-- Posted by sadnlonely at 10:33 pm on Jan. 2, 2009 im so pissed at the world. and depressed to a point where i just want to sleep forever. i dont even know why. my friends refuse to leave my side although i know that im slowly alienating myself from them. im jealous that they are becoming so close and i know they would deny their closeness because it would offend me. i have no friends. i dont get it. i used to be so happy and wayyy skinny back then. 90 something lbs and 5 feet. i ate the world but never threw up on purpose or starved myself. i had tons of friends and was loud and outgoing. always smiling. now im 5 feet. 145 lbs! and only 2 yrs have passed. am i sad because of all the meds im stuck on for being 'bipolar mania' or because i gained weight because of the meds? everyone tells me its because im older and my metabolism has changed.. but i dont believe it? idk. how come i only gained weight AFTER the meds if it was JUST my metabolism? im just SOO frustrated! *sigh* to make it worse... ive shoved my past deep into my mind so i dont have to think about it any more. is it worse that my dad semi-sexually abused me or that no one believes me? i cant even think straight!!! ive been quiet for so long that now im spewing all this random stuff. i especially dont want to talk to my friends about my depression because... i think they already know.. what with my no longer laughing at the usual jokes, hanging out 24/7, being skinny anymore. its ridiculous to think they just like me for my weight but idk..... help?? -- Posted by Joke at 10:33 pm on Jan. 2, 2009 omg ur sad and lonely? what a ka wink e dink. -- Posted by TheFuzz1 at 10:34 pm on Jan. 2, 2009 oh guys. Dont be sad. :( Fuzzy loves you :) -- Posted by fbOger at 10:34 pm on Jan. 2, 2009 I sowwy -- Posted by sadnlonely at 10:40 pm on Jan. 2, 2009 it doesnt help that all my therapists... 3 of them.. have managed to tell everyone my issues.. which they arent even allowed to do!