-- Posted by tenchi1084 at 1:23 am on July 11, 2009 My fantasies have gone too far, and I am left paying for my indulgences.  What I wished would be returned, I've wasted on someone undeserving.  Worst of all, there seems to be no elixir or cure for a broken heart.  Music is a bandage, and writing is pain relief...but never could it replace the pieces that have fallen into the darkness of despair.   Will "He" be after him?  Or should I just give up?  I ask myself these things time and time again.  It's hard to believe that he wasn't "The One".  I just lay here, completely spent and worn.  Hawaii was nice, and I hope to return to finish a masters in music.  As I say now, "Hawaii or Bust".   However, part of the reason, however small it may have been...it still was lingering on the list of minor reasons: To get away from these too painful memories.  I left arkansas for that very reason, and I found the miracle of music, the door which opened in all it's glory.  I now have to take another step, and step into the room.  It seems a door opens to my future, whenever my world becomes to painful to bear.   But there is a price.  Even though I'd have made many lifelong friends, there is a risk I may never return once I leave.  So endure the pain which I can never let go, or leave and be able to smile again, for people I have to explain myself to almost daily until they understand me. Either way, though, I'm paying a heavy price, aren't I? I don't have the courage to end it all.  I don't have the courage to stay.  I don't have the will to try for others even less.  Soon, what will be left?  A world that knows me, and a pain I can no longer escape...