-- Posted by LoneSoldier at 12:50 am on Feb. 12, 2008 Right now I am absolutely gutted. No words can describe the pain I am feeling. I guess I should tell everyone the story... Theres this girl I became friends with halfway through last year. I was instantly attracted to her the moment I met her, and the more I got to know her the more I saw how much we had in common. We had the same sense of humour, we liked the same music, we got on like a house on fire. The problem was she had a boyfriend, so I gave her space and fought my attraction for her. Anyway at the end of last year she broke up with her boyfriend. We started becoming closer after that, but I tried to keep my distance a little because it was too soon after her break up. We chatted a lot online over the college break and we became so close, sharing everything with each other. By the time college started again I was falling for her hard, and when I saw her for the first time back, I was smitten. That was on Sunday. Today is Tuesday, and since then Ive been thinking about her non stop. I decided today when I finished work that I would go see her and try to approach her about how I felt. I prayed all the while I was driving, begging God that this time it would work out, that I would be with someone I loved at long last after 23 years. But everything fell to pieces like it had every other time. As I was talking to her I was being very flirty and touchy (we have always been strong on physical contact, nothing more than hugs and cuddling up together), but she seemed to withdraw. I thought this was OK, not to make too big a deal about it, but then I learned that just the previous night she had random sex with some pretty boy asshole at a college party. I felt like I had been shot in the chest, because I thought she cared about me. I suddenly realised that I have never been more than a friend, and I never will be, and I couldnt bring myself to tell her how I felt. I left and went home, got in the shower and cried so hard I nearly vomitted. I dont know what I hope to achieve out of telling people this. I just need to let it out I guess. I dont know whether to move on now, or keep trying. I do know I have lost respect for her, and feel like I cant love her anymore, but I still want to be friends, but I just dont know. What do I do with myself now? I just want to crawl into bed and never wake up. -- Posted by dooby54 at 12:53 am on Feb. 12, 2008 Buddy you learn from ur experiences, dont let it get you down. Girls are like buses, if you miss one you can always catch another :) -- Posted by therestissilence at 12:55 am on Feb. 12, 2008 you lost respect for her because she slept with some guy at a party? if you're overly religious i can understand why. but christ. shit like that happens to me on a daily basis brah. then again. i am a rockstar. so. ...*wanders off* *comes back* if you still love her tell her. if not. move on. stop wasting your time. get ripped and go fuck something. hell. enjoy life a little. -- Posted by LoneSoldier at 12:56 am on Feb. 12, 2008 I dont seem to learn from my experiences, I seem to screw up every single time. I think once I calm down I really need to take a good hard look at myself and figure out what Im doing wrong. Im so good to the girls I love, but it never works. Am I supposed to be bad to them? Seems to work for other guys. -- Posted by therestissilence at 12:58 am on Feb. 12, 2008 don't be bad to them. just...*sigh* i'm the worst person to be giving advice. 13 failed relationships in 3 years. haha. but i'm still looking. that's the best thing you can do. find a girl that fits and stick with her. honestly i think you're too hard on yourself. and you seem to be the type that's overly emotional sometimes. not all the time. but on a few rare occasions. i get like that too. though...its...once a year because of a death of someone close to me. just take stuff slow. be wild every now and then. keep them interested -- Posted by LoneSoldier at 12:59 am on Feb. 12, 2008 Quote: from therestissilence at 12:55 am on Feb. 12, 2008 you lost respect for her because she slept with some guy at a party? if you're overly religious i can understand why. but christ. shit like that happens to me on a daily basis brah. then again. i am a rockstar. so. ...