-- Posted by Anonymous at 7:29 am on Sep. 14, 2008 I wrote this sex scene introduction and I need some opinions. I tried to make it as realistic as possible. ------------------------------------------ "Thanks for minding the kids, Zerana," said Benatrisha, "I realise it's a schoolnight and everything. Skyler is on his cellphone outside. He'll pay you and drive you home. I'm heading to bed". "Goodnight, Mrs Lavertola!" Skyler came inside.   "Thanks a bunch, Zerana. Here's a fifty" "Oh, that won't do at all" she smirked, pulling a baseball bat out from behind her back. "What the f-?" exclaimed Skyler before Zerana knocked him out with the bat.   Zerana's boyfriends came out from behind the curtain. "Let's do this thing!" one of them said, pulling KY out of his pocket. Zerana, Malfasa, Triston and Derkola began stripping Skyler. ---------------------------------------------- So that's the lead-up to the sex. What do you think so far? -- Posted by mikeyp123 at 7:30 am on Sep. 14, 2008 This sounds a little bit rapey. -- Posted by kay dee at 7:31 am on Sep. 14, 2008 What... The... Fuck.... And who the HELL would name children these names? -- Posted by AlexxRawrr at 7:31 am on Sep. 14, 2008 what the hell is with the weird names! -- Posted by ReesesLuverx3 at 7:32 am on Sep. 14, 2008 um.... freaaakky freakkky.. sounds like some creepy soap opera -- Posted by hotsaucii princess at 7:32 am on Sep. 14, 2008 umm its alrght ina werd kinda raping way -- Posted by SpM at 7:32 am on Sep. 14, 2008 Firstly, you have got to stop with the names. Benatrisha? Secondly, it doesn't make any sense on its own. Who the fuck is Tom? -- Posted by Mattie17 at 7:32 am on Sep. 14, 2008 those names must be fake -- Posted by Anonymous at 7:33 am on Sep. 14, 2008 Quote: from SpM at 7:32 am on Sep. 14, 2008 Firstly, you have got to stop with the names. Benatrisha? Secondly, it doesn't make any sense on its own. Who the fuck is Tom? Oh sorry. The husband's name was orginally Tom but I changed it to Skyler. I guess I didn't edit all the 'Tom's -- Posted by ReesesLuverx3 at 7:35 am on Sep. 14, 2008 Quote: from Anonymous at 10:33 am on Sep. 14, 2008 Quote: from SpM at 7:32 am on Sep. 14, 2008 Firstly, you have got to stop with the names. Benatrisha?    Secondly, it doesn't make any sense on its own. Who the fuck is Tom? Oh sorry. The husband's name was orginally Tom but I changed it to Skyler. I guess I didn't edit all the 'Tom's When i heard skyler i thought it was a kid not the husband... -- Posted by guitar lover at 7:36 am on Sep. 14, 2008 ummm... OO have you heard of quizzila or sumin idk how to spell it lots of good stories there check it out -- Posted by SpM at 7:36 am on Sep. 14, 2008 Quote: from Anonymous at 3:33 pm on Sep. 14, 2008 Oh sorry. The husband's name was orginally Tom but I changed it to Skyler. I guess I didn't edit all the 'Tom's Well change it back to Tom. Skyler is a stupid name. As is Zerana, Malfasa, Triston, Derkola and, of course, Benatrisha. Also, how does a teenage girl knock down a grown man without a fight? -- Posted by Anonymous at 7:37 am on Sep. 14, 2008 Quote: from SpM at 7:36 am on Sep. 14, 2008 Quote: from Anonymous at 3:33 pm on Sep. 14, 2008 Oh sorry. The husband's name was orginally Tom but I changed it to Skyler. I guess I didn't edit all the 'Tom's Well change it back to Tom. Skyler is a stupid name. As is Zerana, Malfasa, Triston, Derkola and, of course, Benatrisha. Also, how does a teenage girl knock down a grown man without a fight? She's actually 647 years old and is stronger than any grown man. -- Posted by K r E s C e N d O at 7:38 am on Sep. 14, 2008 Seriously... O____O -- Posted by SpM at 7:38 am on Sep. 14, 2008 Quote: from Anonymous at 3:37 pm on Sep. 14, 2008 She's actually 647 years old and is stronger than any grown man. Firstly, why is the fact that it's a schoolnight relevant? Secondly, please tell me she isn't a vampire. -- Posted by ijustdontknow at 7:38 am on Sep. 14, 2008 its rape -- Posted by Anonymous at 7:39 am on Sep. 14, 2008 Quote: from SpM at 7:38 am on Sep. 14, 2008 