-- Posted by Aerorobyn at 4:36 pm on Sep. 11, 2008 Just a thought: What would you do if you were with your boyfriend for 8 years or so already. Say you're already done with college, have jobs, living together...yall are serious and all that. And say you're ready to take the next step...marriage. But your boyfriend kept saying what he said when yall first got together, "I don't believe in marriage" And suppose you want children too, but he still says the same thing he said when yall got together, "I don't like/want children" ...What would you do? Stick with him longer? Move on? What? This thought just occurred to me because...yeah, marriage and a family are things I want someday. My bf says he's not sure if he ever wants any of that, but at the moment his thoughts are 'no'...so yeah. I love him and all, but I don't know if I can be with someone and he's still not 'serious' by the time we're 30 (we're 19 & 20 now)...only 2 years of college left. -- Posted by rhtina1 at 4:38 pm on Sep. 11, 2008 talk to him about it...and if it doesnt work out, and u relize he isnt the guy u want, then break it off -- Posted by iinsurgent at 4:38 pm on Sep. 11, 2008 I wouldn't be in that situation, hypothetical or not. I can tell you, as a person who seems to have the same 'not wanting that' stance as your boyfriend, I'd definitely break up with anyone who really pushes it onto me. -- Posted by Deadman15 at 4:39 pm on Sep. 11, 2008 and how long haveyall been together? -- Posted by TechnoShark at 4:39 pm on Sep. 11, 2008 I would have a serious talk with him about where he stands currently. And take it from there. Minds can change in the span of eight years or so. But if I wanted those things so badly, I would not waste eight years of my life with someone to let me down like that. -- Posted by alastrxxna at 4:40 pm on Sep. 11, 2008 Ask him if he thinks his thoughts will change in the next few years... If not, move on. -- Posted by cherrys77 at 4:42 pm on Sep. 11, 2008 Move on, if you need a family right now. Or wait till he's ready. But there's always the risk that he'll never be ready so i advise you sit down and really think about this. -- Posted by Bres LiveWire at 4:42 pm on Sep. 11, 2008 Have you talked to him on the reasons why he is opposed to marriage? If you do maybe it won't get to you as much. The ones I know who are opposed to it simply state it is just a another way for the government to keep track of you. You should argue your valid points. How it makes you feel. What will make you happy. What you expect from him. If he does not make an effort to compromise. You should move on. It will fall apart down the road because it is not what you truly want. You need someone who better suits you. I hope this helps.   -- Posted by Aerorobyn at 4:44 pm on Sep. 11, 2008 I'm not saying I want the family now. I don't. I want to graduate college first. BUT, I'm just saying...if I'm still with him 8 years down the road and he still doesn't want to be serious. Anyways, we've been together for 14 months so far. Still going strong aside from our difference on marriage/family stuff. -- Posted by JellyBean1 at 4:47 pm on Sep. 11, 2008 well you should tell him that you love him but these are your dreams...you want kids and you got to get married to HIM but if he cant them maybe you shouldnt be 2gether -- Posted by Aerorobyn at 4:48 pm on Sep. 11, 2008 Quote: from Bres LiveWire at 6:42 pm on Sep. 11, 2008 Have you talked to him on the reasons why he is opposed to marriage? I have talked to this. His reasons: -His brother (age 36) is not married and can get up and leave whenever he feels like it. So my bf thinks if he's not married, he can get up and leave whenever he wants. -His sister got married at 25 and told him that she should have waited longer...and he should do the same. -He's still being supported by his parents...and he wants them to support him for as long as they will. And if he gets married, no more of mommy and daddy's money. Yeah, basically it's all based on family stuff. Sadly, he never does anything for himself, its always what family tells him to do. -- Posted by Define Your Line at 4:48 pm on Sep. 11, 2008 Hey there, I know that this is a really difficult situation for you to be in right now.  I know that the answer to your problem here isn't too clear and I'm sorry that you have to experience such difficulties.  However, I will give you my opinion on the subject.  You don't have to listen to me but I will give you my honest opinion anyway. It really seems like your boyfriend is pretty set on the "no marriage" thing.  This can cause a lot of difficulty in your relationship if you want to get married one day.  I know that you love him but you also have to think about what you want as well.  Your opinions, values and beliefs matter just as much as his do.  If he can't accept that, then you really shouldn't be with him. A relationship is all about compromise.  While in a relationship, there will be compromises that you will have to make and you will also need to sacrifice.  If you really love the other person, then these will be no problem.  Like I said, he seems to be pretty set on the "no marriage" thing.  You can't force him into marrying you if he doesn't want to - no matter how serious things get. You have to think about what you really want.  Do you really want to get married?  Do you really want to have children?  If your answers are yes to both of these questions then I would really start thinking about your present situation.  How can you be with someone who doesn't want to get married and have children but you do?  When it comes to big issues like that, you both really need to want the same thing. I know that you love him and that's why this decision can become very difficult for you.  You really need to sit down and think about what you really want out of life.  Don't make your decision based on how long you've been dating.  That really doesn't matter.  You're talking about the rest of your life here - that's *a lot* more time to have to live with the situation and to live with this person. If he is really opposed to what you want, I would really reconsider the relationship.  Maybe you two aren't really meant for each other.  In a relationship, *both* people have to feel comfortable about what's going on in the relationship.  If he so strongly opposes marriage and children, I can't really see a way where both of you will be happy considering you have two opposite perspectives on a very important and crucial matter. I wouldn't stay with him any longer because the longer you stay with him, the harder it'll be to leave.  You need to really think about what you want and see if he's the right guy for you.  If you decide to end the relationship, keep in mind that you two can still be very close friends.  Don't let anyone force you or influence your decision in any way.  You need to make the decision *yourself* based on what you feel is best for *you.*  It's your life and you really need to be happy. I hope I helped.  If you ever need anything or feel the need to discuss this further, don't hesitate to contact me any time as my inbox is always open. Good luck and I wish you all the best. DYL -- Posted by Aerorobyn at 4:56 pm on Sep. 11, 2008 Define Your Line- thanks for the response. I understand what you're saying. See, we've been together for 14 months. When we first got together, he wanted all the same things I did. Then he got a job at a children's portrait studio...and after 10 months of being there he changed his mind on having children. Then, he just all the sudden didn't know if he ever wanted to get married. He says 'no' to all this stuff. But I don't know if he really knows what he wants out of life. He still hasn't decided if what he's majoring in is right for him...or if he wants to be a doctor, environmentalist, pharmacist, or teacher. He's always been a 'spur of the moment' person. He doesn't plan things. He doesn't want to talk about the future much...he just wants to do what he's doing. And--I'm not gonna try forcing him into marrying me. Never. I don't want to force someone into something they don't want. And we've already talked about this...I've told him that these are things I REALLY want, and I do NOT want to be 35 before I start a family. So he understands that...the choice is his though, I guess. -- Posted by MoZ at 1:10 am on Sep. 12, 2008 alot of guys are scared of the commitment when we are younger, but that changes. it depends on how much you love each other i guess...