-- Posted by metrico at 8:32 pm on Oct. 26, 2008 Okay so I'm like really shy, like social anxiety shy and while I've been working on it and stuff, I still have a lot of problems when it comes to getting close to people and dating...like people say just hang out and give your number to someone you just meet and like and I think that's really weird, I don't like people that quickly. It takes forever to like like people too. I'm apparently not great on picking up when girls are interested in me either and have actually said no to people cause I wasn't interested enough....and just generally scared. I'm not terribly bad looking though, not as fit as I'd like but I've been told that I'm quite handsome/cute, but nevertheless I still have very low self esteem and confidence. Even when I do things I like to do, it really doesn't help it much after the fact. so, what do you think I should do? I can't seem to find anyone I like (and the ones I do like show no interest/would probably be incompatible) so it's making me worried that I'll never find anyone at all. I mean I'm 19, it's getting kinda ridiculous.... -- Posted by UndergroundKing at 8:34 pm on Oct. 26, 2008 I don't really no what to say man... Except that you're not alone lol.  You pretty much described my life.   -- Posted by Im the Dude at 8:35 pm on Oct. 26, 2008 let me call some of the support leaders... -- Posted by Squee77 at 8:35 pm on Oct. 26, 2008 well, i'd go walk around in public go into stores you might like if you seem someone you possibly might like go close to them and greet with them and talk about what they're shopping for and find something in common between each other. but that's just my opinion for you. -- Posted by metrico at 8:41 pm on Oct. 26, 2008 The funny thing is I have a really great job on the sales floor where I work and I'm always great with customers, I'm not afraid of them much, funny as it sounds and and my friends are great but I still feel oddly disconnected when it comes to love and stuff...like all I want is someone who just gets me a likes the same things or at least some of the same stuff...like I don't feel like many people are on my wavelength and I just don't click. I thought I had found someone that I thought was perfect last year but she didn't show much interest so I never told her how I felt. Too scared. -- Posted by helloworld at 9:35 pm on Oct. 26, 2008 Quote: from metrico at 11:41 pm on Oct. 26, 2008 The funny thing is I have a really great job on the sales floor where I work and I'm always great with customers, I'm not afraid of them much, funny as it sounds and and my friends are great but I still feel oddly disconnected when it comes to love and stuff... I completely understand this. I have a job that requires constant interaction with people and sometimes calls for a somewhat aggressive personality. I have no problem with that because I feel like "this is work." Outside of working or even interacting with co-workers I'm known as the "quiet guy." Once I get to know someone better I can talk for hours. The problem is if I actually really like a girl it makes it harder to get to that point because I tend to say even less, for fear of saying something dumb. Which doesn't help at all. (I'm trying to fight this part of myself, so we'll see what happens.) I thought I had found someone that I thought was perfect last year but she didn't show much interest so I never told her how I felt. Too scared. How well did you know her at that point? Were you guys hanging out or anything? From my limited experience, the only time I've had any success worth noting with women is when I get some kind of flirting going (sounds obvious to most, but it's not that easy for some of us), including a little physical playfulness (ie. touching - the innocent kind, obviously, playful shoving, etc). Just telling some chick I like that I like her out of the blue never worked so I gave that one up a long time ago. I guess this isn't really very helpful but you're not alone in this. -- Posted by metrico at 11:24 pm on Oct. 26, 2008 Quote: from helloworld at 9:35 pm on Oct. 26, 2008 Quote: from metrico at 11:41 pm on Oct. 26, 2008 The funny thing is I have a really great job on the sales floor where I work and I'm always great with customers, I'm not afraid of them much, funny as it sounds and and my friends are great but I still feel oddly disconnected when it comes to love and stuff... I completely understand this. I have a job that requires constant interaction with people and sometimes calls for a somewhat aggressive personality. I have no problem with that because I feel like "this is work." Outside of working or even interacting with co-workers I'm known as the "quiet guy." Once I get to know someone better I can talk for hours. The problem is if I actually really like a girl it makes it harder to get to that point because I tend to say even less, for fear of saying something dumb. Which doesn't help at all. (I'm trying to fight this part of myself, so we'll see what happens.) I thought I had found someone that I thought was perfect last year but she didn't show much interest so I never told her how I felt. Too scared. How well did you know her at that point? Were you guys hanging out or anything? From my limited experience, the only time I've had any success worth noting with women is when I get some kind of flirting going (sounds obvious to most, but it's not that easy for some of us), including a little physical playfulness (ie. touching - the innocent kind, obviously, playful shoving, etc). Just telling some chick I like that I like her out of the blue never worked so I gave that one up a long time ago. I guess this isn't really very helpful but you're not alone in this. Totally, it's like an on/off