-- Posted by copynpaste at 9:48 am on Dec. 27, 2008 I am just confused and want to know what this is.  I want to know if I should try and prevent it from happening if it comes up again, and how to get him to make sure he listens. PLEASE READ To give some background:  I stayed at my boyfriend's one weekend and on the last day, we didn't have sex.  I wanted to have, but he didn't, so we didn't. Today:  We just got back from my family Christmas this morning, and his family Christmas at his aunt's.  Now, we're at his house, tired, and just wanting to go to sleep. However, he's horny.  I'm really not in the mood for it at all, so he asks me to give him a handjob, and I'm just like, Okay.  So I do that, but then, he wants more and is like "I just won't be able to go to sleep with a boner, it'll bother me."  But I just wanted to go to sleep because I was tired, AND that area has been a bit irritated for the past couple days and I didn't want it messed with.  But, he wouldn't give up, even though I kept telling him "No, I don't really want to." After a couple minutes though he's just like "You can just lay there and not do anything.  Come on."  Now, at this point I could have taken more control and just got out of his bed and walked out of his room and that would have been the end of it.  However, I just lay there and let him take my pants off. So, we then proceed to have sex.  I'm not really giving any input, adjusting when he asks so he doesn't fall off the bed or anything.  I stay quiet though while he's going at it missionary style.  The whole time he is though, it's just irritating my bladder to no end.  I wanted him to stop, but I felt he'd be upset if I did, so instead I made him change positions, so now we're doing doggy. In that position he's talking dirty to me, pulling my hair, and hitting my butt a bit.  I wasn't exactly sure how to take it.  He we were, I didn't really want it in the first place, and he's getting way into it, even though I'm really not doing or saying anything back.  At one point though he did sincerely ask if I wanted him to stop, but again, I didn't stop him.  Instead, I told him to just keep going.  He sort of laughed a bit at that because he thought I was really getting into it. Then, he finally finished, and for some reason, the second I got up I just started to break.  He noticed my eyes were tearing, even in the dark, and then he felt bad for what just happened.  Saying something like "I just raped my girlfriend."  And again, I jumped to make him feel better.  I reminded him about the moment mentioned previously and played it off as it's not fair that we always get to do it when he's horny, even if I don't start off that way, but when I am and he's not, then it's not going to happen.  And I made little jokes about the sex we just had to make him feel better. Afterward I went downstairs to use the bathroom, and when I came back he was already asleep, and I just layed there and cried a bit myself before I fell asleep. I just, I don't know how to feel about this.  I DID say no, but at the same time, I never took the initiative to walk out before it happened.  I didn't take the opportunity to tell him to stop when the irritation got a bit overwhelming and I told him to change position, nor did I tell him to stop when he asked me if I wanted him to.  Then afterward, I did what I could to make sure he didn't feel bad about it. But, at the same time, I said no, and he pushed his way to get what he wanted.  Then, when he said "You could just lay there" I felt as if I was of no importance to him at that moment, just a body to fuck.  And afterward, I felt a bit upset at myself for not pushing harder for my opinion. I don't know.  The thing is, by now, I'm kind of already over it, and I haven't talked to him about it.  When he has asked me since then if I'm okay, I just say yeah, and cover it up with my most believable fake smile and tone.  He'll probably never know how much this really bothered me today, and a part of me is okay with that.  Another part fears though, that this will happen again, and if it does I'll have to draw the line, and make sure he sticks to it. I really don't know why I typed all of this.  Most you all will say is "Talk to him about it" or possibly even "break up with him."  Those things though, I can gaurantee you probably won't happen.  I'm just confused though as to what happened today.  Was it, or was it not?  Because I said no, but everything else was against that it seemed. I just, I don't know how to feel about this.  