-- Posted by jen18 at 5:12 pm on Aug. 8, 2012 I really need help with this. I'm scared, nervous, and freaking out. Background: I recently came out (about 2 months ago), after keeping it a secret for years. I started dating this girl a little over a month ago. She has prior experience, while I have none. We talk about my inexperience sometimes, and how about I'm embarrassed by it. I'm also a very shy, very quiet person, so I'm not one who voices my concerns and thoughts. Situation: My girlfriend and I do some sexual stuff, but have never gone all the way. She has hinted at it a couple of times, and has even tried to go for it (Me stopping her by bringing my knee up). Last night was more intense though. She did her usual feel up while we were making out, but then it got more serious. She started rubbing me on the outside of my jeans while doing her usual routine, which didn't bother me. Towards the end of her routine she starting moving down to my belly, which isn't usual because she has tried before. This time though instead of slowly moving her hand down my pants and me stopping her before getting too far. She quickly went to unbuttoning my pants. And I'll admit I had a fleeting thought to just let her have her way, but after that thought I put my knee to give her the hint that I wasn't ready, and it took her a second or two to catch it, but stopped right away and didn't try again. Question(s): I'm wondering if I should just let her have her way, and just swallow my fears.? I'm wondering if we do go for it, what do I do.? I'm also wondering, if we do start for it and I start to be uncomfortable, how do I tell her that without offending her? I personally don't think I'll be able to tell her to stop if she doesn't catch nonverbal hints.? Any advice or tips you give will be gladly accepted. I'm extremely nervous and really embarrassed about this, but I need help. -- Posted by Steve4610 at 5:16 pm on Aug. 8, 2012 My advice would be to relax, and go with things. If you over think it, and are too nervous, it's never going to happen. Let her do her thing, don't be embarrased. And then, let her teach you, if she knows you haven't done this before then she'll be fine with it. Honestly, sometimes finding a partner with no experience can be awesome, because you can tell them exactly what you like ;) -- Posted by bigdutchman at 5:20 pm on Aug. 8, 2012 It's sex. It's fun, makes you feel good, and isn't gonna kill you. Just go with it. If stuff gets really uncomfortable at a certain point just let her know, but otherwise I don't see any reason not too. -- Posted by Jaguar at 5:37 pm on Aug. 8, 2012 I don't think it will hurt anything just to let her. -- Posted by jen18 at 5:39 pm on Aug. 8, 2012 Quote: from Steve4610 at 5:16 pm on Aug. 8, 2012 My advice would be to relax, and go with things. If you over think it, and are too nervous, it's never going to happen. Let her do her thing, don't be embarrased. And then, let her teach you, if she knows you haven't done this before then she'll be fine with it. Honestly, sometimes finding a partner with no experience can be awesome, because you can tell them exactly what you like ;) How can I get myself to relax when I'm in that situation? How do I let my fears go away? -- Posted by MooMooMilk at 5:45 pm on Aug. 8, 2012 Um.. So I'm assuming you are also a girl. By going all the way, are you referring to scissoring? Or..? -- Posted by jen18 at 6:02 pm on Aug. 8, 2012 Quote: from Moomoomilk at 5:45 pm on Aug. 8, 2012 Um.. So I'm assuming you are also a girl. By going all the way, are you referring to scissoring? Or..? By going on the way I am referring to us going down on each other. -- Posted by Jaguar at 6:18 pm on Aug. 8, 2012 Quote: from jen18 at 5:39 pm on Aug. 8, 2012 Quote: from Steve4610 at 5:16 pm on Aug. 8, 2012 My advice would be to relax, and go with things.    