-- Posted by Bennette at 2:51 am on Mar. 10, 2007 So i've decided i suck at doing things for people.  If its helping people, all i can do is offer a shoulder and hope that that makes it all better, otherwise i just listen and feel like its all pointless.  I tried to do something for a friends birthday, but it ended up with her crying because she wasn't ready in time, and i hadn't planned it out well enough, only to sit and watch another friend of hers come in the next day and surprise her with a cake and make it a wonderful day for her.  Why do i even try? All this has made me go back to the way i've been for fucking 7 years of my life, in a sorta half-assed apathy, where everything i feel is like some sick numbed down version that i get from shoving all my feelings in a box in some fucking corner of my mind, where the only feeling i get is what leeks out.  I hate it, but it stops me from getting hurt. All this is combined with the fact that i feel like i won't get into another relationship for god knows how long.  I have some people i'm talking to, but i can't help thinking "why the fuck could they like you?"  Like i said, i don't know why i even bother trying.  I feel like i'd only make their lives worse, and i can't let myself do that.  I wouldn't forgive myself.   Why did she have to do this to me?  I don't think i can even be her friend anymore.  At least my apathy will help me that much. -- Posted by LP Gear at 3:04 am on Mar. 10, 2007 it was Mohandas Gandhi that said:    "The difference between what we do and what we are capable of doing would suffice to solve most of the world's problems." Take a minute to let that sink in... ;) -- Posted by Bennette at 2:54 pm on Mar. 10, 2007 why the hell do i get so moody at night?  i mean, its still bugging me, but not nearly as much