-- Posted by circa at 6:57 pm on Sep. 7, 2008 To continue where the title left off, she started roughly two weeks ago; that's when I started to realize weird things were happening, but she was usually so grounded and 'real' that it didn't register with me that something might be wrong. Every time she ate, she'd excuse herself to 'wash her hands' and leave the tap running. Obviously, it was to mask the sound, but nobody realized it; still, nobody does. I'm the only one to figure it out, and it's because I'm a nosy motherfucker, but it's also because I care. She says she's still healthy, so I don't know what to say. The only other case of bulimia that I've seen (and known about), the girl happened to hate that she was bulimic and severely wanted someone to help her. The problem, of courseeee, was that she was terrified of being judged negatively. LiveWire, what should my gameplan be? I can't just tell somebody, as this wouldn't help her and it would only work against me; she honestly wouldn't trust me anymore. She promised that as soon as she started to fuck up her life, she was to come to me for help, and together we'd find some for her. Other than that, I have nothing and I'm at a loss. Help me. -- Posted by TBMP at 7:01 pm on Sep. 7, 2008 you have to approach her about it first, thats about all i can tell you ive dealt with it a lot and tehres no gameplan you can follow that will ever do anything. you learn to play it by ear -- Posted by amiee at 9:33 am on Sep. 10, 2008 you might not like what i have to say. i was/am in a similar situation. my best friend, my absolute darling of a friend, is bulimic too. last year at school i was concerned about another friend, but as it turns out, she was an attention seeking little shit. i was lying in bed one night, thinking about how much i'd been worried for her and thinking about how she lied about an eating disorder when it just clicked. my other friend always disappeared after meals. and he always, always took forever. we put it down to him being a typical guy, but my gut feeling told me we were wrong. i remember feeling absolutely sick when it clicked... how i could have missed it for so long when it was so obvious. anyway. i asked him about it and, as it happens, i'm the only person who knows and i'm the only person who figured it out. one major thing you have on your side is that you know. that she told you and that she's spoken about it. my friend admitted that he was making himself sick, but for the longest time he wouldn't talk to me about it. it's the worst thing in the world to have to go through - seeing your friend ill like that, worrying about them, and knowing they don't want to talk about it and that, essentially, there's nothing you can do. i mean, you COULD tell someone, but we both know that probably wouldn't get you anywhere. getting help can't and won't work unless the person wants it and is ready to get it. the only time i ever seriously considered telling someone was when my friend got dangerously ill with it (vomiting blood, fainting, etc.). i don't know. it's such a scary thing to know is happening to someone, but as i said, i've always found that getting help only works if the person wants it and is willing to get it. be there. eventually, my friend came to me and had a break down of sorts and all i could do - all you can do - is be there. when, and if, your friend gets to the stage where she knows she shouldn't be doing this and when she wants help, just be there. my friend started calling me whenever he wanted to make himself sick and whenever he had made himself sick. i think just having someone he could vent to helped somewhat. i mean, it's so very personal, all this weight business, isn't it? and there's only so much you can do. i urged my friend over and over to get help, and he is now.   he's in counseling and he wants to change. that's the important thing. wanting to change. being ready for it. he's ready. and i hope to god your friend gets to that place soon. i'm not saying you should just leave her be. but, as i said, there really is only so much you can do, love. you could tell someone, sure, that's your call. take her at her word, though. she's promised you that she'll tell you if it gets bad - and as for you, keep an eye on her. i think it's really beautiful that she's made that promise to you, and that she knows you're there. it's hard standing back not knowing what the fuck to do, but that's life. it's a shit thing to say, and perhaps insanely useless too, but be there. i'm only going on my past experiences and, going by what my friend has told me, being there for him was the only thing he needed from me, and the best thing i could do and give him. keep an eye on her, look after her. you're probably going to feel shit about it and worry about her until things start to change, but that's only natural when it's a friend going through this and you know there's, really, very little you can do, unfortunately.