-- Posted by Anonymous at 8:34 am on June 23, 2008 I live in a fairly alright home. I didn't lose any family members or close friends. I hate the culture I live in, but it can all wait till I grow up and leave for somewhere else, and I know that. I've been raped when I was about 12, but I did get over it. I'm depressed most of the time, and I get episodes where I'm suicidal and start cutting my arms and thighs. I feel like I can't have a good view on life. Everything seems meaningless. I can't stop thinking about hurting others, or hurting myself or running away (Which I did before and I still feel tremendously guilty that I did it and worried my mom) I don't understand how I turned out like this. I've been going down this road since I was young, even before the rape incident. But now it's really bad. I don't understand it because I have a much better life than many others. And I didn't go through a lot of trauma. :( -- Posted by Taylor636Baker at 8:36 am on June 23, 2008 You pretty much just described me -- Posted by FearFactory101 at 8:38 am on June 23, 2008 sorry bout your luck -- Posted by MushroomSatsujin at 8:38 am on June 23, 2008 Quote: from Taylor636Baker at 8:36 am on June 23, 2008 You pretty much just described me Same...but without the rape. You arent alone -- Posted by FearFactory101 at 8:39 am on June 23, 2008 i think we all feel suicidal and depressed at times. its not uncommon anymore -- Posted by dragonking at 8:40 am on June 23, 2008 Do you think your life has purpose to it?  If you don't that may be a reason why you are depressed or there could be some issue that you have thought about and it's been bothering you for all this time.  It could be some thing from when you were younger that you consciously blocked out. -- Posted by angelofmusic22 at 8:40 am on June 23, 2008 awww :( depression sucks, i remember what it was like. go talk to someone, anyone. something that was actually very theraputic for me when i was too scared to talk to anyone was writing down all of my depressed thoughts and feelings in a notebook that i hid in my underwear drawer. i know that sounds kinda cheezy, but it worked sooo well. then eventually i talked to my school counselor about it, and she helped a lot. also, its kinda interesting to look back on the journal entries now and see the progress i made. -- Posted by XxuremokidxX at 8:40 am on June 23, 2008 i cut my sides and thighs , and im depressed alot and idk y either and i want to leave my home as soon as i turn 18 whether i have somewhere to go or not -- Posted by FearFactory101 at 8:46 am on June 23, 2008 ok, yeah depression is uncommon like i said, but the whole self mutilation this isnt getting anyone anywhere. i dont understand why you ppl do it. it doesnt help anything at all. why do you want to be in more pain? just because life sucks doesnt mean you have to want to die. take a nap or something -- Posted by goku at 8:48 am on June 23, 2008 youound like me for the thoughts on killing yourself and cutting -- Posted by 3yoon maya at 9:12 am on June 23, 2008 im depressed 24 \7 i mean they can buy me what i want but i still think whats the point -- Posted by marshmellowman at 3:56 pm on June 23, 2008 Depression is not an easy thing to deal with by any means. None of us can really 'diagnose' you or tell you why you feel like you do. All we can do is suggest. Your problems seem quite serious, so the best thing to do in this case is see a professional counsellor or a doctor that can give you proper advice. Being raped is certainly not a simple thing and it doesn't take people a great deal of time to put it behind. Are you really over it, or do you just say that and think that? Often it can be that people try to move on too fast and it ends up on their minds which can make them feel sad, lonely and depressed. I've obviously got no idea of the circumstances and the last thing I'd want is to rip up the old bruises. As I said though, people can go a long time with it stuck in their mind all the time. If this is the case with you, I'd definitely consult some sort of medical professional as this is something that cannot be dealt with alone. All the anger and hatred this could have caused you is not something you can just let out all at once. It has to be done slowly with the help of someone to guide you. Cutting is not the way to deal with things. It may give you a time of momentary relief, but once that's over all the feelings rush back again. It's not a solution. If you can try and stop that'd definitely help improve your outlook on life. It may not seem like it, but just not doing that can affect your day a great deal. You can use an elastic band to help you stop by putting it around your wrists and letting it go so that it snaps against your wrists. This is simple, but has proven to be quite effective for a lot of people (even on livewire). If you think of cutting just do that as a form of relief, this doesn't really harm your body, but you also shouldn't let it get to the stage where you're constantly doing that either. Cutting not only hurts you but it also affects everyone around you, it makes your parents and friends more concerned and can at times even scare them. By slowly stopping this you're also helping prevent you from hurting them as well as yourself. It can be difficult and frustrating when you have a negative view on life. It's hard to see anything positive in it, and I find this is what often has caused me to feel really lonely and depressed. I think this really boils down to two things. My social life and my friends. Friends: These are perhaps the most important people in your life besides your family and other loved ones. They are there for you in your times of need to help you, and there to have a laugh and enjoy yourself. I've found that my level of happiness is greatly related to my friends. How much time do you spend with them or talk to them? Make more friend and meet other people. This is a great way to expand the variety of people you talk to and can bring up new topics and conversations that you never used to talk about. With your current friends do you talk much? Try and be more approachable, make sure you lend your voice to conversations, and you can also make jokes. Jokes are a great way to relieve the tension in a situation and allows everyone to have fun. As they say, laughter is the best medicine, I've found that to be really true. Hang out with them more too, just talk about anything you can. If you're always thinking about how sad you are, then of course you're going to feel sad. So talking to friends and having conversations about anything is a great way to get your mind off being sad. Social life: How often do you go out and relax and chill with your friends? What do you usually do on your weekends. Mine used to be really dull and boring just sitting at home and not doing much. This used to make me feel quite down and lonely. Just ring up your friends and organise things to do, talk about it in school what you can do. Barbecues at the park are a great way to socialise and talk with lots of people. Just relax, eat and enjoy the sun. You can also play games their and sports which is great to let loose and have fun. What about bowling? This is a great communal game that gets you to be competitive with your friends in teams and have a laugh. Movies can also be really great. Invite some friends round and put on a comedy film. Have a sleep over and just have comedy films going all night. You'll be laughing so much that it'll raise your mood and you'll forget about everything else. What about your family too? Do you spend time with them much? Family bonding is quite important, at least in my eyes, because it allows your parents to see how you're getting on. You see your parents every day yet sometimes children hardly ever talk to them. Do some family activities like going for a picnic or a movie. Board games are a great way to relax. Playing with a fun and silly attitude can help you relieve stress and anxiety and will get your mind off being sad. If you have a best friend that you feel comfortable talking to, you can tell them about how you feel. It's nice to have someone that listens even if they don't say much back. This is good, but like I said at the beginning it's best to talk to someone who knows what they're doing. That's why a counsellor can help find the proper cause of your problems and then suggest ways to deal with it and manage it. They can provide a fresh set of eyes to the situation and make you think a way you've not done before. This is nothing to be ashamed about and will only help you feel better quicker. I hope this has helped. If you ever want to talk feel free to PM me anytime!