-- Posted by isaidright left at 9:11 am on Jan. 1, 2009 about a year ago i was dating an amazing girl at work, to spare you the whole story i love her. i know this may not sound like that big of a deal to most of you but she is my first. im 24 and she is my first love. most people have a first love when they were a kid but i guess when you loose you virginity at 13 to a 17 yearold who lost a bet it kind of warps your idea of love. since then i have more or less just jumped from girl to girl. not in a disrespectful way (well a couple but i was young and stupid). But this girl is my first love, but she does not have the same feelings for me and we stopped dating. she really wants to be friends (and i do too) but its not easy for me. its been about 4 monts now and ive decided amonth ago to just 'ignore' her. we work in a huge complex so physicaly its not too hard, i just stay in my office and say im too busy to do lunch. But she just keeps emailing, text and calling, i really want to be herfriend but i dont think i can do it right now. she is the first girl i know i could say "i love you" to and mean it, i want to tell her i love her but at this point i dont know if it will help and it may make matters worse. but i think even without saying it she should already know how i feel i realize that this is really more of a descripiton of how shitty my otherwise very good life is but friens have not been able to help. ive tried dating other women but they all fall terribly short.   the last thing i want to do is hurt her but im just desperate for something to make me not think of her in that way   -- Posted by Natsy at 9:20 am on Jan. 1, 2009 tell her that you can't be friends with her... -- Posted by gman101 at 9:33 am on Jan. 1, 2009 tell her the truth. -- Posted by QisQ at 3:35 pm on Jan. 1, 2009 ^^^Umm yea what you just told us, tell her. She should be able to understand. -- Posted by definite124 at 10:11 pm on Jan. 1, 2009 tell her u can't be friends with her it hurts u....either she'll patch up OR she''ll give u a few months to get over her before u can kick of ur friendship -- Posted by isaidright left at 6:55 am on Jan. 2, 2009 i guess not matter what im not going to like the outcome -- Posted by chikichicky at 10:19 am on Jan. 3, 2009 Do you have any idea why she doesn't have the same feelings for you? If you don't know it the answer, it might help you get over her. At least you'd have an understanding as to why it didn't work out. You should let her know that you still have strong feelings for her (leave out the L word) and it's difficult to get over her if you keep in constant contact with her. If her feelings towards you don't change after you've told her that, then tell her you'd appreciate it if she gave you some space and perhaps attempt the friendship later down the road. You can't change how others feeling about you. Although you can definitely influence the way people feel towards you. Maybe she hasn't gotten to know you well enough to truly appreciate your personality and failed to see it with just a few dates. Maybe there's something that's holding her back from going out with you. There's a list of questions with no answers. One way to resolve this is to actually have a good talk with her directly. If she cares enough about you to still want to be friends with you, I doubt she will object. It'll be a lot easier to cope with when you're less confused. -- Posted by isaidright left at 10:43 am on Jan. 3, 2009 no we have already had that talk, it did not make it any easier since part of me thinks she is not being completly honest, its not like i dont know the signs on interst. she still flirts with me everytime we are together. ive talked to her about it and she it seems like she has tried to calm it down but she inevitebly will start to flirt. i thought i may have been just seeing these signs because i wanted to but talking to my friends and co-workers its unansmous that she is flirting. and like my one firend said to me the a while ago she only does it with me. part of me is upset because i feel like she just need to make up her mind. -- Posted by chikichicky at 10:10 pm on Jan. 4, 2009 Either that or she's purposely trying to string you along. If she is, you're better off not playing her game. Doing so might actually get her to make up her mind.