-- Posted by Prince o palities at 10:15 am on April 25, 2008 This will be about the second time that I can remember actually asking for help on these forums.  The last time wasn't all that helpful.  Regardless, I'll try to keep this short since I know I hate reading through paragraphs of stupid before getting to the question at hand. I have a rocky relationship with my family, particularly my older brother.  He is getting married in July, and I talked to him about whether or not he would care if I didn't make it.  He said that he would care a lot if I didn't make it, so I said I'd be there. Well, the cost is an issue, but not the main one.  Ashley isn't coming with me to keep cost down and I'm staying with family.  However, he is getting married on a Saturday at 3 in Seattle.  I have a final here in Arkansas at 3 on Friday.  I can't get a flight out Sat. that gets me there in time to see the wedding, but if I try to fly out Fri., then the earliest flight I can catch would put me there around 11, and the airport is hours away from where I would be staying.  On top of all of that, I have no sure way to get to the airport here. So: I don't want to go. It's costing me a sizable chunk of change. The hassle is becoming overwhelming for me and the numerous people who will have to accommodate me. Put yourself in his shoes.  Do you take it personally if I tell you I can't come?  Should I take the answer to the first question into consideration when I make my decision? In other news, don't forget to enter your answers in the LiveWire Support Lottery  (click) -- Posted by kendall716 at 12:02 pm on April 25, 2008 Hi PooP Since I don't hate you to terribly I suppose that I can assist you. Anyway, First of all I will step into your brothers shoes for a moment. You mentioned that your relationship with your family is rocky as it is. I'm sure that if you miss your brother's wedding it would not help the situation at all. If I were your brother, I would probably be a bit hurt at the situation myself. I would like to ask; Did he attend your wedding? If so, this puts you in even more of a bad place. If he missed your wedding then I suppose you have a get out of jail free card for his.   The least you should do is try and make it there in time to attend the reception. It would be good if you made the wedding entirely, but I think that he would really appreciate you trying and making the reception. Don't stress about this too much. Especially if you have finals because that is honestly the most important thing at hand. Focus on your school and put this in the background. Talk with your brother about it and let him know what all is going on. See how he feels. Maybe he won't take it as personal as I would (assuming I'm a girl and dream of the perfect wedding.) You know your brother better then we all do. As for the money, if you do get to go I think that it's a worthy cause for a hefty chunk of money. By the way. Mr. Mod. Linking to a contest is not allowed Naughty Mod. It would be funny if I reported this because you could very easily be the one to deal with it. -- Posted by EndLess LoVe at 12:19 pm on April 25, 2008 To be honest I would be a tad upset but your situation is understandable. It's normal to feel guilty but if you can't make it your brother should take no offense and understand that you have tried and have gone out of your way to be there but things aren't coming together as you thought it would be. You are in no way trying to ruin his big day and this has nothing to do with any problems you both have had but your financial situation along with the other issues have lead you to believe that the best thing for you to do is to not attend.   -- Posted by ManicD at 7:19 am on April 26, 2008 Ok, The way i look at it is that your saying you have a rocky relatioship with yoru family as it is. Your brother is getting MARRIED, if i was in his postion, i would be thinking its at this time in life you really realise whats important in life, and as hes starting to create a new family, he wants his old family to be part of it. To me, him saying it mattered is his attempt at reaching out and wanting to repair old wounds, he wants to make friends with you again and wants you part of his new life. The way i see it, family and friends are verty important, if i was in yoru situation and had a brother offering me the hand of friendship, i'd do my dam best to be there at his wedding. As for accomidation, i'm sure its not excessive  trouble for someone to let you in when you arrive, its not like a regular thing. I'd definatly go, but in the end its up to you, this is the moment of truth, forget the past and be friends for teh future OR end up making small talk once a year at family gatherings because you dont really know each other anymore -- Posted by hithere at 5:05 pm on April 26, 2008 i'm a sucker for not wanting people to be mad so instinctively i'd say do whatever you can to get there. but your relationship may be at the point where going against one's word has been done enough before that this time wouldn't make much of a difference. still, since you cared enough to ask i'm finding it hard to consider the idea of not going.... you're staying "hours" away? mind telling where, or at least the distance? but yeah, the prospect of driving hours from sea-tac and then hours to seattle in half a day, after you had the whole hassle of flying, doesn't sound very nice. were you planning to have your family drive you to their house? i can see how that might be a hassle for them. you could book one of the motels near the airport there. here's one that looks like under 60 bucks. your family could pick you up there on the way to seattle. seems like that would be a lot easier for everybody, even though you would be spending more. as far as deciding based on whether or not you want to go: i think it is somewhat important. if you don't think the ceremony itself will be worth it to you, you probably should actually consider backing out. but i guess the main thing is whether you have respect for him. you may not like him, but if you've maintained some sort of connection that makes you care about more than "not being a good (insert noun here)," it might override the unwillingness to involve yourself. i hope i'm making a little sense. i guess i'm saying, in other words, don't see it as what you want vs. what he wants, or what you want to do vs. what you should do. see it as what you feel about him vs. the importance of maintaining a connection with him. gah, i feel like i'm spewing bullshit. and tell him about having trouble getting it all set up, before you decide. so that if you end up not going he'll see it coming early on. -- Posted by Bud2400 at 1:53 am on April 27, 2008 What exactly is your situaton in SeaTac and Seattle?  I live about 20 minutes east of SeaTac Airport and about 30 - 40 minutes south of downtown Seattle depending on traffic.  I don't know if / how I could help if you really need it, but I'm willing to do a favor.  You can PM me if you'd like. Either way, it sounds like your brother wants you there one way or another.  He might be able to understand if it's simply just too much of a pain for you to get anywhere around here, but he also might not.  I don't know - I'm not him. It sounds like a pain traveling hours to some place and then back again all within 24 hours, but also bear in mind it's just one weekend.  Even if you and your brother are on rocky terms, the extra effort might be appreciated and at least help with some of the tensions between you and him. -- Posted by Prince o palities at 10:14 am on April 27, 2008 Quote: from ManicD at 9:19 am on April 26, 2008 OR end up making small talk once a year at family gatherings because you dont really know each other anymore We don't even see each other that often.  I have seen him I think only twice in the last four years.  He was at my wedding (not because I insisted on his presence mind you) and then we saw each other briefly at my grandmother's funeral. Also, wow to Bud for the offer of help.  Don't be suprised at all if I consider taking you up on that.  I love meeting LW people. Truth be told, somewhere I knew I was always going to his wedding.  I just needed people to either sympathize with the situation I was in and then remind me why I was doing it anyway.  Thanks to all of you for that. -- Posted by Bud2400 at 2:33 am on April 29, 2008 Well, just let me know if you need anything.  I can't promise anything, though, as I do put in many hours at my work on my weekends, but I'll see what I can do. -- Posted by Prince o palities at 11:28 am on April 29, 2008 Doesn't matter.  I got it all taken care of. -- Posted by Bud2400 at 2:06 pm on April 29, 2008 That's good.  Hope all goes well for you then.