. I have spent my entire life up to this point trying to get my mothers attention and her approval. I am a hard-working student, I don't do drugs, drink or sleep around. I go to church every Sunday, I am a competitive swimmer, lifeguard and I am a full-time University student. i have fully supported myself financially throughout University, except for 2 or 3 times when I asked for small loans and paid her back with interest. I loan her money more often then that, pay for my siblings pocket money and buy most of the groceries and household things. I cook dinner EVERY night. I do this because my mom is a single mom who works full-time and just finished university herself and is trying to repay student loans and just bought her first house. By all means I am not perfect, I fight with my siblings who think I am too bossy, I have failed a course or two despite my hard work and I am human and have emotions and feelings too. I am sooo overwhelmed right now! I have so much going on and so much pressure to do everything from every angle. I would expect the most support or leniency from my mom but lately she has been incredibly hurtful to me and she is increasingly verbally and emotionally abusive. I am failing my courses because I cannot concentrate, my siblings are driving me crazy with their increasing demands on me, my mom expects me to do all the cooking, cleaning, chauffeuring and still be happy and perky all the time. I am so stressed that I have to sit in the car just to have a quiet moment to cry, which I do a lot of these days. I am also having regular panic attacks in which I can't breathe and feel like I'm dying. I can't sleep because I'm thinking about everything I have to do, so I take sleeping pills. I don't know what to do. My mom is not someone you can just talk to, she doesn't want to hear about her failures and takes any complaint or criticism as such. I admire her so much for  everything she does, but I just want her to stop expecting so much from me. I can't do it all anymore and our relationship is suffering because of it. I resent her for expecting so much from me and then feel guilty for complaining. I would like to have help from my sibling who are all old enough to chip in a lot more than they do but they do not listen to me at all, and my mom doesn't want to fight with them so she just tells me to deal with it.  I have thought of leaving and just forgetting all of it and have threatened to do so, but then my mom just gets hurt and treats me horribly for weeks afterwards. I need some suggestions on how to cope with all of this, and this is just home, not to mention work, school, friends, dating and financial stresses. -- Posted by Afu at 7:08 pm on Aug. 1, 2008 maybe you need to loosen up -- Posted by ComplicatedMind at 7:16 pm on Aug. 1, 2008 Sit down and tell her what you think about the fairness of the situation and that she shouldn't be putting you down at all, if you truely do all of that. If she still doesn't listen, I think it might be time to move out, which may be a hard move. -- Posted by Auntymormor25 at 7:24 pm on Aug. 1, 2008 Tell the first things first. YOU NEED TO TALK TO HER! It doesn't mean shit if you cant talk to your mom. Thats a lot to take on. Its not your kids. Your the kid thats trying to get her life together. I cant tell you much but open your mouth and say something. Stand up for your self. If your so scared about what your mom's going to say. Then how are you going to handle stress outside of your family? -- Posted by canadianlifeguard at 7:34 pm on Aug. 1, 2008 Thanks for the advise, I have attempted to talk to her before and she will either walk away or she will yell about how we are all old enough to deal with this ourselves, problem is my siblings know I have no authority and know that if it isn't done I am the one held accountable. I have made chore charts, dish schedules, I have asked nicely, I have even yelled at them! I feel bad for it but my sibling honestly are the laziest, selfish narcissists on the planet. They could care less. My mom is unwilling to help me and I have threatened to move out, but am currently unemployed because we moved from British Columbia to Ontario and I have yet to get a job and we live in the middle of nowhere and I rely on my mom to lend me her car to get anywhere, so I financially cannot move out on my own because I have no money to pay the first months rent. My credit card is maxed out from buying groceries and loaning money to my mom, who has no money to pay me back and I am a coward, I don't want to move out and end any relationship with my mother, despite it all I still love her. I just want some help and recognition that it is not actually my responsibility to do all that I am doing and get some help. Emotionally and physically. I really feel hopeless in this situation because I have no way out, except the street, which is not an option. -- Posted by Hamiltonius at 6:19 pm on Aug. 3, 2008 If she won't listen then you have to work as hard as possible to get the finances to move out. it's not good for you to take on all the responsibilities. why is she like that anyway?