-- Posted by Anonymous at 1:47 pm on Dec. 5, 2008 Okay this is long. Okay I was in a bad place for about a month, I was 'depressed' for the most petty reasons, but failed to explain it to my friends properly as I was using them as an excuse, I didn't understand why I felt like I did and still don't but was constantly coming up with new reasons why that were often hurtful. Wrapped up in this little world of mine, my friends came to a point where they said they'd had enough explaining that I had no right to be 'depressed' and I was extremely selfish, and severed all connection with me. I took this and realised I am selfish, I find it difficult to find the energy to have proper conversation and am obviously most fluent about myself so it becomes what I talk about most, I try to change this when I talk to people now. However, I have to say in my defence, I've always tried to be kind to people and sympathetic. It's beyond my understanding why my friends of nearly 3 years thought the best thing to do would be to simply sever all connection with me after all that time. Without talking to me, they fail to notice whether my behaviour has changed, as I try in conversation, and it knocked me out of my ridiculous excuse for depression. Now I am not so inexplicably emotionally unstable, back then my doctor said I had burnout and my lack of energy meant every little thing made me stupidly sad and ate away at me. But now it's simpl been replaced with an emptiness. I feel so damn lonely all the time. I have friends, but no CLOSE friends, it takes a lot of time to build that bond with people, and with everyone having been in their friendship groups for years at school now, I can't just fit in somewhere else, it took me a year to find this group of friends in the first place...and I don't believe i fit in elsewhere. I hate myself for bringing it upon myself yet don't understand that my well...ex friends, or any friend could do that to someone. I hate the sound of my voice, and hate every time I say 'I' or 'me' as it reminds me how selfish I am. It's why I don't feel I can talk to anyone. I don't want to tell other friends as it all gets gossiped about and don't want to tell this teacher who has the biggest heart and gives the best advice because I don't want to burden him with it and I know I must annoy him, I don't want to appear selfish to anyone anymore, but I miss the closeness of a friendship. I don't know if I could ever find that again with them now. It used to be so easy. But this just turns things upside down it feels...It just feels awful. And I needed to write this to clear my head. Does anyone have any advice? Thanks. They're all on lw so it's likely they'll even recognise that this person is me and message me and say it's my fault all over again. It's not like I don't know. I fucking hate myself. Getting on with life feels like such a farce. -- Posted by Teenie1 at 1:48 pm on Dec. 5, 2008 IM NOT READING THAT! -- Posted by Ad libitum at 1:52 pm on Dec. 5, 2008 Hey, I know exactly how you feel. PM sometime. I WON'T give up on you. -- Posted by sunflower915 at 1:55 pm on Dec. 5, 2008 try apologizing to them its not your fault that you feel that way or that you want there help but it might just have seemed a little overwhelming for them i mean theyre young they want to have fun not sit home and get depressed theres nothing wrong with that but theres also nothing wrong with you wanting to tell them talking about that with people can really just become a touchy subject try apologizing and telling them that youre sorry if you acted selfish and they mean alot to you and maybe try to tone it down how much you talk to them about it it sucks and doesnt seem fair but its wrong to bum them out all the time too im not saying your wrong for saying it iv been on both sides of this and ill tell you from either side its not a fun place to be and if your happy it can be a real downer hearing it all the time even thought im sure your not jsut looking for attention sometimes it can come of that way unintentionally if you need to talk or somehting you can pm me if you want =] -- Posted by Anonymous at 1:58 pm on Dec. 5, 2008 Quote: from sunflower915 at 9:55 pm on Dec. 5, 2008 try apologizing to them its not your fault that you feel that way or that you want there help but it might just have seemed a little overwhelming for them i mean theyre young they want to have fun not sit home and get depressed   theres nothing wrong with that but theres also nothing wrong with you wanting to tell them talking about that with people can really just become a touchy subject try apologizing and telling them that youre sorry if you acted selfish and they mean alot to you and maybe try to tone it down how much you talk to them about it it sucks and doesnt seem fair but its wrong to bum them out all the time too im not saying your wrong for saying it iv been on both sides of this and ill tell you from either side its not a fun place to be and if your happy it can be a real downer hearing it all the time even thought im sure your not jsut looking for attention sometimes it can come of that way unintentionally if you need to talk or somehting you can pm me if you want =] thanks for the advice, one thing though, they didnt say all that because they didnt wanna put up with my 'depression' but because they thought i shouldnt have been like i was, and i agree i shouldnt, they said they had reasons to be upset but id been too selfish to ask. although again in my defence, two mentioned that family members were dying, and i have a good friend who has a bad heart and will die sometime in the future... -- Posted by Anonymous at 2:13 pm on Dec. 5, 2008 Quote: from Teenie1 at 9:48 pm on Dec. 5, 2008 IM NOT READING THAT! Then was there any point in posting that, thats why as a support site livewires gone downhill -- Posted by Crazybutsanegirl at 2:35 pm on Dec. 5, 2008 Quote: from Anonymous at 10:13 pm on Dec. 5, 2008 Quote: from Teenie1 at 9:48 pm on Dec. 5, 2008 IM NOT READING THAT! Then was there any point in posting that, thats why as a support site livewires gone downhill yeh dont be such an arse -- Posted by Crazybutsanegirl at 2:37 pm on Dec. 5, 2008 Voo, we do know its you. we want you to know its not all about the depression, it was more to do with the hurtful things you said to us and about us, you were being incredibly selfish and it realy did get to us. but you do seem really sorry and we all miss you... talk to us about it again?...i think we can sort this out... xx -- Posted by mightyboosher at 2:41 pm on Dec. 5, 2008 Yeah it's pretty obviously you, I was online at the same time. I've spoken to Ellie and Hes and we all miss you, we can sort it out.