If you over think it, and are too nervous, it's never going to happen. Let her do her thing, don't be embarrased. And then, let her teach you, if she knows you haven't done this before then she'll be fine with it. Honestly, sometimes finding a partner with no experience can be awesome, because you can tell them exactly what you like ;) How can I get myself to relax when I'm in that situation? How do I let my fears go away? You always have fears. All of life is a risk. At least you're with someone who cares about you and doesn't want to hurt you. -- Posted by jen18 at 6:31 pm on Aug. 8, 2012 Quote: from Jaguar at 6:18 pm on Aug. 8, 2012 You always have fears. All of life is a risk. At least you're with someone who cares about you and doesn't want to hurt you. Okay. I have a problem with my fears getting in the way. How can I step over that problem? -- Posted by doozerlistens at 6:47 pm on Aug. 8, 2012 I think that if you are nervious about it then don't do it.  You have all the time in the world so there is no reason to rush.  You don't want to regret doing it too fast.   If you were going to go for it my suggestion is to just lay back and close your eyes and tell her to go further but take things very slowly so you can stop her whenever you want.  If it's less embarising get her to start on your breasts first and see if you can get used to that and get lost in that pleasure first. She won't get embarest or mad if you ask her to stop, you will give her fair warning.  Feel free to message me if you want to talk more. -- Posted by jen18 at 7:22 pm on Aug. 8, 2012 Quote: from doozerlistens at 6:47 pm on Aug. 8, 2012 I think that if you are nervious about it then don't do it. You have all the time in the world so there is no reason to rush. You don't want to regret doing it too fast. If you were going to go for it my suggestion is to just lay back and close your eyes and tell her to go further but take things very slowly so you can stop her whenever you want. If it's less embarising get her to start on your breasts first and see if you can get used to that and get lost in that pleasure first. She won't get embarest or mad if you ask her to stop, you will give her fair warning. Feel free to message me if you want to talk more. I messaged you. I dont know if it went through. -- Posted by Jaguar at 7:31 pm on Aug. 8, 2012 Quote: from jen18 at 6:31 pm on Aug. 8, 2012 Quote: from Jaguar at 6:18 pm on Aug. 8, 2012 You always have fears. All of life is a risk. At least you're with someone who cares about you and doesn't want to hurt you. Okay. I have a problem with my fears getting in the way. How can I step over that problem? It's a matter of trusting someone. Yes, trusting someone is a risk also, but you never gain the reward of a relationship with someone if you never take the risk. What's the worst that can happen? You don't enjoy it. You can live with that while you work on what went wrong and try to fix it. -- Posted by jen18 at 7:39 pm on Aug. 8, 2012 Quote: from Jaguar at 7:31 pm on Aug. 8, 2012 It's a matter of trusting someone. Yes, trusting someone is a risk also, but you never gain the reward of a relationship with someone if you never take the risk. What's the worst that can happen? You don't enjoy it. You can live with that while you work on what went wrong and try to fix it. Thank you. You have helped a lot. -- Posted by Steve4610 at 1:52 am on Aug. 9, 2012 Quote: from jen18 at 5:39 pm on Aug. 8, 2012 Quote: from Steve4610 at 5:16 pm on Aug. 8, 2012 My advice would be to relax, and go with things.    If you over think it, and are too nervous, it's never going to happen. Let her do her thing, don't be embarrased. And then, let her teach you, if she knows you haven't done this before then she'll be fine with it. Honestly, sometimes finding a partner with no experience can be awesome, because you can tell them exactly what you like ;) How can I get myself to relax when I'm in that situation? How do I let my fears go away? Can't say I've ever had such a problem to be honest, so I'm not sure what advice I can give. Surely if you want it to happen, that will overcome it? -- Posted by MooMooMilk at 3:33 pm on Aug. 9, 2012 Quote: from jen18 at 6:02 pm on Aug. 8, 2012 Quote: from Moomoomilk at 5:45 pm on Aug. 8, 2012 Um.. So I'm assuming you are also a girl. By going all the way, are you referring to scissoring? Or..? By going on the way I am referring to us going down on each other. Oh well that's not technically "all the way". All the way typically connotates the most intimate two people can possible be according to their anatomy. Anal for a gay couple, scissoring or double-ended dildo with a lesbian couple, or regular vaginal intercourse for a heterosexual couple.