-- Posted by tragic romance at 7:12 pm on Jan. 2, 2009 Too miserible to breathe. THIS is futile. I don't know what I want, only what i want for other people. Everytime I reach out for help my friends tell me I need professional help and they start to become VERY distant. It pisses me off and hurts at the moment but then I realize, they're better off without me, and they're right. My dad would never let me see a therapist and my mom keeps telling me she will find me one, but like everything else she says, they're just empty promises. I've awful scars all over my knee. I've been trying desperately to quit cutting and I can't. Anymore I don't care. I don't do it to release depression, I just do it because I like the feeling. I don't know what to do!!!! Everything I think is of suicide and death. all of my writing is sick and morbid. -- Posted by SpM at 7:13 pm on Jan. 2, 2009 I doubt your friends are meaning to isolate you. They're probably avoiding the topic because they don't know how to deal with it, and they're scared of what you might do to yourself. -- Posted by xXAngelofMusicXx at 7:15 pm on Jan. 2, 2009 'I don't know what I want, only what i want for other people.' This (and the distant friends thing which ive experienced) is the only reason i could find that you would think of suicide so much, can you go into why you feel like this more so we can help you better? -- Posted by tragic romance at 7:19 pm on Jan. 2, 2009 Quote: from xXAngelofMusicXx at 7:15 pm on Jan. 2, 2009 'I don't know what I want, only what i want for other people.' This (and the distant friends thing which ive experienced) is the only reason i could find that you would think of suicide so much, can you go into why you feel like this more so we can help you better? All I want is for the people I care for most to be happy. I want their happiness and nothing more. I don't care for my own happiness or my own life at all. I would do absolutely anything to make them happy because I hold no value on my own life, and too much value on theirs. This is only true for four people in my life. -- Posted by xXAngelofMusicXx at 7:26 pm on Jan. 2, 2009 Quote: from tragic romance at 3:19 am on Jan. 3, 2009 Quote: from xXAngelofMusicXx at 7:15 pm on Jan. 2, 2009 'I don't know what I want, only what i want for other people.' This (and the distant friends thing which ive experienced) is the only reason i could find that you would think of suicide so much, can you go into why you feel like this more so we can help you better? All I want is for the people I care for most to be happy. I want their happiness and nothing more. I don't care for my own happiness or my own life at all. I would do absolutely anything to make them happy because I hold no value on my own life, and too much value on theirs. This is only true for four people in my life. Yet in what ive experienced, what you're actually doing may be hurting them, when i needed help from my friends and felt isolated they became distant because they thought i was selfish. they said i didnt care about their problems when i hid mine from them like they hid theirs. what exactly do you do to ensure their happiness? and why is it you reach out for help from your friends? -- Posted by tragic romance at 7:36 pm on Jan. 2, 2009 Quote: from xXAngelofMusicXx at 7:26 pm on Jan. 2, 2009 Quote: from tragic romance at 3:19 am on Jan. 3, 2009 Quote: from xXAngelofMusicXx at 7:15 pm on Jan. 2, 2009 'I don't know what I want, only what i want for other people.' This (and the distant friends thing which ive experienced) is the only reason i could find that you would think of suicide so much, can you go into why you feel like this more so we can help you better?    All I want is for the people I care for most to be happy. I want their happiness and nothing more. I don't care for my own happiness or my own life at all. I would do absolutely anything to make them happy because I hold no value on my own life, and too much value on theirs. This is only true for four people in my life. Yet in what ive experienced, what you're actually doing may be hurting them, when i needed help from my friends and felt isolated they became distant because they thought i was selfish. they said i didnt care about their problems when i hid mine from them like they hid theirs. what exactly do you do to ensure their happiness? and why is it you reach out for help from your friends? All I'm doing is reaching out. I trust them, and so I turn to them, which is when they turn away. I've been burned countless times by the people I love most, but I'm here for them. My greatest hurt is still for the loss of my ex, but the only thing i wanted more than her was her happiness, and i knew she would be happier without me. My life is rather uneventful. I dont do anything anymore, breathe and hurt. -- Posted by xXAngelofMusicXx at 7:41 pm on Jan. 2, 2009 I know you have a bigg, good heart, but you should learn from your ex, and from the hurt your friends are causing you that you shouldn't rely on people for all your happiness. It's not who you are but you need to learn that. I'm sorry for your troubles, but don't dwell on them, if you're friends don't want to hear about your problems, take a different approach to them - go out and enjoy life with your friends.