-- Posted by Just Waiting Here at 10:01 pm on Aug. 18, 2008 ... because an 'I'm sorry' doesn't take away the sadness. --- Time will tell, I've never given up hope, because someone needs to have it. And by chance, if you're still here... Best of luck to you, and I hope you find your happiness in life. --- -- Posted by stiicky iicky at 10:02 pm on Aug. 18, 2008 Sometimes it does. -- Posted by Fortis Obscurum at 10:02 pm on Aug. 18, 2008 Not all the time -- Posted by silentlucidity at 10:03 pm on Aug. 18, 2008 D: You need a hug. -hug.- -- Posted by byebyebeautyful at 10:04 pm on Aug. 18, 2008 i know what you mean.. -- Posted by Just Waiting Here at 10:04 pm on Aug. 18, 2008 Quote: from silentlucidity at 10:03 pm on Aug. 18, 2008 D: You need a hug. -hug.- Someone else needs a hug more than I do, but that may be something that he never gets, or he'll never give himself a chance to get. The internet is scary, because the mere closing of an account or the disappearance of a member leaves you with nothing. -- Posted by iconoclast at 10:36 pm on Aug. 18, 2008 ive left depression and become an angry cynic its less comfortable and routine but its not miserable any longer -- Posted by Just Waiting Here at 10:47 pm on Aug. 18, 2008 Quote: from prisoner of hss at 10:36 pm on Aug. 18, 2008 ive left depression and become an angry cynic its less comfortable and routine but its not miserable any longer I've left depression, but sadly, I'm a worrier at heart -__-'. Sometimes, I wish it would be nice to get rid of any emotion... but it's not something I'm consciously capable of, and not something I truly wish to do. C'est la vie.  Live life, move on. -- Posted by iconoclast at 10:48 pm on Aug. 18, 2008 you just have to stop giving a crap about everything and gain a really really broad perspective and have almost nothing to lose then the sky is the limit but theres nothing really to reach for -- Posted by Just Waiting Here at 9:45 am on Aug. 19, 2008 Quote: from prisoner of hss at 10:48 pm on Aug. 18, 2008 you just have to stop giving a crap about everything and gain a really really broad perspective and have almost nothing to lose then the sky is the limit but theres nothing really to reach for Yes, I've hit points like that, but only when I reached my worst state of depression. Sadly, doing what you're asking is to destroy everything I've been for the past 18 years... and it's so fixed into my life (in fact, it's part of my faults), that it's not something I can turn around. My concern and worry for others and events is one of the things that really takes a toll on me sometimes, and if I could at least tone it down to a normal level, that would be nice, lol. -- Posted by iconoclast at 5:35 pm on Aug. 19, 2008 everything can turn around, it just takes time. and theres a big difference between actually being there philosophically and just being miserable usually with these things its impossible to be 'normal', once you get over it if you truly do (not many people really do) you end up pretty different than everyone else, because there was a legitimate reason or problem for why you felt that way in the first place -- Posted by Just Waiting Here at 7:45 pm on Aug. 19, 2008 Quote: from prisoner of hss at 5:35 pm on Aug. 19, 2008 everything can turn around, it just takes time. and theres a big difference between actually being there philosophically and just being miserable usually with these things its impossible to be 'normal', once you get over it if you truly do (not many people really do) you end up pretty different than everyone else, because there was a legitimate reason or problem for why you felt that way in the first place Yeah... -- Posted by iconoclast at 7:49 pm on Aug. 19, 2008 well its better than being a sheep but its boring and its lame to realize that all your efforts got you absolutely nowhere in terms of doing anything productive in the world because not much can really be done but if you had known this in the first place, wouldve been nice -- Posted by Just Waiting Here at 9:00 pm on Aug. 19, 2008 Quote: from prisoner of hss at 7:49 pm on Aug. 19, 2008 well its better than being a sheep but its boring and its lame to realize that all your efforts got you absolutely nowhere in terms of doing anything productive in the world because not much can really be done but if you had known this in the first place, wouldve been nice I don't know about being a sheep... and I don't have to necessarily feel productive to gain happiness.  I have a few things which are my hopes for the future, and that's all I need.  Productivity... is very much relative to the person... -- Posted by iconoclast at 9:21 pm on Aug. 19, 2008 i mean actually making a difference i guess its not so black and white as in sheep or non-sheep but there are different levels -- Posted by Just Waiting Here at 9:25 pm on Aug. 19, 2008 Quote: from prisoner of hss at 9:21 pm on Aug. 19, 2008 i mean actually making a difference i guess its not so black and white as in sheep or non-sheep but there are different levels Right, but I have no need to feel that I'm making a difference... all the time. I do have that need, but not on a large scale.  