-- Posted by Anonymous at 4:37 am on Nov. 18, 2008 But not enough to make me want to do anything about it and overcome my aversion to social contact. My expectations for what constitutes a good day out in the world is essentially not being made fun of or threatened physically and remaining well-fed. I don't care to interact on an above superficial level except in certain circumstances. All my time in class is spent not paying attention and drawing various cartoons which I show my classmates to get a reaction from them. As the days go by I begin to idealize suicide and murder because I feel so hopeless and resentful towards the outside world for working so perfectly, while I am stuck, pathetic, a half-realized mockery of a human being. But all everyone sees is my cheerful infantile behavior. I keep the rage bottled up inside but it manifests itself in my bad behavior. I feel trapped, like nowhere I go is comfortable or safe, and I am always being watched and harassed. I and the world are so fortunate that I remain directly unprovoked because I don't think I can control myself otherwise. -- Posted by Tubbz at 4:38 am on Nov. 18, 2008 I'm assuming you're female from this, but Bisexuality is the way forward, tell a few close female friends and put the feelers out. Then find a girl you like, see what happens. If you don't like doing sexual stuff with girls, oh well. If you do, go lesbian. -- Posted by mtllcrckmn at 5:35 am on Nov. 18, 2008 That was beautifully written. I can offer no help though, apart from one piece of advice: Hang in there, cus sooner or later something or someone is gonna come along and you will be glad you are alive.