*wanders off* *comes back* if you still love her tell her. if not. move on. stop wasting your time. get ripped and go fuck something. hell. enjoy life a little. Its moreso the fact that I thought she cared about me than being overly conservative. You can understand that I wouldnt think she would be off fucking random guys if she liked me. She should have been trying to fuck me! Otherwise I really dont care that everyone else is out fucking all the time (except for the fact that Im not getting any). -- Posted by MetalMouthMilkdeeni at 12:59 am on Feb. 12, 2008 I am so sorry. I cant really say I have been where you are, because they guys I have felt that for in my past didnt even know I was alive. I understand that you do not want to love her anymore, and neither  would I. But I am thinking that she told you out of confidance, and needed to tell you so that you wouldnt find out another way. And if that is the case, than she cares deeply for you. You really should tell her how you feel. Its better to have loved then to have never loved at all. Dont you want to know what could have been? I know the respect went out of the window. But you could always gain it back. After alot of work, but it would. I mean, do you really want to throw a 23 year relationship down the drain because of a random hook up? Ya'll are in college. Its bound to happen. and its bound to happen again if you do not tell her how you feel. If you love her, go for it. She would understand you. I am a little younger than you (21) but I know alot. relationship wise. And you need to tell her, or she will be gone for good. And I know just as well as you know that you dont want her gone. Tell Her! And good luck! -- Posted by ALucidThought at 1:00 am on Feb. 12, 2008 You shouldn't be disappointed with her for sleeping with a random guy if no body has claim on her--this happens all the time. Second, you're in the 'friend zone.' Chances are, you're there for life. -- Posted by LoneSoldier at 1:01 am on Feb. 12, 2008 Quote: from therestissilence at 12:58 am on Feb. 12, 2008 don't be bad to them. just...*sigh* i'm the worst person to be giving advice. 13 failed relationships in 3 years. haha. but i'm still looking. that's the best thing you can do. find a girl that fits and stick with her. honestly i think you're too hard on yourself. and you seem to be the type that's overly emotional sometimes. not all the time. but on a few rare occasions. i get like that too. though...its...once a year because of a death of someone close to me.   just take stuff slow. be wild every now and then. keep them interested At least youve had relationships. I havent. Ive tried and failed 11 times. Hence the obviously not learning from my experiences. I guess each time I think its going to be different, but its always the same. -- Posted by moos1940 at 7:15 pm on Feb. 12, 2008 i know exactly how you feel...there was someone in my life that i felt the same way about...but youll get over it...and there are better things to come -- Posted by rockthebox at 12:16 pm on Feb. 14, 2008 Sorry bud. Women are puzzles. -- Posted by x Jean Paul x at 3:26 am on Feb. 15, 2008 Well, im actually quite proud of you to be honest for asking for help and acknowledging that this is hurting you. It makes sense that you feel like you just want to crawl into bed and not wake up, but the fact that you are asking for help means we both know that wont work. i think you already know what you need to do to be honest. Rejection is always tough, it makes us feel as though we are not good enough. The thing to keep in mind is that she is just a person at the end of the day. Her rejection is just the rejection of a Human who is fallible. She clearly made a mistake in having random sex, and it is very sensible for you to have lost respect for her. If i was you, im not sure i could love her either, but understanding that she made a mistake will help you stay Friends with her i think. She is a person and she does make mistakes, that doesnt mean your Friendship has to end. Now if you still love her, i would see what she does and, assuming she doesnt get together with that guy and if she does, im not sure she is the right girl for a guy like you, probably try to tell her who you feel, because she cant react to how you feel unless she knows. Keep in mind though if she rejects you, it iwll hurt, but it is not the end of the world. Right now, i think you are investing a lot of your emotions in having a relationship with someone, which is not good for you because it makes you very vulnerable to these crashes. The thing you need to try to remember is that, although having love is great, it takes time to find the right person and you will go through many relationships where it does not work out and your heart gets broken. It is a painful process, but in the end, when you find the right girl for you, the love you will share in that relationship will be much more than worth it. In the meanwhile, just remember that and never give up. You must always keep trying, ok? As for how you are feeling, the best way right now to deal with it is to let it out, cry, write, talk to a Friend, punch a pillow, yell at a wall, do what you need to do to let out your emotions without hurting anyone ok? Take care my Friend, it seems like you have been going through rough times over all, but you can overcome this ok? As someone wise once told me, "Sometimes we must endure the worst of storms, in order to see our rainbow at the end." Hold on to your hope, it is your greatest asset.