-- Posted by Anonymous at 2:44 pm on Nov. 14, 2008 After yesterday I was hurt again when I was just recovering from years of mental instability. I wanted to get away but my means of getting away, my car wouldn't start. So I said fuck it and just ate my little concoction of pills which I will not disclose. 12+ hours later after falling asleep I awake. I felt a sense of strength for going to that low again, the low of doing reckless things in hope the pain stop. So right now I feel ok, I am disappointed at the resilants of my body. This isn't the first botched attempt. I don't know why I feel a sense of content when the most important thing to me seems gone forever. Why do I feel so content right now? It's very confusing and I feel like I am in denial and it just ain't hit me of what I've lost. Please help me with your words. Why after this failed suicide/self harm act do I feel content and calm? What do I do from here, what if I am in denial and it all hit me again and I try this reckless stuff again? This person and the situation with them runs deep inside my mind and heart, so I know they aren't totally gone from my conscious and it make me scared that I'm just never gonna be normal because of them and our situation. I feel in days or weeks to come I might try this suicidal crap again. I hate having to get to the point of death just to feel good for a little bit. help me, I'm alive and content for now but I know this person isn't gonna be out my life for good ever and all they do is bring me to the point of self harm and suicide. What can I do if they are part of my heart and soul and mind. I'll never be rid of them, I'm not naive enough to think that I can totally purge me heart,mind and soul of them. I know they are the same when it come to me it like I'll never be normal or happy again. -- Posted by xXAngelofMusicXx at 3:05 pm on Nov. 14, 2008 Talk to the person. I'm not too sure how to help you I'm really sorry, but I hate that you feel so low over a person, that happens and we can't turn back time so that you didn't get to this point but you can try to save yourself and not focus on this person so much, I know you can't push them out of your heart, but you can focus on other things instead. It sounds like you should go rebuild your life. And talk to someone about this.