-- Posted by carracer at 9:53 pm on Oct. 6, 2008 . -- Posted by Jadien at 9:54 pm on Oct. 6, 2008 It's really choppy. The sentences that rhyme ought to have the same syllables. Really interesting poem, though. I love the use of your words. -- Posted by carracer at 9:56 pm on Oct. 6, 2008 Quote: from Jadien at 9:54 pm on Oct. 6, 2008 It's really choppy. The sentences that rhyme ought to have the same syllables. Really interesting poem, though. I love the use of your words. I had that problem when I was writing. Do you have any specific suggestions? (Its a rough draft, so I am hoping to revise) -- Posted by Corey Lynn at 10:01 pm on Oct. 6, 2008 not to bad -- Posted by untainted at 10:04 pm on Oct. 6, 2008 as a reader i have to say i didn't think it was very good. i have no idea what you were trying to say in the poem.