Knowing that I may have made the slightest difference in one person's life are the little benefits I like the receive (ie being a support leader, though I doubt I often make a difference). Who knows, I must be a half sheep :).  Half sheep, half cow... :). -- Posted by iconoclast at 10:03 pm on Aug. 19, 2008 eventually when one realizes how fucked UP almost everything really is theres a need to make a difference but that need is just a motivational crusher since it makes shit hopeless making a difference in someone's life...a true difference, nothing wrong with that though -- Posted by Just Waiting Here at 10:10 pm on Aug. 19, 2008 Quote: from prisoner of hss at 10:03 pm on Aug. 19, 2008 eventually when one realizes how fucked UP almost everything really is theres a need to make a difference but that need is just a motivational crusher since it makes shit hopeless making a difference in someone's life...a true difference, nothing wrong with that though No, I've accepted how fucked up everything is.  That's something that I developed a few years ago, and truly peaked some of my emotionally distress (during the times of my depression). But I've accepted it, and leave it at that.  While some things may change, other things never will.  Like you said, a motivational crusher... because at the end of the day, there's not much that can be done... -- Posted by iconoclast at 10:12 pm on Aug. 19, 2008 i dont know personally if anyone can 'accept' these things and fully be aware of them i dont know if anyone could be completely aware of them and even accept living at all its like a huge cloud looming over your head i suppose its possible to avoid it by moving away from civilization with someone you are close to but thats very hard to do and things would be rough -- Posted by Just Waiting Here at 10:16 pm on Aug. 19, 2008 Quote: from prisoner of hss at 10:12 pm on Aug. 19, 2008 i dont know personally if anyone can 'accept' these things and fully be aware of them i dont know if anyone could be completely aware of them and even accept living at all its like a huge cloud looming over your head i suppose its possible to avoid it by moving away from civilization with someone you are close to but thats very hard to do and things would be rough Well, I try to "justify" them or "soften" things from life.  Like you said, to be completely aware of everything (or even some of the things), and to continue with it is hard to think of. One of my most prevalent thoughts in a particular state of depression was the absolute hatred of humanity, and placing myself at the bottom.  Because I knew myself better than anyone else, and that just disgusted me more. And as I said, justifying it or trying to soften in is more or less what I've done... -- Posted by iconoclast at 10:42 pm on Aug. 19, 2008 i dislike humanity's direction in general, but i place myself above (most) people. i dont know why you would place yourself below everyone else. i 'hated' people when i was miserable but it wasnt nearly as philosophical or intelligent as later. if anything, realizing how much of morons people are helped me feel better about myself i dont try to 'soften' things persay but i try to distract myself if those are along the same lines, doesnt work well though. but theres nothing else one can really do -- Posted by Just Waiting Here at 10:46 pm on Aug. 19, 2008 Quote: from prisoner of hss at 10:42 pm on Aug. 19, 2008 i dislike humanity's direction in general, but i place myself above (most) people. i dont know why you would place yourself below everyone else. i 'hated' people when i was miserable but it wasnt nearly as philosophical or intelligent as later. if anything, realizing how much of morons people are helped me feel better about myself i dont try to 'soften' things persay but i try to distract myself if those are along the same lines, doesnt work well though. but theres nothing else one can really do Yes, but as weird as it is, while placing myself below all others, I also placed myself above.  Which is part of the disgust. I hate being selfish, I hate feeling that I'm better than others, and I hate realizing that all my "kindness" is all ways of pleasing myself.  Everything that is done is only done for gain, and that is the way of the world.  No matter what you do, it cannot be twisted into selfishness. I hated myself, because I understood myself, and I hated myself for thinking that despite all that, I was still better.  It's a disgusting feeling for me to rank myself better than others, and I still do it today, and I dislike that feeling. In terms of the selfishness of human beings, I've come to 'soften' it, by accepting that there are two forms of selfishness... and that one should not be looked badly upon.  But there are so many other things that are part of humanity that would be nice to be rid of, but it is impossible to do so.