-- Posted by DreamingOfSanity at 6:31 pm on Sep. 6, 2006 I have been sitting here the last hour listening to beethoven and crying over a soon to be two year old. and a soon to be one year old. My brother and my sister. i dont live with them. they live with my mom and i live with my dad. my mom did some bad things when i was living with her. for example, sold drugs, did them, hid them in places i could find, let a guy come in who raped a 14 yr old girl live with us ( at that time i was 12) has a boyfriend who is addicted to cocaine...and more. And i'm just thinking about how i might never see my brother again. or my sister. I might never see Anothony's (brother) face light up with delight when i walk in the door again. he always did look like i was everything to him when he saw me. He'd scream my name and run torward me his head hitting my knees. he walks really good for a two year old. but i wont be able to see that anymore. or hear my new baby sister kia scream at night. or watch her face as you made baby noises at her. she always looked like she was bored. miss attitude. ha. but what my mom did hit me hard. and not while she was doing it. but when i was old enough to understand what she did i broke down. and i'm not over the anger i have. so i told her. i said "I need time away form you" and now we dont talk. at all. i dont see my brother or my sister. they're going to grow up not knowing me.And it's my fault. i was thinking about myself when i told my mom what i wanted. but now...my actions...i'd say they're the worst choice i have ever made in my entire life...whats going to happen to anthony and kia if i'm not there. they're going to find mummy and daddy's drugs juslt like i did. or mom will get caought and her and my step dad will go to jail and then what? Where will anthony and kia be? I was wrong and because of my mistake...a lot more people than myself are suffering. and it was all because i was thinking of myself. -- Posted by Seidell at 6:38 pm on Sep. 6, 2006 I am sorry you had to go through that when you were younger! Is there any way that you can make arrangements to see your brother and sister? Maybe with a judge? Or somebody?              If your siblings are in a house with people who do drugs, and there is a possible way they might find them, you need to notify somebody. Social Services ecpesially. I know it will be hard, etc... but would you rather them know and take action, or your siblings find the drugs and something happened? -- Posted by TND21 at 7:06 pm on Sep. 6, 2006 If you want to talk just tell me. I am going through a similar situation. My older brothers just ran away from home recently and my parents are on the brink of divorce. -- Posted by Spice at 11:42 pm on Sep. 6, 2006 You will see them one day - never lose hope in that fact. It may be two days, two weeks, two years, hell, even twenty years from now. But you will see them again. I think it's a good idea to get away from your mother, I think you made the best choice for you, no-one need to live in a household like that if they can understand what is going on, and don't like it. Anthony and Kia cannot understand what is going on, but soon, sooner than you think, Anthony will start asking questions to his Mother. Hell, he may even find those drugs ... You need to contact government services and get those children out of that household. They may have to go into foster care - but they can't live there.  Not with the threat of drug and rape. Please help them get out of there. As as for you, any support you need, there is this site, there are phonelines, there are other sites. Friends, family friends. Your father. If he is not willing to talk ... the above. PM if you want to talk I know how much life can suck. -- Posted by Xeison at 1:02 am on Sep. 7, 2006 im so sorry, but you made the right choice. You need to get Anthony and Kia out of there, you need to call social services and tell the that they should be in your custody or your Father's becuase your Motheris not capable of being a respocible parent, you cannot let it continue, and as you left, you need to free them too, i know it is hard, but you need ot do it. i am so sorry for wht is happening, if you ever need to talk, you can message me, i hoep things work out. -- Posted by frenchnerd7 at 2:38 am on Sep. 7, 2006 you definetely did not make the wrong choice getting away from that environment. It violates about five of the ten UN childrens' rights. I feel so sorry for you. Not only that you have the problems you have, but that you feel like you've wronged your brother and sister because you're not there, and you were the only thing they had...I will never know that feeling, but I am filled with sympathy for you -- Posted by amiee at 9:35 am on Sep. 8, 2006 You made the right choice for you. You've grown up in some really, really bad surroundings and it's not fair for any child, yourself included, to experience and witness some of the things you did. I understand how easy it is to feel guilty for leaving your siblings behind, but at the time, you needed to get out of there. You needed to escape for your own health and safety. You've dealt with a lot and now perhaps it's time to start picking things up and having as normal a life as possible. Sometimes you just have to think about yourself, you just have to do what's best for you. Now that you've done that, it's time to set about doing what's best for Anthony and Kia. You can help them. There are things you can do. They're so very, very young and they deserve a Mum who's not selling or using drugs, they deserve a calm family home, somewhere they can grow up in a healthy and safe environment. You dad knows about everything going on? If so, he can help you help them. You could call social services and they would be taken to a place where they're safe. It sounds like such a difficult thing to do, and it will be, but it's for them. Just like you got yourself out of that house for you, you can get them out for their own well being. It will be difficult, but you want to make sure they're safe, don't you? They're so young and you don't want them having all those bad experiences you did, do you? It'll be a very, very difficult thing to do. I suggest you talk to your father about it, you'll need some support. Try not to be so hard on you. It was a difficult, but brave, decision you made to leave home and live with your father. It was something that needed to be done. And now, getting your brother and sister out of that situation is something that needs to be done. You've made your life that little bit easier, and you can make it easier for Anthony and Kia. It's not a bad thing, having to get them out of this situation. It's for them. It'll be hard, it really will, but it must have taken a lot of strength for you to have left home in the first place. With the support of your father and maybe friends around you, you can make it better for those two wee ones, it's so very clear how much you love them. You will see them again, and if you try to get them into a safer environment, you'll see them happier.