-- Posted by Anonymous at 12:20 pm on Dec. 23, 2008 How did you deal with it? My dad passed away 4 months ago. And I haven't talked to him since June. So he died while we, or should I say I , wasn't talking to him. I've left a post like this a couple of months ago, didn't get that much help. I just don't know how to deal with this guilt. I know it's not my fault, but I feel like it is my fault that he died. I've drifted from all my friends, trying to keep this to myself and it's making me physically sick. And I just don't know how to tell my mom that I'm really depressed. I'll just break down in the middle of class, or the store, or sometimes I even wake up in the middle of the night, crying. I really can't take it. I keep having this dream, where it's my dad and me driving around. I can see his lips moving, but no sounds comes out. The smallest thing triggers these 'outbreaks' and I don't know why. Like certain songs, movies, or even when I hear my friends talking about there dads, it feels like I'm being stabbed. I geuss what I'm trying to say is I feel like I have no one left. -- Posted by feels good at 12:22 pm on Dec. 23, 2008 well theres not very much you can do -- Posted by Fearfulteen at 12:23 pm on Dec. 23, 2008 i do the samething cause my granny died ppl think i'm crazy -- Posted by heather morghan at 12:23 pm on Dec. 23, 2008 My mom walked out on my family when I was little, and then she came back into our life when I was like, 8 or 9. Buuut, It  was really hard. Even though I was young, I understood what was going on. I know it isnt the same as a parent dying, but it's similar. I didnt have her for 6-7 years:/ I know it feels heartbreaking, but tell your mom about it. See a physologist and get everything worked out. It will be a longtime, even lifetime battle for you:/ I wish you the best of luck. -- Posted by Presario at 12:24 pm on Dec. 23, 2008 You always have friends, family and even co-workers or classmates that are there for you. I haven't lost a loved one while in that situation, however, my step-dad (Which I thought was my real dad until I was told otherwise by my mom) kicked me out when I was about 10-11, now I'm 15 and finding out a bunch of hard stuff and he's in Jail. I thought he was my real father, I loved him, he was a father figure to me... Even though he's in Jail, I still love him and we weren't talking and now I miss him and for about 3 Weeks straight I went through what you went through (Yeah, I'm a guy and I cry). Best way to look at it: He loves you, you love him, you were in a simple arguement and it was just a little bit of anger or frustration of emotions running through both your minds, whatever the case, pray at night and try and "reach out" to your dad... Slowly but surely you'll get signs and signals that he's getting those short messages and forgiving you. You'll be happier if you talk to people too, depression can lead to other things and can really mess up yourself and your life so don't wait too long. If you need anything, feel free to message me. -- Posted by pujolsfan at 12:25 pm on Dec. 23, 2008 I know it sucks.  There is not really a lot you can do about it though.  You need to accept the fact that it wasn't your fault and need to be open to talk about it.  Any of your family would be more than willing to talk about it with you.  Over time you are going to heal and there will basically be no more tears left to cry.  Until then, you are just going to have to tough it out.  I know its hard, but you are always going to miss your father, you just need to learn to be open about your feelings. -- Posted by Gods Child123 at 12:26 pm on Dec. 23, 2008 i cant diagnose you because im not a doctor. but what i can do is give you support! deep down you realize that you should have talked to your dad insted of not talking to him! Just let that go and morn his death your still stuck on not talking to him. You can talk to him he just wont be there to respond to you. Trust me you will get through this! if you need some one to talk to call me! -- Posted by robdude at 12:44 pm on Dec. 23, 2008 Remember the good times, he wouldn't want it any other way! -- Posted by Anonymous at 12:46 pm on Dec. 23, 2008 Quote: from feels good at 3:22 pm on Dec. 23, 2008 well theres not very much you can do That was so fucking helpful. Go get your points somewhere else. -- Posted by LoveKay at 3:05 pm on Dec. 23, 2008 You put it very well because I can relate to how you feel. My grandfather died in 2002 and I hadn't even seen him in like a year, and hadn't talked to him much because we were seperated by different countries. I just burst out crying out of nowhere and it was always so intense. It took me a long time to stop crying and deal with it a little better. I think it just takes time to heal these kinds of wounds. when somebody dies, it's normal for us to feel guilt. We always feel guilt someway or another when somebody close to us passes away. I dont know what to tell you, but it will pass. You just have to know you two loved each other and it's okay.