switch! I hate talking to some co-workers though, that I can't do, but customers, are fine as I enjoy helping them find what they need. Also, I was always nervous I was sounding dumb and uninteresting, hell even after she moved away I didn't write because I was scared I'd sound boring and that she wouldn't want to write.. I mean, we hung out a little bit, I used to make it a point to go hang out at the place where she worked to talk and play games when she wasn't busy. I invited her to cook and between me being nervous and not having lots of the ingredients I delayed it, like twice...and then the day we did have it went okay and stuff, like other people helped out too, which wasn't my intention but meh, what can you do... like I'm not an aggressive guy, I don't flirt, I'm not touchy feely, if I had had enough courage I would have asked her out to tea or sushi (if that would imply a date more than "let's cook") and ended up like being really distant from her, like avoidant...but meh, she ended up with another guy anyway and moved away, so it doesn't matter. Her interests have been probably the closest to my own though that I've ever seen and it was probably biggest crush I've had in years. Probably why I was scared of her a little bit... My only other experiences with girls showing interest that I've noticed or was told was when best friend confessed that she liked me, but I said no because of being scared, not being particularly attracted to her, and also she didn't understand much of interests and considers them novelties so I don't feel there's much respect there or basic "understanding". Then there's another girl in high school who I was just too scared..I told her I was unsure and that I didn't want to hurt her if I went with it cause I was unsure if I could like her back. Recently a person told me they had a crush on me a while back but I had no idea that had occurred. That's always the issue, I never seem to like the people that show a lot of interest in me as much as they probably do, so it's like I just want to find someone that I myself like and they'll like me back too. -- Posted by mcodeath at 3:41 am on Oct. 27, 2008 As I see it you'll have three options... 1.)Wait until you get a bit older (21), start hitting the bar-crowds and whatnot, not exactly the best people to find, but its generally the easiest way to find new people. 2.)Force yourself to "Open up" more, attempt to be more social, I know this is a seemingly impossible task being I had the same problems, especially in any larger group settings, take time, practice and nerves of steel that usually are hard to muster. 3.)Go the online route, find people through facebook/myspace whatever random social site, people around you, strick up the random conversations, if things start going good, maybe it leads to meeting up in person, things either go good or bad, can't always win after all. -- Posted by RandomOne at 11:18 am on Oct. 29, 2008 Maybe online dating would do? -- Posted by fairylights at 11:31 am on Oct. 29, 2008 You seem like a sweet guy and I have no doubt that there will be someone out there for you. I myself am a shy girl but I know its harder for guys as they often ending up being the ones to make the first move. I would suggest making an effort to go to parties/get togethers with your friends and slowly building up your confidence by talking to people. Best of lukc :) -- Posted by metrico at 4:24 pm on Oct. 31, 2008 Idk, I'm more worried why I don't like many girls at all and I always end up liking the girls that would probably never go out with me if I asked...I just know they wouldn't have. It always ends up like that. -- Posted by QisQ at 9:08 am on Nov. 2, 2008 You gotta grow a backbone man. Girls like confidence. Shyness might be cute in middle/high school but once your in college, its like a turnoff. You just gotta open up. Girls are generally nice. Just don't say anything stupid and you'll be surpsied how easy it is to talk to them. Goto Askmen.com and goto their dating section. They have lots of good articles that will help you out. -- Posted by Johnboysfun at 12:30 pm on Nov. 2, 2008 Since you are shy only when the situation is potentially personal or intimate, I bet you just lack sexual confidence and experience. Get some older experiences female to give you lessons until you have complete confidence that yu can give her big orgasms. You may just have to be up front with the teacher, even if you pay her. -- Posted by metrico at 11:20 pm on Nov. 2, 2008 Noooo way man. I can't possibly have a shallow relationship like that. But yes, I am very sexually inexperienced. Relationship inexperienced, everything. It's more or less not being able to tell people that I like them when I do in fact, like a person. -- Posted by helloworld at 11:27 pm on Nov. 2, 2008 Quote: from metrico at 2:20 am on Nov. 3, 2008 Noooo way man. I can't possibly have a shallow relationship like that. But yes, I am very sexually inexperienced. Relationship inexperienced, everything. It's more or less not being able to tell people that I like them when I do in fact, like a person. I really think you need to try to overcome this: like I'm not an aggressive guy, I don't flirt, I'm not touchy feely I'm the wrong person to ask for pointers because I'm only just trying it myself, but I'm convinced it's a better approach than doing nothing, and it's a hell of a lot easier than mustering up the courage to outright tell a girl you like her. (And the fact is, it creates an image of you as a possibility of beyond "just friends," which is kind of the point.) -- Posted by metrico at 11:48 pm on Nov. 2, 2008 Okay, good enough. I just gotta find more people that I like. No one ever catches my eye much and it drives me batshit crazy.