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Printable Version of Topic "the loss of a great woman"

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-- Posted by crazyrugger at 11:01 am on Aug. 15, 2008
my best friends mom died suddenly the other morning of a heart attack
im doing everything i can to help and be strong for her but its so hard
almost 4 years ago my dad killed himself and it was so hard and now dealing with this is taking its toll on me
being there for her and trying to be strong for her makes me so exhausted physically and mentally because its forcing me to rehash every bad moment from when my dad died. its forcing me to feel every emotion all over again and its opening wounds that were almost healed. tonight is the viewing and tomorrow is the funeral and i dont know if i can stay strong for her when i feel myself crumbling

-- Posted by JennyColada at 12:06 pm on Aug. 15, 2008
Sometimes showing weakness can be the largest strength. Being able to lean on EACH OTHER for support, and not have one person leech off of the other is really important. Realizing that you are not made of stone is quite important here as well. It's great that you want to support your friend, but sometimes we all fine ourselves in places where we just feel weak, and that's ok. You do not need to be strong for your friend if it is too much for you. Sitting and crying together is perfectly ok. Telling your friend that you care about her and that you wish that life wasn't so hard sometimes is fine. She needs to be strong herself, sacrificing yourself and your own mental or emotional health for her is not going to help, so don't let it get that far.
There comes a point where we all need to help ourselves, but that doesn't mean that you have to leave her in the dust. It's ok to say that you're hurting too, that isn't a burden on her. Sometimes we lose sight of what is really helpful when a friend is in pain, and we want to magically make the world all better, but we can't do that. Real help is about helping based on reality, not fantasy. It is about seeing what's there and realizing what we can and cannot do, and using our faults just as much as our strengths to overcome our battles and pain.