-- Posted by Willowlove at 9:07 pm on Mar. 29, 2006 I know...my title is very badly spelled...didn't pay attention... I'm just so sad, irratable, moody, depressed...and just plain a bitch at the moment.  I've been on anti depressants for almost 3 weeks now.  I'm visiting my brother  and forgot to bring my medsing to .  i called the doctor and asked them to call in my medicine, but it's taked 36 hours. I got here yesterday, and going home tom.  They haven't called in the med to the pharmacy...so i'll b 3 days without meds, but it feels like it wasn't working anyway..i've started cutting again.  I wont kill mysolf, that's not what i want, but if i happen to die in an accident everyone will be better off..at least my family will have my life insurance.  I've started cutting agsin...i'm at my brothers house and all i can think about is going to the bathroom to cut my arm and make the pain stop.  I'm just so mean to everyone...i made my roommate cry the other nigh...and i never sed to be like that... I don't like who I've become.  Someone on another forum thinks i might be bipolar...i don't know...it just want it to stop (Edited by Willowlove at 12:10 am on Mar. 30, 2006) -- Posted by Blue Daisy at 9:12 pm on Mar. 29, 2006 i was a cutter to and you need to stop. there are too many ppl outt there whu are gunna hurt you why hurt your self?? no one will be better off with outt you ppl will be sad remember that. there are ways to controul your moods like writing and going for a walk.. when your angry just try running or something else to take your anger off on besides your self and other ppl -- Posted by Willowlove at 9:16 pm on Mar. 29, 2006 i know i need to stop...i used to( 4 years ago) and managed to stop, but it's the only pain...and feeling I can control...I know it's not an answer, but it's better than nothin... -- Posted by rahulnirmal2000 at 11:09 pm on Mar. 29, 2006 I've been feeling suicidal for a while but I don't think I'll ever cut though, I'd just want to kill myself right on the spot instead of slowly hurting myself. -- Posted by ricerice at 1:44 pm on Mar. 30, 2006 Ive been suicidal for a long time. I almost went through with it. But after long nights of thinking about it, i realized that there are alot of people that are depending on me. The thing is I get nothing in return. I barely feel alive anymore. So sometimes I think im trapped between life and death and theres no way out. -- Posted by Willowlove at 7:51 am on Mar. 31, 2006 Like I said, I don't want to kill myself.  My dad committed suicide, and I would not want anyone esle to go through what we went through after he did it.  I have to figure out how to make the pain stop....and not do it by cutting... -- Posted by pntpstlprncss05 at 7:50 pm on April 3, 2006 If you don't think that your meds are working you should talk to your doctor and see if there is anything else he could prescribe or see another doctor all together. You shouldn't have to feel this way. I am glad that you do not want to kill yourself but I am sorry that you feel the way that you do. If you ever need someone to talk to feel free to message me. -- Posted by cbus at 5:02 pm on April 8, 2006 First off, you have to realize some things. The only reason you want to cut yourself is because some chemicals are imbalanced in your brain. Seriously! Just tell yourself that! Secondly, you got to realize, that people don't hate you. Perhaps they just don't want to be around someone who is always depressed. It's nothing against you, but you need to try to ignore what others said. I've been depressed before, and know how it feels. As much as you want a good friend to be a shoulder to cry on, they're not ALWAYS going to want to deal with that. I'm sure you're a great person, and judging by what you said about your dad, your family obviously has a history of depression. Get help with doctors please! Just because today sucks doesn't mean tomorrow will. Life is crazy like that! -- Posted by ncm at 3:49 am on May 19, 2006 It is time for you to love yourself. Please pamper yourself. You area precious person. Please appreciate your uniquness. You may make big difference in lives of so many people. Start loving yourself.