-- Posted by davjs at 9:15 am on May 22, 2006 A Peer Listener tries to: 1. Be warm, genuine and empathetic. 2. Listen for the meanings behind words. 3. Help peers sort through their concerns. 4. Explore options without telling their peer what to do. 5. Ask open ended and feeling level questions. 6. Be a sounding board for peers. 7. Know when to refer peers to police or a counselor. A Peer Listener tries not to: 1. Give advice. 2. Bandaid a problem with sympathy. 3. Talk about his/herself 4. Encourage dependency. 5. Expect all problems to be solvable. Why not "Advice"? The thing about advice is it implies "should" instead of "could". If you imply "should" people tend to become dependent on someone else. Instead, you should explore options with your peer without telling tem what to do. The entire guide can be accessed in LiveWire's Resources Peer Support Leader Group http://www.golivewire.com/forums/groups.cgi?action=group&id=238 Not yet a support leader? Apply Today -- Posted by sexyboy13 at 1:23 pm on May 22, 2006 How come our old Support Leader forum got erased? Anyways, glad to have it back, and I'm sure I'll be using it in the near future... -- Posted by dovelove at 2:05 pm on May 22, 2006 Yay for this new forum! I think it's a good addition. Anyway, one little question I had about the "Peer Listener tries not to:" The first action on the list is give advice. Well, this seems to contradict a lot of what I myself do, and a lot of what pretty much every other Support Leader does on this site. People make eHelps because they want advice; are we not supposed to give it? Listening is all well and good, but I think the main thing that people are looking for on this site is some sort of advice. Does anyone else have an opinion on this? -- Posted by telomere13 at 2:11 pm on May 22, 2006 Quote: from dovelove at 4:05 pm on May 22, 2006 Does anyone else have an opinion on this? I can only assume that it was a typo. -- Posted by insertnamehere at 2:12 pm on May 22, 2006 It could mean that Support Leaders are supposed to advise in a sympathetic and constructive way, not sermon/lecture. But it is a bit strange... -- Posted by sexyboy13 at 2:23 pm on May 22, 2006 Does this mean that when we make a topic in here, ALL members can see the topic, but JUST the SUPPORT LEADERS are able to reply? -- Posted by bri872002 at 2:33 pm on May 22, 2006 Quote: from dovelove at 3:05 pm on May 22, 2006 Yay for this new forum! I think it's a good addition. Anyway, one little question I had about the "Peer Listener tries not to:" The first action on the list is give advice. Well, this seems to contradict a lot of what I myself do, and a lot of what pretty much every other Support Leader does on this site. People make eHelps because they want advice; are we not supposed to give it? Listening is all well and good, but I think the main thing that people are looking for on this site is some sort of advice. Does anyone else have an opinion on this? Notice in the what to do list it states that support leaders should help explore options.  That is different than giving advice.  Advice is like a step by step thing, exploiring options is saying, you could do this, this, or this, depending on what could work best for you. It's a very grey area to work in, but basically you don't want to sound as though you know everything, it makes people feel belittled and less likely to act to better their situations.  An extreme example of this would be when suicide topics were allowed, and people tried to give advice on how to not kill themselves instead of suggestion that they go see a professional. Everything runs kind of hand in hand, but I think that basically what David wants is support and cooperative thinking instead of plain and simple answers towards members, (but David, please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, because it would be beneficial for me to know that too.) -- Posted by davjs at 2:47 pm on May 22, 2006 There is a difference between giving advice and helping people with their problems. Support leaders think they are supposed to give advice, like a friend might do, but really we should be more discriminating. We should be seeking to help people explore their problems and their options, not tell them what to do. -- Posted by Music of the Night at 2:48 pm on May 22, 2006 Bri's right. I'm working with women's advocates/future advocates right now, and all the same rules apply. The thing about advice is it implies "should" instead of "could". If you imply "should" people tend to become dependent on someone else. The group is on here? Sweet! -- Posted by davjs at 2:50 pm on May 22, 2006 Quote: from Music of the Night at 11:48 pm on May 22, 2006 Bri's right. I'm working with women's advocates/future advocates right now, and all the same rules apply. The thing about advice is it implies "should" instead of "could". If you imply "should" people tend to become dependent on someone else. The group is on here? Sweet! Very well put. I'm going to add that to the first post in this topic. -- Posted by telomere13 at 2:55 pm on May 22, 2006 Quote: from davjs at 4:47 pm on May 22, 2006 There is a difference between giving advice and helping people with their problems. Support leaders think they are supposed to give advice, like a friend might do, but really we should be more discriminating. We should be seeking to help people explore their problems and their options, not tell them what to do. Maybe, but advice is generally used in a positive sense, not a negative one.  