-- Posted by ocdbabe at 5:40 pm on Oct. 24, 2008 Sun high, thoughts low. She'd never felt like this before. The young lover was alone even with a friend by her side. She wished for rain to match her mood and remembered the days when she prayed for light. A friend by her side who spoke kind words and reassured her she would be just fine. A friend by her side who thought he knew and assumed she spoke the truth. Falling thoughts, rising sun. She didn't care for serenity though. All I had to do was look her in the eyes, and I knew. -- Posted by dragon14 at 5:44 pm on Oct. 24, 2008 awwwwwww cool i think that you could use more words that sound the same but its fine like that -- Posted by chaosdisown at 5:45 pm on Oct. 24, 2008 nice use of words, but the lines seem kinda lost in organization... -- Posted by ocdbabe at 5:50 pm on Oct. 24, 2008 Thanks guys, yeah, I definitely am not good with the breaking of lines. Haha -- Posted by chaosdisown at 5:54 pm on Oct. 24, 2008 i mean, the foundation is good, but it needs more structure, something that brings it to life. -- Posted by ocdbabe at 5:57 pm on Oct. 24, 2008 Quote: from chaosdisown at 5:54 pm on Oct. 24, 2008 i mean, the foundation is good, but it needs more structure, something that brings it to life. I kind of threw it together.I like the general idea, but I know that it needs a bit more.