-- Posted by kryptkeeper51 at 6:30 pm on May 17, 2008 Hey everyone Well lately my life has been very hectic, as in i found out a ton about myself this year and i feel very overwhelmed. I don't quite know what im expecting or if im even asking anything so i guess I'll just tell you everything that has happened. Well it all started at the end of the summer of 2007. I discovered I was at least Bi-sexual, I wanted to tell someone so i told two close friends. One of them was totally fine with it (turns out he's bi as well) but the other one went completely homophobic on me, to prove so I shall quote him in saying "I'm never gonna look at Patrick (me) the same again". So eventually school started but that kid went to the technical school across the street. However he began telling people over there i was gay (even though i said bi). Eventually it got back to my friends here but  me and my other friend denied the whole thing so it was cool. Then my personality got even more confusing. I began to cross dress in private and begin to think that maybe on the inside i am a woman, I seriously considered this idea and consider it to be a large possibility right now. Eventually i started dating some girl for about 2 months. But she turned out to be a little much, she would not let go of her past boyfriend and took everything to fast and too seriously, and as time went on i began to see that i did not see my own perception of beauty in her. She was pretty and nice enough but i did not see my own image of inner or outer beauty in her. So i planned to break up with her but one of my friends ended up telling her before i could and she went home from school crying. Went i got home we texted a little and she was very mad saying that I didn't take long to think it through or give her enough time to let her change herself. I knew that i should at least talk to her so i tried calling but she wouldn't pick up so i left a voice mail message explaining everything and saying i was sorry. However i am a little worried she will do something extreme seeing as how she cuts herself and seems to hate herself. But besides that situation i also seem to be not liking myself either. Throughout school i get crap from everyone about my looks and how im always so quiet and it's starting to take a tole on me. Now i hate seeing myself in the mirror because of my hair. I have a style where on said is short, one is long and i sometimes have to back in a ponytail but now i can't stand it so i have to wait for the other side to grow out so i can even it out. My mind is a complete mess and i don't know who i am or what to do. My grades have also fallen and im threatened with summer school, i also lost all my friends. Any advice? -- Posted by mangosorbet at 6:12 am on May 18, 2008 We all want to be accepted.  It's difficult being comfortable in your own skin when people try to give of themselves and you witness the rejection.  When you come out, you can't help but compromise your relationships.  There are some people more accepting than others.  We all struggle with identity, some people just put on a second mask, day in and day out with contrived emotions, gestures, etc.  We can't help but cry out for liberation.  Can I just put it out there that you've done yourself a good thing opening up to someone?  It shows that you put a lot of trust with your friends and it's very respectable.  Granted, one isn't as accepting as the other, but it's life.  You can only move on from there, but you take with you an even stronger friendship with the other. One thing you have to realize is that people who carry a lot of their past can be rather difficult.  I think she was trying to foster her need to be wanted by establishing a relationship too quickly.  She has to realize that it's not really fair for both you to pursue anything further if there's always that grace of the uncertainty lingering.  With her means of mutilation and whatnot, I think it's better that you stay with her as a friend.  There are some things that people are just more comfortable confiding to friends than in relationships.  It can really help support her if you develop that strong sense of trust.  You can't help but worry because you care about her.  She mentioned changing herself.  To me, it sounds like she's desperate and looking for some means to foster that rejection.  It happens, and to provoke hope of something much more serious would be foolish for both of you. There are just times in life where you get tossed a heavy load.  I suggest you prioritize your grades and whatnot.  I hope you can take one thing from this and think to yourself, are some of those people really worth it?