-- Posted by Raging Inferno at 6:26 pm on June 12, 2008 Ever since I suffered those intense pains a while ago, I have found myself drifting away from everything. I have lost connection with feelings I once had, although the only thing that was mainly associated with them was hurting and the pains I kept feeling. Now I seem to feel no emotions most of the time, but there is so much emptiness. The only time I feel, is when those pains come out of nowhere and weaken me or when someone else causes a reaction somehow. But usually it is a negative reaction, and I can feel it building up inside, but I bottle it all up. But sometimes I feel so messed up, that I feel that eventually, all the things I've bottled up will break loose. I feel broken apart. I keep trying over and over to pick up and keep going, but it keeps hurting. The hurting does not stop. My emotions may be screwed up, but I can still feel the same pains as before. I don't know why those people...feel the way they do about me. I cannot understand. I do not know how to feel...those type of feelings anymore. I couldn't take it anymore, so I detached myself, so I wouldn't feel the pain that those feelings have always caused me. I feel tears running down my face, so I'm going to stop now. one more thing, and if people still think its one thing that made me this way, you would be wrong in thinking that, because there's more to it, but I'd rather not relive painful memories.     -- Posted by chelseamorgan at 9:20 am on June 13, 2008 The reason this topic stuck out to me specifically is that I wen through the same problem two years ago. I know exactly how you feel. Its a miserable feeling, like you're sinking into nothing and nothing is ever going to get better, doesn't it? You feel like your emotions are just choking you all the time. When I dealt with this, I was young. I had just turned 12, but nonetheless, it was very real. So I sympathize with you on your whole dilemna. It sounds like a key state of depression. The way to solve it is a complicated way. You have to find something inside of yourself. Its hard, but you have to try and think hard. Think of someone, anyone, who has ever told you something good in your life. Maybe a teacher, friend, neighbor, parent. Take each memory and construc them together. People care about you. People love you. People don't want you to suffer in life and be this miserable. You said that there's several things that's causing this. Whatever they are, try your best to distance yourself from them. Sometimes its not always possible to get yourself from a harmful situation (like your mom, or something at school) but try your best. Tune out the world. Only listen to yourself for now. Tell yourself, you know what? Why should I let them affect me? I'm great, I'm fabulous. There's nothing wrong with me. Kick every bad thing out of your head and leave it on the side of the road. Find a good, solid friend. Not one who makes fun of you all the time, or is destructive in any way. You need a rock, a support. When I was recovering, I didn't have one. It was rough. Now, I have a very best friend that I can rely on. Her name is Rachel, and I trust her with everything. When I'm miserable and crying and feel terrible, I talk to her and she helps me through it, and it makes all the difference. Remember: you can find the best friends in the strangest places. Maybe an adut, like a counselor. Anyone that will listen and help. This will be a vital key part in recovery. One route that could be taken is medicine. It really does sound like depression, and depression can me treated by medication. If you really feel that there is no other way to get better, you need to take this path. Tell your parents that you're feeling depressed and need to see a doctor. Hopefully they take you. If they don't, find someone else to help. Lastly, remember: this will make you stronger in every way. If you can battle this, you can battle anything. I truly wish you the best of luck, and I really, really want you to message me. I really want to help you with this since I know how you feel. Much love, Chelsea. <3