-- Posted by tell me again at 4:06 pm on Oct. 20, 2008 my dad. (and my family in general, but mostly my dad) Well, something did happen. I heard from my cousin over msn just now. And i really don't care. All I feel is a kind of an anxious dread that I won't act right and people will get angry at my heartlessness and things will escalate to hysterical chaos if I don't act right. My dad had a stroke. He's in hospital and I don't know how his condition is. It feels kind of unreal. But I'd be surprised if caring about him comes to me later. I did think about him today though, and my mind cringed in dislike. This is so dysfunctional i dunno what I should do. -- Posted by xBlackRainbow93x at 4:07 pm on Oct. 20, 2008 I wish my dad would die. -- Posted by melodramatic at 4:08 pm on Oct. 20, 2008 My mom passed away this August. I'd wondered how I'd react, And now I know. I used to think she was awfully controlling, and we faught a lot. And then one day, She was diagnosed with Cancer, 5 months later she's gone. If he survives, Try to appreciate him to the best of your ability even if you dislike him. You only have one you know. -- Posted by xXsarafersureXx at 4:08 pm on Oct. 20, 2008 Yeah, I thought about bad things, and it didn't make me feel anything really. so i know how you feel. maybe you'll feel something though for him? -- Posted by tell me again at 4:10 pm on Oct. 20, 2008 Quote: from melodramatic at 4:08 pm on Oct. 20, 2008 My mom passed away this August. I'd wondered how I'd react, And now I know. I used to think she was awfully controlling, and we faught a lot. And then one day, She was diagnosed with Cancer, 5 months later she's gone. If he survives, Try to appreciate him to the best of your ability even if you dislike him. You only have one you know. Yeah, trying to appreciate him is like stale bread long past overdue. -- Posted by Sheebobee at 4:10 pm on Oct. 20, 2008 Ive had dreams about my dad dying and they scare me soo much -- Posted by NikkiMikki at 4:10 pm on Oct. 20, 2008 Go see him. -- Posted by melodramatic at 4:13 pm on Oct. 20, 2008 Quote: from tell me again at 4:10 pm on Oct. 20, 2008 Quote: from melodramatic at 4:08 pm on Oct. 20, 2008 My mom passed away this August. I'd wondered how I'd react, And now I know. I used to think she was awfully controlling, and we faught a lot. And then one day, She was diagnosed with Cancer, 5 months later she's gone. If he survives, Try to appreciate him to the best of your ability even if you dislike him. You only have one you know. Yeah, trying to appreciate him is like stale bread long past overdue. Why? -- Posted by tell me again at 4:13 pm on Oct. 20, 2008 Quote: from NikkiMikki at 4:10 pm on Oct. 20, 2008 Go see him. I'm actually glad im in a diff country, so that i might be able to not go and see him (though if it's serious, i "should" go back anyway). If i had mentioned abuse in the original post, you guys might say things differently. But the thing is, irl the abuse doesn't exist and i dont' know if i can act normal and act like i care. It's so wrong to act about that anyway, isn't it? Yeah, i'm sort of going "me me me!" right now, in this thread. But i just can't find it in me to care for him, at all. -- Posted by tell me again at 4:27 pm on Oct. 20, 2008 Quote: from melodramatic at 4:13 pm on Oct. 20, 2008 Quote: from tell me again at 4:10 pm on Oct. 20, 2008 Quote: from melodramatic at 4:08 pm on Oct. 20, 2008 My mom passed away this August. I'd wondered how I'd react, And now I know. I used to think she was awfully controlling, and we faught a lot. And then one day, She was diagnosed with Cancer, 5 months later she's gone. If he survives, Try to appreciate him to the best of your ability even if you dislike him. You only have one you know.    Yeah, trying to appreciate him is like stale bread long past overdue.   Why? I just dont know if i can appreciate him without it being some denial of the truth. The truth being how much he messed me up.   I mean, caring for him somewhat, somehow, just because he's my dad sounds pretty normal and human and kind of nice/comforting, but I'm afraid it just is not true. Edit: Oh and I said it's long past overdue because I tried to make excuses and appreciate him on some level but I can't. If he dies, maybe I'd say something different. But honestly? I don't think so. And I don't like how if this was a post about what he's done to me, I'd get replies/PMs/advice about murdering him and/or reporting him -- Posted by melodramatic at 4:30 pm on Oct. 20, 2008 Quote: from tell me again at 4:27 pm on Oct. 20, 2008 Quote: from melodramatic at 4:13 pm on Oct. 20, 2008 Quote: from tell me again at 4:10 pm on Oct. 20, 2008 Quote: from melodramatic at 4:08 pm on Oct. 20, 2008 My mom passed away this August. I'd wondered how I'd react, And now I know. I used to think she was awfully controlling, and we faught a lot. And then one day, She was diagnosed with Cancer, 5 months later she's gone. If he survives, Try to appreciate him to the best of your ability even if you dislike him. You only have one you know.   Yeah, trying to appreciate him is like stale bread long past overdue.    Why? I just dont know if i can appreciate him without it being some denial of the truth. The truth being how much he messed me up.   I mean, caring for him somewhat, somehow, just because he's my dad sounds pretty normal and human and kind of nice/comforting, but I'm afraid it just is not true. Sometimes Parents flaw us so much we don't want to go back to them. I know what you are talking about, And I know it is going to be insanely hard if not impossible to try to make peace. But a gutsy attempt, Is that something that you can do for yourself? -- Posted by tell me again at 4:33 pm on Oct. 20, 2008 Quote: from melodramatic at 4:30 pm on Oct. 20, 2008 Quote: from tell me again at 4:27 pm on Oct. 20, 2008 Quote: from melodramatic at 4:13 pm on Oct. 20, 2008 Quote: from tell me again at 4:10 pm on Oct. 20, 2008 Quote: from melodramatic at 4:08 pm on Oct. 20, 2008 My mom passed away this August. I'd wondered how I'd react, And now I know. I used to think she was awfully controlling, and we faught a lot. And then one day, She was diagnosed with Cancer, 5 months later she's gone. If he survives, Try to appreciate him to the best of your ability even if you dislike him. You only have one you know.        Yeah, trying to appreciate him is like stale bread long past overdue.     Why?    I just dont know if i can appreciate him without it being some denial of the truth. The truth being how much he messed me up.    I mean, caring for him somewhat, somehow, just because he's my dad sounds pretty normal and human and kind of nice/comforting, but I'm afraid it just is not true. Sometimes Parents flaw us so much we don't want to go back to them. I know what you are talking about, And I know it is going to be insanely hard if not impossible to try to make peace. But a gutsy attempt, Is that something that you can do for yourself? Sorry, I edited and added stuff in the previous post after you quoted. Sure, I can make "a gutsy attempt", but how does that mean anything other than a lie? I mean, your case may be different and I appreciate that you're trying to give me advice about this. But if a stroke is what warrants an attempt, then why attempt at all? I attempted already, and failed, what's any different? It seems to me like the answer is "nothing, other than the fact that his situation now is an unfortunate one".