-- Posted by lucyintheskywds at 10:31 pm on May 24, 2008 I'm going through a very bad period of self-loathing lately.  I just finished my freshman year in college...and struggled the entire way through.  Not academically, I have over a 3.0...but emotionally and socially.  My roommates have been horrible to me (I switched twice).  And I'm always feeling overshadowed by my friends.  Not to mention how badly I've been treated by guys.   I thought this summer would turn everything around...and I would do better and be happy.  It's only a week into summer and I feel like I have destroyed myself.  I was offered a great job...that I was convinced I wouldn't get.  And to get the job...I have to pass a drug test.  However in the last two weeks of school...I was so un-happy with myself that I gave into peer pressure and submitted to smoking marijuana.  I've destroyed my chances at the job, and even though I explained the situation to my mother...I told her I only smoked once, when I did twice.  I admitted to her just tonight that I lied to her...and that I did twice.   Now she is not speaking to me...and I have never felt more ashamed to be existing right now.  I'm so confused...and miserable with myself.    I have been eating very little all week, and not sleeping.  I've struggled with depression before...and I'm afraid to go back to that.  But I think it's too late.  I feel lower than ever right now, and see no way of fixing things.   -- Posted by The Last Magister at 10:36 pm on May 24, 2008 Fuck her, I light up weed all the time and I got A's and B's.   . Just keep clean like a week b4 the interview and your good. As for your mom, she just needs some time to adjust. Chill out girl, or you gonna break down. Everything's gonna work itself out. -- Posted by nikki at 2:00 am on May 26, 2008 Hm, my opinion would be that you're generally feeling negative right now. You didn't have a good time at college, and having the job at the beginning of summer would have helped you feel better. Try and be positive. There are plenty of jobs out there that will pay well and don't require a drugs test. Your mum has every right to be angry at you for lying, but I'm sure she'll come round after a while. Have you spoken to her about what a horrible time you're having at college? If she knew about that she might be more understanding. Good luck :)