-- Posted by noraa at 5:13 pm on Dec. 16, 2008 my best friend has some sort of bladder or kidney infection or something from having sex with her boyfriend. It's serious. according to her friend who knows this stuff, that is. and she needs to go to a gynocologist, and she dones't want to tell ehr mom because her dad will blame her mom for it because he works overseas and he's coming home in two days and she just called me from a payphone and she's throwing up and panicing and sobbing and i don't know what to do she said she'd tell her mom, but her bf's 18 and he could go on trial for this. he could GO ON TRIAL. and this will WRECK her parents relationship but if she doesn't tell she could die and she was saying she was going to kill herself and i think i talked her out of it but   i can't. do. this. oh fuck. no. this cannot be happening. she's 14 he's 18 if anybody told he could go to PRISON. -- Posted by ificanscream at 5:14 pm on Dec. 16, 2008 calm down.youg otta talk to someone older. a doctor perhaps? -- Posted by sub800 at 5:15 pm on Dec. 16, 2008 well that's his fault she could die from that. i mean it's possible. just tell her to tell her parents but don't tell them why simple as that. there are always more than one ways to contract illnesses -- Posted by makingxmexsmile at 5:16 pm on Dec. 16, 2008 Oh fuck. You've got to convince her to talk to her mom. Or, if all else, see if there's a private doctor or the ER or something you can take her to and THEN deal with the issues later. I know that there's a lot going on at the moment with the situation, but you've got to make her understand that she's got to get this taken care of, immediately. Her mother, father, friends, family, and boyfriend will still be there afterwards and maybe this will scare them bad enough to realize they need to lighten up some. -- Posted by EmmitWinchell at 5:16 pm on Dec. 16, 2008 have her go to the doctors and deal with all of the other things when she is healed and better. -- Posted by cherryD at 5:17 pm on Dec. 16, 2008 Look, she has to tell her mom. This is fucked up, but she HAS to tell an adult.  Does she has any close relatives who are willing to help?  SHE IS NOT GOING TO KILL HERSELF. What about her boyfriend? What does her boyfriend say? As for confessing to her mom, I don't know if this works or if this is just plain mean, but if she tells her mom about this, then begs her not to sue her boyfriend or else she would not go for treatment... -- Posted by Just Waiting Here at 12:50 am on Dec. 18, 2008 I'm confused, her friend diagnosed your friend and said that she has a bladder or kidney infection? Hopefully by now she's been to a doctor, but for the most part, if it is a diagnosis not done by a professional, then suddenly jumping to conclusions isn't right.  If she has NOT seen a doctor yet, I don't believe a gynecologist would be the first place to go.  Bladder infections CAN happen without sexual intercourse, and that's a possibility to.  Again, I'm just confused how your friend has a diagnosis and her mother doesn't even know about it... because I would assume by law, her mother would have to be informed because she is a minor. This being said, a doctor is the first place to go.  If she wants to mention sexual activity, she can... however, she may be able to get by without it.  I don't know how serious your friend is... but some bladder infections just go away on their own (though they could be more serious). All in all, she has to tell an adult.  This is the risk she took, and sadly, sometimes things happen and we have to face up to it.  I know how scary it must be for her, my boyfriend was over that age at one point, and we had our own worry at some point.  It's definitely scary, especially with this large an age gap. As for her parents... the one thing you can say to her is that she is never to blame for her parents arguments.  My parents have more or less hated each other all their life, and I've always been worried about making it worse.  If I did something wrong, it was because of the ~other~ parent.  We ALL make mistakes, we're all our own people... and if her parents have troubles with one another, then that's something between her parents.  Of course, she's an important factor, but she needs to step up and be the one to say something about it. Hopefully it will all work out.  An adult is necessary, there's no way to go around seeing a doctor without an adult.  Her health at this point is more important than anything... in terms of her boyfriend, someone would have to press the charge.  The doctors won't know the age of the person she was with, and as long as her parents don't want to press charges, then things should be fine. Again, hopefully things will work out, but most importantly, trying to keep as clear a head as possible (yes, I realize that's difficult) is most important.  Hopefully by now she has talked to someone, and gotten a proper diagnosis and treatment). -- Posted by KathyN at 2:28 pm on Dec. 18, 2008 Go with her to a doctor. Say that it was her ex who is 15 and they are in fight or something... I don't think her parents nust come with her to the doctor... like, I mean the doctor would see her anyway, right? -- Posted by TheatreMinelli at 4:29 am on Dec. 19, 2008 She can have a kidney infection without having had sex, my little sister had one when she was 4 or 5. There is no need to tell her mother that it was sex related. Now I'm not advocating lying to a parent but if its the only way to get her to a doctors. -- Posted by noraa at 4:40 am on Dec. 19, 2008 Guys, this is fixed and done with. Thanks.