-- Posted by Anonymous at 12:25 am on Aug. 14, 2008 Sorry this got so long winded, but I don't know how to explain the extent of the situation. I have never told this to anyone before. Sometimes, if I think about it too much like tonight, I feel responsible for all her problems. Like how she is much too insecure about herself, so defensive, and eager to please. She's 11 years old, and I suppose it should be one of those stages of growing up that everyone has, but I think it runs much deeper than that. I am so, so mean to her. Once, she spent close to a month carefully cutting up pieces of paper and fashioning them into her own 3-d pentominoes (she got the idea from a book she'd read) and in one moment of anger, I grabbed a hold of them and crushed them with my hands. She cried and threw whatever was left at me and I don't remember exactly, but I think I crushed those too. She never tried making them again. And there are other moments like that. Tons of moments like that, actually. And now, when I yell, she cries and yells back and throws things and says she hates me and I'd never even realized it had gotten that far. Tonight, she read one of the books she'd borrowed from the library out loud to me. I think we sat for an hour together, shoulders touching, laughing about this part and that part. It made me really sad afterward. She's my sister after all, no matter how fucked up everything is between us-- mainly because of me. I'm leaving for college in a week and I feel like I want to make amends. I have been trying to be nicer all summer but I want to start over completely. I am so sorry and ashamed of myself and I really don't know how to get my point across to her. -- Posted by JennyColada at 7:29 pm on Aug. 14, 2008 Especially with family, things have a way of working out. If you really want to make amends then purely starting from this point on is all you can do. You cannot change the past, but she (at least from the one situation you mentioned) seems open and willing to accept your love and kindness. That in itself shows that you haven't ruined her or ruined what could be a great relationship between you. Many brothers and sisters have horrible relationships while growing up, and many of those same brothers and sisters are great friends now. Many of my friends would chase each other around with a knife, one ex of mine had his sister actually hold his head down under the bathwater when he was younger! Do you feel like your old habits of hurt and anger might be coming back, or do you feel like they may be gone for good? If you are going to make an effort to change things the best thing I can mention is to really make it happen. So many friends of mine have gotten hurt over and over by family that "wanted to make things right" and only left them getting hurt over and over. Better to have no relationship (in my eyes) then one as painful as that. You're going to college, you're making a big life choice, but this isn't the end. If you don't make up now (or leaves things as perfect as you want them to be) that doesn't mean that there won't be more chances in the future. Leaving on good terms when you go off to college only allows more room for growth in the future. Don't give up, all is definitely not lost, even if it may feel like it now. You seem like you're on a good road, keep moving. -- Posted by Wolf at 2:27 am on Aug. 15, 2008 We all have our ups and downs.   We all do things we regret in life, sometimes horrible things.  I have done things in my life I would regret.  Things I look back on and say "what the hell was I thinking?"  Well what is in the past is in the past.  The important thing is moving on. You already have really, you are recognizing that there is a problem.  You see that an issue needs to be resolved.  You have all the necessary tools to fix this!  It should be relatively easy too!  Talk to her about it!  If you apologize to her and tell her that some of the things that you have done in the past years shouldn't have happened. Do more with her! Show her this week what you should be for her the rest of her life!  Take her places and do things in these last few days!  Tell her that it is what you want your relationship to be like.  Make sure to keep in touch with her so you don't lose touch! Message me if you want to talk more or give more detail or whatever feel free to pm me. -Shaun