-- Posted by Anonymous at 9:20 am on Nov. 19, 2008 I feel really horrible. I feel fat, ugly, disorganized. I want to fix things in my life but I don't know how. I smoke I drink I cuss I cut Im depressed I want to die I purge I binge I restrict Im ugly Im broke... Im mentally unstable Im jealous I just dont know how to fix any of it.  I hate being this way. How do i fix myself...How do I fix my life. How can I just make things better? I want so bad to be pretty, to be thin, to be smart, to be loved, to get rid of my bad habits, to just fix my mind and stop thinking the way i do, even more just someone to tell who actually cares. I want to fix my life so bad. I want to get back to my Christian roots. How can God forgive me. I am forsaken him for so long, done things I know I shouldnt and know he disapproves of. Im on the long road heading for hell and I hate it. Its the only thing holding me back from suicide. Because I fear hell, I don't want to go, but i deserve it. I just hate who I have become over the years. And I hate those people who treated me SO BAD that year that made me completley change who I was. I hate them, hate it, hate me. Im sorry for this post. Its really not a pity party I just need to get this off my chest. I truly hate myself and I don't know how to stop. -- Posted by Fentastic at 9:22 am on Nov. 19, 2008 There's no miracle fix. Start knocking those things off of your list one by one. It's going to be a long, hard road, but you can do it if you're truly committed. Time will tell if you're serious about reform. -- Posted by Riot at 9:23 am on Nov. 19, 2008 1. Prozac, 2. Alli, 3. Bandaids. Pills make everything better~ -- Posted by Thanantos at 9:23 am on Nov. 19, 2008 pm me Hun i will talk I'm Good talker a listener -- Posted by spartan09 at 9:23 am on Nov. 19, 2008 Get a friend who can hold you accountable, and begin to start crossing things off your list. You really need someone who can tell you when yo ufall, and give you encouragement when you're doing good. -- Posted by Anonymous at 9:34 am on Nov. 19, 2008 Quote: from Riot at 9:23 am on Nov. 19, 2008 1. Prozac, 2. Alli, 3. Bandaids. Pills make everything better~ But my mom doesnt know anything about what I do. I mean Im 18 so I can probably go to a psychiatrist on my own right? and she wouldnt tell my mum? cuz I really dont like talking to people. Can I get these pills without a prescription -- Posted by RIMHfire at 9:35 am on Nov. 19, 2008 I suggest pills and a counselor. -- Posted by lovestruck13 at 2:18 pm on Nov. 19, 2008 once you're 18 they're not legally obligated to tell your parents anymore because you're considered an adult. so you should take advantage of that, because when i read your post it was like it came straight out of my head (except for the god stuff), but i'm 14 so my parents ARE going to find out. it's only going to get worse. get help before it does; i strongly suggest it. -- Posted by Anonymous at 5:25 am on Nov. 20, 2008 Quote: from lovestruck13 at 2:18 pm on Nov. 19, 2008 once you're 18 they're not legally obligated to tell your parents anymore because you're considered an adult. so you should take advantage of that, because when i read your post it was like it came straight out of my head (except for the god stuff), but i'm 14 so my parents ARE going to find out. it's only going to get worse. get help before it does; i strongly suggest it. i just dont know if im strong enough to go to someone in person and actually say all of this. i dont think i can do it. being in denial is just so much easier