Quote: from Anonymous at 3:37 pm on Sep. 14, 2008 She's actually 647 years old and is stronger than any grown man. Firstly, why is the fact that it's a schoolnight relevant? Secondly, please tell me she isn't a vampire. Yes she is. -- Posted by Anonymous at 7:40 am on Sep. 14, 2008 And she looks like a beautiful 14 year old so Benatrisha would assume she attends school. -- Posted by SpM at 7:41 am on Sep. 14, 2008 Quote: from Anonymous at 3:39 pm on Sep. 14, 2008 Yes she is. Did you just decide to write the most unoriginal story you could possibly think of? -- Posted by SpM at 7:41 am on Sep. 14, 2008 Quote: from Anonymous at 3:40 pm on Sep. 14, 2008 And she looks like a beautiful 14 year old so Benatrisha would assume she attends school. By the way, why exactly are these people gang raping Tom? -- Posted by YeahBoii at 7:42 am on Sep. 14, 2008 What the hell? -- Posted by junkielik77 at 7:43 am on Sep. 14, 2008 Is this supposed to be some sort of parody of the ill-received sex scene I wrote earlier? edit: I would not be surprised if Permious wrote this. -- Posted by Anonymous at 7:46 am on Sep. 14, 2008 Quote: from SpM at 7:41 am on Sep. 14, 2008 Quote: from Anonymous at 3:40 pm on Sep. 14, 2008 And she looks like a beautiful 14 year old so Benatrisha would assume she attends school. By the way, why exactly are these people gang raping Tom? They're going to "rape" Skyler so that Derkola can consume his libido. He's a Drikarst Warrior and he needs to consume a libido every 17 days in order to stay alive. -- Posted by SpM at 7:49 am on Sep. 14, 2008 Quote: from Anonymous at 3:46 pm on Sep. 14, 2008 They're going to "rape" Skyler so that Derkola can consume his libido.   He's a Drikarst Warrior and he needs to consume a libido every 17 days in order to stay alive. Why? And why are they "raping" him in his own house with his wife in an adjacent room? -- Posted by SpM at 7:50 am on Sep. 14, 2008 And why would a superstrong vampire need a baseball bat? -- Posted by junkielik77 at 7:50 am on Sep. 14, 2008 Quote: from SpM at 7:49 am on Sep. 14, 2008 Quote: from Anonymous at 3:46 pm on Sep. 14, 2008 They're going to "rape" Skyler so that Derkola can consume his libido.    He's a Drikarst Warrior and he needs to consume a libido every 17 days in order to stay alive. Why? And why are they "raping" him in his own house with his wife in an adjacent room? I believe this is a parody, of the sex scene I wrote earlier, in which you called "awkward". This is even more unrealistic than mine was. -- Posted by Anonymous at 7:50 am on Sep. 14, 2008 Quote: from SpM at 7:49 am on Sep. 14, 2008 Quote: from Anonymous at 3:46 pm on Sep. 14, 2008 They're going to "rape" Skyler so that Derkola can consume his libido.  He's a Drikarst Warrior and he needs to consume a libido every 17 days in order to stay alive. Why? And why are they "raping" him in his own house with his wife in an adjacent room? The question of 'why?' is a recurring theme in this series of novels I'm writing, and all my characters find themselves asking it, and considering suicide. Zerana and Triston both cut. His wife is asleep. -- Posted by SpM at 7:53 am on Sep. 14, 2008 Quote: from Anonymous at 3:50 pm on Sep. 14, 2008 The question of 'why?' is a recurring theme in this series of novels I'm writing, and all my characters find themselves asking it, and considering suicide. Zerana and Triston both cut. I'm asking about the nature of a  Drikarst Warrior, not existential angst or ridiculous emo vampires. His wife is asleep. She left the room 5 seconds before they clubbed him. She'd undress, brush her teeth and wonder why her husband wasn't joining her. -- Posted by SpM at 7:55 am on Sep. 14, 2008 Quote: from junkielik77 at 3:50 pm on Sep. 14, 2008 I believe this is a parody, of the sex scene I wrote earlier, in which you called "awkward".   This is even more unrealistic than mine was. Yeah, I realise it's probably a troll. There aren't any other entertaining topics up though, so I may as well play along. -- Posted by Erin15 at 1:06 pm on Sep. 14, 2008 lol. Wow.