Like I said, mostly, I feel like I'm already over it...MOSTLY. -- Posted by samantha89 at 9:52 am on Dec. 27, 2008 That's not rape, you allowed him to. You didn't put up a fight, you didn't resist, he asked you if you wanted to him to stop and you didn't say anything because you wanted him to be happy. Its not rape. Rape is when someone has sex with you forcefully and against your will and no matter how bad you want or try to get them to stop they just won't. Im sure if you would have screamed at him to stop he would have. -- Posted by ElephantStone at 9:52 am on Dec. 27, 2008 Firstly I can relate with your bf. I think guys get A LOT hornier than girls, and it can be quite overwhelming and tbh you stop thinking about feelings as much when youre horny, so when he said you could just lay there, he didt mean it in a bad way. I think you have turned this into a bigger deal than it is and shouldnt worry so much. Perhaps next time you should be more strong willed and say later or in the morning, and roll over. -- Posted by MR UNKNOWN at 9:57 am on Dec. 27, 2008 maybe subconsciously you just didn't want to disappoint him. I'm sure writing this all out helped also. I say, if your not going to talk to him about it, your next best option is to just forget about it completely, just look at it as a joke. There's no reason to dwell on the past -- Posted by SavannahNoel at 9:58 am on Dec. 27, 2008 Yeah, It's not rape if you told him to keep going. I'm sure he would have stopped if you were more stern about what you wanted. He didn't force you to. A lot of guys try to talk girls into it, but if the girl doesn't SAY something they'll just keep going til they get their way. -- Posted by Sachacohen2 at 10:00 am on Dec. 27, 2008 Its definitely not rape thats for sure, cause you say 'At one point though he did sincerely ask if I wanted him to stop' , its your own fault you gave in, and he thought that meant you were OK with it. Next time firmly put your foot down and say no, whether that leaves him happy or not. Next time keep saying no, when he asked you half way through if you were ok with it, why the hell didnt u say no? if you felt you were being used or something. Get some confident, and tell him straight NO, and for him not to ask you again. -- Posted by Dass at 10:03 am on Dec. 27, 2008 well it is your responsibility to let him know how you feel you know... just explain to him WHY you're not in the mood and im sure he'll understand i mean otherwise how can you expect any empathy the biggest problems in a relationship always come from lack of communication -- Posted by SplitPersonality at 7:38 am on Jan. 7, 2009 You have the right to tell him you don't want to have sex. You can't just have sex with him just because he wants to. So pretty much in a way, he DID rape you. You told him "NO." NO means NO. Now that he gets his rocks off, he feels better afterwards and THEN finally realizes that he shouldn't have done anything when you said "No" in the first place. In other words. You don't need a guy like this. *** *** FUCK YOU, MAN. YOU THINK YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TLAKING ABOUT BUT YOU DON'T. DON'T EVEN TRY GIVING ADVICE TO OTHERS FROM THIS POINT ON. YOU'RE A PIECE OF SHIT. -- Posted by 000000 at 4:17 pm on Jan. 7, 2009 It doesn't matter "was it, or was it not" unless you're going to press charges, and anyways in that case the judge would decide, not us. Your boyfriend is selfish and disrespectful and you are unassertive. Both of you should fix that, because both of you contributed to your unhappiness. -- Posted by alicerevisited at 1:05 am on Jan. 8, 2009 Technically, like they said, it isn't rape. You were pressured into it, but you, from what it sounds like, willingly had sex with him. You should talk to him. You really don't want to make this a common occurrence... This also seems to reflect a bigger problem in the relationship. The behavior you described seems very insensitive. You have the right to not want sex, and your significant other should respect that no matter how horny they are. I'm sure he makes good use of his hand when you are not present, he can do that if he honestly can not deal with not orgasming. Also, how did he not cum from the handjob? -- Posted by III888 at 12:56 am on Jan. 14, 2009 Now that is a lot of brass air fittings there is just about every type of air fitting that you could want. Wholesale prices too. I guess these could be used as small water pipe fitting also. I used some of the parts to make my babington wvo bu -- Posted by DJAP101 at 11:34 am on Jan. 14, 2009 i think you probably did not stop him because he made you feel a guilty for him being aroused, and  many girls ususally just dont want to dissapoint their boyfriend....but every relationship is different , maybe u should not bring it up now cuz like u said ur basically over it, but if it happens again....either go hard and say u dont feel like it or  fake like ur sleep and sick! -- Posted by TheatreScreamer at 12:59 am on Jan. 16, 2009 It definitely wasn't rape... but he was definitely using you.  I'm not saying he's just using you for sex, but he definitely was horny enough at the time to not even take your own thoughts into account.  Clearly he felt bad about it afterwards though, so he clearly isn't always just using you for sex.   I agree that you are right to let it go now.  But you do need to be a little more assertive in the future.  Don't feel like you are letting him down by refusing to have sex with him for one day.  You got over it when he didn't have sex with you.  Don't think he's any different. I definitely agree that if you give him a boner, you need to finish the job, otherwise that's just mean.  But if you do get yourself into that situation where you just feel too uncomfortable down there, don't ever forget the power of a blow job.