-- Posted by Liontiger at 8:19 pm on Dec. 16, 2008 I wrote this firsthand (with my goals in there and my previous weights, but not my weight right now) and I happen to be anorexic. BUT I DO NOT WANT ANY 'Get help" comments. I'm looking for anyone anorexic/bulimic or someone who HAS BEEN either to comment on it in an honest manner.  Thanks everyone :) Here you are, at the scale again. It's probably the fifth time today, and it's only seven. You haven't touched a morsel of food and you're so proud.   You tremble as you step onto the scale, pleading with it to say you've lost weight. You were 106 this morning. You want to be thin..and 106 isn't good enough. Your heart thuds in your chest as you look down. It reads, in it's computer script, 104. Two pounds. You can't help but grin and walk to your mirror. You examine your curves and bones. They're absolutely beautiful. You stare in awe at your ribs, perfectly formed bones of beauty. You look to your hip bones, jutting out and seeming to be smiling at you. They're proud,too. But you notice it all to quickly and it kills your pride. Your stomach isn't quite flat and your thighs are taking over the world. You turn away from the mirror, eyes damp with tears. Why can't you be quite good enough yet? You're five foot two and 104 pounds. You check your BMI and read it slowly; 19 Normal. You won't be underweight and beautiful until you hit 100. Then your BMI will read 18.3. Even then, you're not quite good. 90 pounds is your goal, a BMI of 16.5.. You grumble and slide into a pair of baggy pajama pants. None of your other pants fit anymore, which is good because they're all too big now..but it's not quite good enough. You used to be 135 pounds with a BMI of 24.7 but you brought it to 128 in october, which has a BMI of 23.4.. Then, in just two months, dropped it to 19. Dropped 24 pounds. Starved and even,sometimes, purged. You've been trying to avoid binges, taking diet pills and laxitives...practically crying yourself to sleep. Nobody seems to understand why you need to be perfect. Nobody seems to know why bones are so beautiful. Why you don't need to eat and you only eat to live, not live only to eat. But why...why can't you be perfect? Why can't you be happy with your body? You don't really know..but then again, you don't want to know,either. -- Posted by Kamalli at 8:22 pm on Dec. 16, 2008 I get it, I was bulimic for about 4 months until I realized my immune system was so low that I was getting sick constantly, so I had to go through counciling to fix all my problems. And we eventually found out that half of it is just my body rejecting food for whatev reason. I do wish i was skinnier, but I'm staying chubby and slowly losing weight..and I like it. -- Posted by HuffleHaire at 8:31 pm on Dec. 16, 2008 I purge sometimes. It's been off an on lately. I think your description of the whole thing is pretty accurate. Although I've never thought of it as being "perfect," just pretty. -- Posted by oliveohm at 8:32 pm on Dec. 16, 2008 seems like something a lot of girls can relate to. the repetition of weights and BMIs reflects the obsessive thoughts that pop into your head over and over again... somehow numbers have become such a moral issue. 90 is good. 130 is bad, disgusting, repulsive... anyway. yeah, it seems to reflect the emotions well. -- Posted by Liontiger at 8:53 pm on Dec. 16, 2008 Quote: from oliveohm at 11:32 pm on Dec. 16, 2008 seems like something a lot of girls can relate to. the repetition of weights and BMIs reflects the obsessive thoughts that pop into your head over and over again... somehow numbers have become such a moral issue. 90 is good. 130 is bad, disgusting, repulsive... anyway. yeah, it seems to reflect the emotions well. Yeah, I have OCD 'tendencies' (not diagnosed yet, but being monitored)