-- Posted by lthomas at 9:50 am on Nov. 25, 2008 My boyfriend and i have been together for a couple months now, and we have tried to have sex 4 times. The first two, didn't work at all. The third worked, but only because we were "under the influence." And the last time we tried it didnt work. Obviously, he does not have any trouble getting hard, because he is always fine before we decide to try, but whenever it comes down to it he can't get it up. Neither of us understand the problem especially since it has worked before, but we don't want to have to be messed up everytime we have sex. help!   -- Posted by ironicdreams at 9:51 am on Nov. 25, 2008 LAWL. Usually "under the influence" makes it harder to "get up." Maybe he doesn't think you're attractive unless he's blitz? -- Posted by easy at 9:51 am on Nov. 25, 2008 Let it be natural, don't plan anything -- Posted by 007bondgirl08 at 9:51 am on Nov. 25, 2008 i dunno??? -- Posted by beautyskooldropout at 9:52 am on Nov. 25, 2008 thats so weird, i wonder why that happens. -- Posted by dabomb09 at 9:53 am on Nov. 25, 2008 I had that problem before with a guy.  He said it was because he was scared and nervous.  Just because you'll have been together for a while doesnt mean anything.  He might be nervous about how he will perform. -- Posted by lthomas at 9:54 am on Nov. 25, 2008 thanks everyone lol -- Posted by Live Just To Die at 9:54 am on Nov. 25, 2008 Stop being so nervous and he will get it up fine -- Posted by spartan09 at 9:55 am on Nov. 25, 2008 He's probably nervous. :P Just take things easy for him or something. -- Posted by babygurl 2008 at 9:56 am on Nov. 25, 2008 Damn, You must be a turn off for him. -- Posted by audibleSIN at 9:57 am on Nov. 25, 2008 Get some Chinese Food. -- Posted by lthomas at 9:59 am on Nov. 25, 2008 chinese food sounds good lol one thing i don't think people are realizing is that he actually is hard up until the very moment we decide to have sex. so i know im not a turn off lol -- Posted by audibleSIN at 10:01 am on Nov. 25, 2008 I'm serious about the Chinese Food. Try it. Apparently a lot of stories I've read involved the guy eating Rice. Weird. -- Posted by lthomas at 10:02 am on Nov. 25, 2008 that's really weird lol i'll keep that in mind -- Posted by Al Legator at 10:03 am on Nov. 25, 2008 It's not uncommon at all. nervousness about the surroundings (getting discovered, making noise...) can do it. So can concern about STDs or pregnancy. So can concern about "pleasing you"....which, when he doesn't just makes it worse in his mind the next time you try...failure is almost guaranteed then. So can concern about what this "next step" really means in the relationship...he could be worried what you are expecting next...it could be a lot of things. My recommendation: Do not say"OK, this Saturday night we are having sex." have the appropriate protections or birth control available, but don't plan it way beforehand. Tell him you don't want to have intercourse, just be naked with him.Tell him you don't expect * and don't want* him to be a porn star , just be with you. Guys want to 'perform" like a porn star and "performance anxiety" is common. Talk over some of the issues I mention above. Don't use "the problem" or "your problem", don't even refer to them as issues. Guys like to be able to fix things and presenting the issues as "issues or problems"  will put up yet another wall he feels he must jump over. Just talk about stuff.