-- Posted by pInKiE at 12:46 pm on Nov. 24, 2008 I think this is more of a rant, than anything.  I'm really frustrated at the moment.  I can't seem to get the comfort of that warm blanket out of my mind.  It's even haunting my dreams.  Last night I dreamt that I was in this theatre watching a play, and a friend and I were taking oxycontins while there.  I must have chewed a dozen, or so; enough to probably die from an overdose.  My family was in the theatre, but I couldn't see any of their faces, and none of them would look at me.  I kept going into the bathroom to vomit, and ended up waking up, having spit all over myself, and was gagging, gasping for breath.  I even felt like I was kind of high for a little bit after I woke up, and was really shaken by it all. Jesus Christ, I've been off smack for over a year, now, and I still can't seem to get over it.  I just want to move forward with my life, and not think about it anymore, obsess about it, but it always seems to be clawing away at the back of my mind; lurking in the shadows of my subconcious. I feel like I've accomplished much, but that I'm heading nowhere.  I fear a collapse, and I'm angry at myself.  I don't know what I'm really looking for with this, just kind of needed to talk about it to no one imparticular I suppose. -- Posted by HeavenShallBurn at 12:48 pm on Nov. 24, 2008 Well, dont pop oxy or do smack. When I wanted to quit I took up some other addictive activity.(Not like somking), like for me it was boxing, and I had to stay in shape for it, so I dident smoke.... Just try to replace it with something else... it worked for me. -- Posted by squeekybee at 12:49 pm on Nov. 24, 2008 I think its normal to keep thinking about it if your body is fighting an addiction. I know that I use to cut and I had a relapse back in to it a little while ago, and people told me relapses with past addictions are normal. If you have come this far, I don't think you should worry -- Posted by Al Legator at 1:05 pm on Nov. 24, 2008 I don't have first hand experience but I understand that it's very common for you to feel that way. You have accomplished much...by the very nature of not going back you are going forward.  It must be frustrating but you are going somewhere, a day at a time (like the rest of us, it's not just an AA or NA thing!). It sounds like you feel like you may as well relapse since you think you aren't going anywhere. This is a dangerous way to think and I suspect you realise the danger or you might not be so upset. One step, one day, at a time, just like everyone.