-- Posted by Uptown Swag at 7:03 pm on Jan. 2, 2009 I've no reason to truly be angry at anything. Or...so I think. All my life I have been seen as weak, or nothing special. In school I was bullied, but not anymore since like 6th grade. I'm  But now I'm stronger, but still afraid of a lot of stuff. I'm bad with girls, and I feel like I will be alone forever. Sometimes I'm really sad. I can cry because of how ugly and disgusting I am. My religion doesnt seem to help me much. I'd go to therapy, but I can't, I'd be a freak. I dont need anything to really complicate my life anymore right now. Feelings from the past WAY PAST, from like when my parents divorced are coming back. Nothing is happening in my life yet all these thoughts that I can't express seems to complicate it all. Sorry im new here if I am doing this wrong. I just want it all to go away. I want to hurt things. Pain and destruction are things that truly make me happy and make me feel alive. Sometimes I want revenge...but on the wrong people. I want to create chaos and confusion in my school. They all need to see that life isnt as great as they think it is. Idk...I feel invisible too. I want to hurt. I need to hurt. But I dont want to. Help? -- Posted by lestat1990 at 7:10 pm on Jan. 2, 2009 its not that you want revenge on the wrong people its just you take things out on the people you trust most because you believe they will still be there after. and why is being emotional or confused make you a freak? it doesn't and i wouldn't call you that. its not the pain or destruction that you enjoy. its the small amount of control you get from it. but you don't have control when you have to do things you dont want to do to feel any enjoyment. message me if you want to talk more -- Posted by Everlongx at 7:11 pm on Jan. 2, 2009 Getting help won't make you a freak. Just remember that nothing is permanent and that as much as you may hate these people for living on cloud 9, it's not their fault that you aren't. Things will change eventually, i promise. Just be patient. Plus, I actually count myself lucky that my life hasn't been smooth sailing. I wouldn't be able to stand myself if life went my way all the time. If you need to talk more, PM me. I'll be glad to help.