-- Posted by ricerice at 12:21 pm on Mar. 27, 2006 I guess its time for me to let  out some things, and it seems this is the place to do it. ive got alot on my mind so im going to spilt up into a few posts in the next few days. alright, first of all. i cant see my future. i ususalyl project what i can do, and how well i can do it. now, im a mess because i dont know where im going. so i finish school, fine. its going to be tough, but im pretty sure i can handle that. ive got alot of health problems. and i refuse to let them get in the way of my daily life. recently my health is acting up and its difficult to go to school everyday. when i really think about it, if i cant operate going to school, then how am i supposed to be able to hold a job down? its not just the job. i cant even see myself getting married, or having children. unless theres a cure, i cant possibly put the commitment into those things. its not that i dont want to commit, but my body wont allow me to. i just dont know what to do. my ultimate goal in life is to raise a child better than my parents raised me. im afraid that if i do get a child, that he or she will turn out just like me and i dont want that to happen. my condition is said to be inherited, i cant possibly place that burden on my child. without an ultimate goal, the only thing i can do is keep on living life day by day without any goals. short term goals dont work for me either. its just hard to keep living when there really isnt anything lying in front of you. like a sailboat in the fog, it woudlnt make a difference if it sank or stayed afloat -- Posted by da man at 12:22 pm on Mar. 27, 2006 Thats cool! -- Posted by love2havefun at 12:22 pm on Mar. 27, 2006 wow, sounds like u got a lot of weight on your shoulders right now -- Posted by saikojay at 9:10 pm on Mar. 30, 2006 Exactly, what kind of health problems are you talking about? -- Posted by ricerice at 3:57 am on Mar. 31, 2006 i dont like talking about it, which is weird cuz online here im as good as anonymous. well it keeps me at home, and when i leave i get major anxiety. even if i went out with friends i worry about getting sick and even worrying makes me sick. i guess you could say i think too far into things and it cant really be helped. -- Posted by saikojay at 9:39 am on Mar. 31, 2006 dood you worry too much calm down and relax -- Posted by ESD14 at 7:32 pm on May 28, 2006 I know that health problems are probebly the biggest thing to worry about.  I have had alot growing up and it affected me in middle school and high school.  I had to be tutored at home for a while and it wasn't fun.  But what is worse is thinking about what sould happen if whatever you have happens to you when your out with friends or at school or not with your family/home.  You'll just give yourself a panic attack...trust me I've done it before.  Just let go of the "what if it happens when I'm there."  It's better that way.  I put this quote in another post earlier but I really like it, "Everything is always okay in the end. If it's not okay, then it's not the end."