-- Posted by Anonymous at 7:28 pm on Dec. 1, 2008 Was...depressing. It was the first real snowfall of the winter, I had to stay after school and by the time I left it was night. It was cold, and I was not dressed appropriately, as usual. It was dark, cold, and I was alone. I had plenty of time to think as it was five miles. I realized, I am a monster. I am a horrible person. For years I've been telling myself that as a motivator, but tonight it really struck me. I finally understood what life was meant to be for me. It's my punishment, for existing. Death is an escape, a luxury that I don't deserve. I'm not allowed to kill myself, because it would just prove how much of a miserable failure I was. I need to live so I can keep having good things in my life only to be taken away. I'm not here to be happy, I'm not here to find someone I love. I'm here to be alone, and suffer, and if I try hard enough to do something useful, I'll be rewarded with death in the end. It all makes sense now. I am worthless, I am a monster, I am unfit to be happy. I need to try my best not to be, so I can escape this hell. Life is a burden, death is a gift, one that I am undeserving of. -- Posted by Juicy Juicy Couture at 7:29 pm on Dec. 1, 2008 why are you anon? -- Posted by ScoobyDoo82 at 7:29 pm on Dec. 1, 2008 Oh well that sucks. -- Posted by makingxmexsmile at 7:31 pm on Dec. 1, 2008 I've had moments in my life where I could have quoted you almost word for word. Life  is rough on people of all ages. The hardest part is learning to pick yourself back up and brush yourself off. Hold strong and try to make it through, the period of time when you think like this will end eventually. I'm here to help, PM me if you need to. -- Posted by Antigen at 7:31 pm on Dec. 1, 2008 then we all carry the same burden as you and time will give you your "gift" -- Posted by StorrowDrive at 7:32 pm on Dec. 1, 2008 Hmm.. First snow of the winter ah i see how you made the connection with the weight of the world on your shoulders and all that. Life really sucks when the flowers start to bloom too.