I assumed it was a mistake, because the main page says: "Teens and college students share their problems and issues and receive advice and find resources on our teen forums." Advice is also one of the meta keywords for the site. (edit)With the added comment it makes more sense.  Simply having "Give advice" under what not to do struck me as slightly cryptic and even somewhat contradictory. (Edited by telomere13 at 4:57 pm on May 22, 2006) -- Posted by Music of the Night at 3:02 pm on May 22, 2006 Maybe Support Leader roles and regular member roles are different? One could assume that the role of an SL in eHelp is usually more serious than some posts, say, in Health about something that is fact (blemish, rash, cut, health problem, etc.). Factual problems, dillemmas that can be solved with something you actually know works are covered on the forum. But eHelp is usually more emotions, family, etc. Not quite as straightfoward. Edit:I guess what I'm saying is that advice is more for what we know works. But we get eHelps, probably not the entire story, and we don't know what will solve it. We just explore what "could" work. ? (Edited by Music of the Night at 6:07 pm on May 22, 2006) -- Posted by MoonlitEden at 1:29 am on May 25, 2006 How did I miss the fact that we have our own forum? When it comes to giving advice, that's mainly what I do...I feel it adds a personal touch to what the person may be going through.  That said, I only give advice on something I have been through myself.   So I take it I should stop this?  I've never told someone what they should do, just given them some options that worked for me. -- Posted by Rhapsody at 7:22 pm on May 31, 2006 To all of the support leaders out there who wish to be able to access the Support Leader's group, you will first need an invite which you can message the one of following people: » RelientKFan824 » Artistic Drain » audrey820 » bri872002 » davjs » JennyColada » Music of the Night » Rhapsody » Teneille » WigAOK9 -- Posted by wOlF at 7:16 pm on Mar. 27, 2008 Rhapsody's post was almost two years ago. Here is an updated list. Group Managers (29) ajm51987 Annastasia audrey820 BBallAsh23 bighead1991 branflakes bri872002 davjs DefaultTo0 dreamweaver Enzeru insertnamehere iwashere85 MoonlitEden Mysterious penguincube Periwinkle PiXiE RachLeigh13 Rastafarian RelientKFan824 SimplisticComplexity SomeoneLoveMe Tangaroa The Professional UnusualOne uscmedic WigAOK9 wolverineh8ter -- Posted by Bearsy at 10:59 am on Jan. 25, 2009 Quote: from davjs at 2:47 pm on May 22, 2006 There is a difference between giving advice and helping people with their problems. Support leaders think they are supposed to give advice, like a friend might do, but really we should be more discriminating. We should be seeking to help people explore their problems and their options, not tell them what to do. How the hell are we supposed to do this in e-helps? You know they can't reply if they're anon other than to give feedback once, right? What you want: Typical e-help: "[four paragraphs explaining problem in detail]" Typical e-help reply:"How does your friend feel about it when you say that? Are your other buddies sad?" Fin. You need to make it so people can reply to their e-helps. -- Posted by Arguia at 1:18 pm on Jan. 31, 2009 Quote: from Its Bearsy Bitch at 6:59 pm on Jan. 25, 2009 Quote: from davjs at 2:47 pm on May 22, 2006 There is a difference between giving advice and helping people with their problems. Support leaders think they are supposed to give advice, like a friend might do, but really we should be more discriminating. We should be seeking to help people explore their problems and their options, not tell them what to do. How the hell are we supposed to do this in e-helps? You know they can't reply if they're anon other than to give feedback once, right? What you want: Typical e-help: "[four paragraphs explaining problem in detail]" Typical e-help reply:"How does your friend feel about it when you say that? Are your other buddies sad?" Fin. You need to make it so people can reply to their e-helps. Bearsy, he just means rather than saying 'you should do this' replies should be more along the lines of 'the options available are...'/'you could do this, or this...'.